["Why would she need to steal when there's pokémon battles to attend to?!" asks no one because this is Hardison and he knows better by now.]

Nah, Parker, you gotta earn those badges, work your way up, be a pokémon master. [Hand motions go here.] Anyone teach you about EVs and IVs? Or shinies?

And hold on, they let you start with a Porygon? What happened to fire, water, and leaf types? That's bucking trends, man.