dear_mun | (no subject)

And yet, my fine feathered friend, we can't always get what we want.

I'm pretty sure we can sue people for this. Right? This isn't - like - legal.

C'mon, kid. Haven't you learned by now? We're all puppets on strings.

I don't wanna be a damn puppet. I can take of myself, man. [..,] Just not when vampires are all around me.

That's extremely speciest.

That's not what your mom said.

It is her birthday. Maybe she'll do you a solid and send you on home.

You don't get it. She's power crazy, especially today. And she's obsessed with my face, or something. I can't help it that I'm cuter than your average. And I can't help it that I'm a Cup!

Actually, she fairly often says just that.

Yeah? She thinks it's funny to eat little innocent kids like me too?

You don't look red. Or blue. Or plastic.

... Yeah. No. That's - [pfu]

That ain't right.

Ever heard of catnip?

...Giants don't eat humans, despite what you've heard.

As in, "watch what my cat can do"?

As in, 'cats on their happy hour because they're high as all shit'. Now picture a vampire. I'm vampnip. Get it?

... Did you just call your mom fat?

The world would be so much better if I believed what you were saying.

What's that supposed to mean? You callin' me a liar, lady?

My mother weighs over four tonnes. Because she's over four metres tall. Because she's a giant, as I said a minute ago.

No, what I'm trying to say is— it would be easier if I could blame evil on supernatural depravity rather than regular, old fashioned cruelty. See, it's all about me. Not you. Self-absorbed fundamentals, right here.

Shit, man, where the hell are you from? Sweden?

Yeah, that... doesn't change the fact that they're coming after me. And eating me alive. Then I'll be dead.

...Are... You okay? Have you perhaps hit your head recently?

Ever watch an episode of Survivor?

Uh. Sure. Happens to me all the time. Why?

Er. No?

Because it makes this conversation much more understandable.

Then you're in luck, because I have, so I can help you out. You make alliances, you make friends, and you try not to stab each other in the back.

[ now she's offering her hand out to him like she wants him to pinky swear, oops ]

I'll protect you with my tiny intellectual fists, Sippy Cup.

[please hold on while his mind draws a blank.]

Why?

[slowly... sticks out pinky...]

Are you a vampire hunter or something?

[because that would be awesome. and useful.]

[ hovering.... pinkies.... ]

I have a taser? And I am really, really good at scaring people away with just my words.

[shrug. He'll take it.

PINKY CONNECT]

I'm trusting you, lady. Whatever your name is.

Mine's Hyperion.

[ WITH THEIR POWERS UNITED THEY WILL BECOME

CAPTAIN TRANQUILITY ]

Veronica. Mars.

[ still gonna call him sippy cup tbh ]

Cool.

[not the only one named after some random god yay!!1]

Because you seem confused and disjointed. As if you're concussed.

Pretty sure I ain't. People bleed from their head if when they're concussed, don't they?

[He's just. Not the brightest crayon in the box. Ever.]

Vampires? Vampires are real?

[This, coming from a robot turned dragon...]

Seriously? Are you going to be alright?

[Not that he has to be worried about being sent there himself, still...]

No- that would be a head wound. A concussion is a mild brain trauma.

Oh.

[... rubs his head.

Awkward.]

Uh.

Do you need medical assistance?

[He might be an over eight foot tall buff guy with a stern face, but he cares.]

No? I mean - I feel fine and all.

If you're sure. But, I feel you should have a more reasonable approach to other races, all the same.

You have a problem with vampires?

[Yep, she's giving him a smirk... Full view of fangs and all. Just to mess with him. Luckily for him, she doesn't drink from the source.]

Shit--

[ugh. what do.]

Listen, I - I don't wanna start any trouble or anything.

I'll keep that in mind when they quit trying to eat me.

Well, when you address this strange place like that, you're bound to start trouble.

Lucky for you, I'm just messing. I don't really care.

[She usually doesn't show her true identity as a vampire for the sake of being as normal as she possible could, but this was just too tempting.]

I'm sure not all non humans wish to eat you.