dear_mun | (no subject)

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What? You want to take me to some insane human town where they trap you inside and then torture me every month? I don't want to sound like a downer but I don't think that would be all that fun.

Well, Ok, figuring out a way to fight back would be fun, especially if I get to beat up whoever wants to do this shit to me. Everything would be a lot more fun with large laser canons. Are you sure you don't want to go somewhere with those? Maybe a place that also won't put me in a soft human body? I'd like to not fry to death when their freakish yellow sun has a solar storm.

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Dude, Mayfield is shit and all but.. What the fuck? This ain't twenty fucking questions.

Well I wasn't asking you, I just wanted some answers from my mun before he did something stupid.

Well, fuck. It's all out there for people ta see, y'dipshit. Expecting no one else to say anything is like saying y'won't die if ya stop fucking breathing. Or some metaphor-shit like that.

Also, y'might want some moisturizer or some shit like that.

Oh that's real nice. Was that a jab at my skin or my scar. I wasn't sure because I don't know if you could tell that I'm not just a two dimensional figure.

What? Just saying! Geeze. I don't know, shit looks dry.

[Grumble grumble.] Try to be fuckin' helpful..

Maybe you could make some more insensitive comments about people of different species. That's always real helpful.

Not my problem y'can't take fuckin' suggestions.

Is everyone in mayfield this rude? I was worried that I wouldn't have anything to do between torture sessions, I feel better knowing I'll be able to kick your ass now.

[HATERS GONNA HATE.]

Yeah? You an' what army? Yer gonna come on in human like me and I'm pretty sure I can kick your ass or somethin' when ya do.

Just because humans can't filter uv radiation with their eyes very well doesn't mean they can't tear someone a new cloaca. I've seen a human take down a killer robot apart with their bare hands and I dealt with a lot of over confident punks in C-sec, I think can handle a half blind one.

Cloaca? T'fuck are you talkin' about?

[Wait a second.]

And who are y'calling a punk?

Oh, I apologize, I didn't know you were deaf as well.

Hey Garrus, us humans are pretty tough. What's a little sun light when we've taken on Saren and the Geth?

Oh, hey, Shepard, didn't...see you there. Look I really didn't mean it like that. I guess if you are able to make it through a hoard of collectors and take out a reaper a little solar burst isn't much of a challenge.

[She chuckles.]

Relax Garrus. It's not like we can't afford a little teasing between shipmates.

Still, I'm glad you're going to be there. It's nice to see a friendly face, even in the middle of this hell hole that my mundane dumped me in.

Yeah, that will make it a little better. I have always wondered how hard it is to stand on such straight legs. Though your legs always seem to look fine.

I don't think that came out quite how I wanted.

[One amused eyebrow and a chuckle escapes her.]

I'm sure you'll do just fine.

[Have a pat on the arm Garrus. Because Shep is all for encouraging her fellow team mates.]

So, what has your mundane explained to you about this place?

He hasn't told me much. Most of the time it was just him laughing and saying things about how I shouldn't drink the milk. If I had the ability to, I would have shown him how effective I am at getting answers out of people.

Well, he's right about the milk. It's poisonous there. Don't worry too much about your Mundane though; we've got bigger fish to fry. The town's run by some psychos that make Saren look sane.

Interesting. That just will make it a lot more fun when we do finally kill them. There's probably a line if they are as bad as Saren.

I probably wouldn't drink the milk anyway. Dextro-amino and all that.

It isn't all bad. There are some very nice people here!

I'm sure there are. I just would rather meet nice people in a place where everything I eat can suddenly be filled with razors.

Oh, that only happens if you drink the milk. Everything else is safe! Well, relatively.

You'll have to excuse me if I'm a bit wary since there are still a lot of unsafe things that still aren't quite a surprise mouthful of razors.

Well, that's true. Yeah, there are some crazy people, and the world seems to be a bit nuts itself, but really, the majority of us are good people.

I guess that is a good attitude to have. I've met a lot of bad people, and I just expect the worst from them.

I've always found that you should expect the best, but prepare for the worst. If I didn't do that, I would never have met Android 16.

I've been screwed over too many times to expect the best. I always prepare for the worst, it's the only reason me and my friends have survived this long.

Android? Some sort of VI?

Well, I hope that one day you can learn to trust again, sir.

[Gohan thinks for a moment.]

Sort of. He was an actual AI. One of the most peaceful beings that I've ever met, and I know kami-sama.

I can trust, I assure you. Me and Captain shepherd trusted all night long if you know...

...I- probably shouldn't talk about that.

I know an AI like that too. Technically it's thousands of AI's in one body but you get the drift. He's a trained soldier, so I wouldn't say the most peaceful, but he's not the mindless killing machine everyone seems to make him out to be.

Of course I'm also currently, or at least will have been, fighting another army of AI's who are bent on wiping all life out of the galaxy, but I guess not everyone's perfect.

Wait, Kami-sama? Isn't that the word for god in one of your human languages? You know God?

Yeah! I've met him a few times. He's a good guy. Most people wouldn't expect him to be green, though.

Nothing wrong with being green.

This is true! One of my best friends is green, aside from Kami-sama. You just don't see too many aliens, like them or my father.

That seems to be a trend among green aliens. The one that I know only has a few hundred thousand of his race left. Obviously someone out there doesn't like green species.

You really think you are going to fight the town?

Yeah, good ☠☠☠☠ luck.

I've taken on bigger. How hard can a human town be?

Everyone says that.

How about reality bending horrors? They got a lot of those where you come from?

There are some Asari on omega-3 that I have heard some amazing stories about, though I don't think that's what you meant. I know that this place isn't going to be much fun, but I've been though a lot of bad things, and Shepherd's there, so I'm confident that I'll manage to survive.

And I am confident I am going to see your blood smear on the pavement one day.

You're just a ray of sunshine aren't you? I'm sure that positive attitude is helping get you out, isn't it?

Yeah, see how long your ugly mug manages to keep smiling.

When you get there, just do me a favor and try not to piss me off.

Or you'll what, whine at me some more? I don't need to deal with some washed up loser who doesn't have the balls to keep fighting. I assure you I'll stay out of your way.

Yeah, you're going to get along with the town just great.

So I am going to let you learn the hard way.

Is it hard to teach lessons from a pool of liquor and vomit? It's been so long since I've been a cop that I've forgotten.

I could smash that ugly face of yours for you and save you the trouble of getting in anyone's way.

I've taken a gatling gun to the face, I'm not too worried about a half-hearted swing from some burned out loser.

I punch harder than any gun you've seen.

Oh? Then I guess I'll only have to worry about you finding which image of me is the real one.

You know what?

I really don't like you.

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JUST SO I CAN USE THIS ICON.

Re: JUST SO I CAN USE THIS ICON.

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