dear_mun | casually shits in the sandbox

[BOOM. The star of NBC's Hannibal, ladies and gentlemen, make no mistake about it. Hannibal? Please. Small fries (of the potato variety). Will? Dumbshit. Abigail? Guess again!

Except Beverly. She can co-star. Bev is cool.]

You know, the whole show would be over super quick if they'd let us talk. What do you mean, dogs can't talk? We sure can! We can talk and go to heaven, cats can dance, and bears shit in the woods. It's true, I've seen them.

I mean, come on, it would all be over so quick! Just sit me and my fellas down and be all, "Now, Winston, did you see Will make those fishing lures all morbid and gross? Be honest." And we're all, "Hell no! That was all Hannibal! Will's amazing, you should let him out right now." And then they're all, "Holy shit, a talking dog! Talking dogs!"

...okay now I guess I can see why that would probably be a bad move.

But hey! Here you can do whatever you want with me, right? You can make me human! People believe humans. And then I'd have thumbs. You know what I could do with thumbs? Anything I wanted to. I could flush the toilet without falling in, I could get the food out of the bag without making a mess, I could even bathe myself! I could bathe Will! He's bathed me, like, a bazillion times.

I want thumbs. I mean, I want to have thumbs. I already had thumbs because of Hannibal! It's almost like his name gives away who the bad guy is!

I should be in the FBI, too. After I get thumbs.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ okay everything else aside... ]

Where'd you learn the word "bazillion"?

I learned it from the TV! Will leaves it on sometimes. It's really neat to hear what humans talk about.

And they're kind of silly. We do know it's not bacon, that's why we keep begging for more.

[ will graham: clearly not an avid fan of tedtalks ]

Humans are pretty silly, yeah. Will rescued you, didn't he?

[Well now he's watching PBS at Alana's, he'll get a better vernacular.]

Yes! He picked me up off the side of the road and bathed me and took me home. Will's amazing, even if he makes a lot of noise in his sleep. That's distracting.

He can't help it. [ nightmares, what a dogblocker ] Who were you with before Will?

A guy named Mason. He had a bunch of us. He used to starve us, just so we'd be happy to see him with food.

[foreshadowing what it do]

So I escaped and Will found me. He doesn't know, though. He doesn't believe we can talk.

[ he's mason mason mason verger
without him there would be less murder
he's not a very good pig herder
he once dressed up as tina turner ]

That's awful. [ abigail pets his head sympathetically ] There's some cops around here. I'm sure you could tell one of them.

[Aw, isn't she sweet? He sees now why Will is so fond of her.

Shame about her ear. Maybe they can sew it back on!]

He's got something coming his way, something bad and big. I think I'll leave it to fate. It's going to bite him in the butt.

[ hey with thumbs, anything is possible! like scratching one his perfectly matched set of ears. ]

What about the rest of his dogs?

[Oh nooo, there goes his back leg, kicking all over the place. Good girl. Best girl, actually.]

I can't do anything for them. Ah, that feels wonderful. I don't even know his address or where he lives anymore. I ran as far and fast as I could. I didn't exactly stop to memorize directions.

[ well he is just a dog. he probably replaced that information with his expanded vocabulary and assorted finger fantasies ]

I hope it bites him hard then. [ bolstering smile and increased scritching concentration before she pulls her hand away. she kneels down so they can talk face to face (if she's going to talk to a dog she might as well do it right). ] What about now? Is someone taking care of you guys while Will's in jail?

Alana is.

[Man, it's difficult to even squeeze out those two words. Why? Because she's on his level, which means all he wants to do is be a bad dog. What do bad dogs do?

They lick people in the face. All over the face. Or the neck, if they get pushed away. That's what they do.

Bad dog, Winston. Very bad.]

[ abigail raises her hands to defend herself from her adorable attacker. a quick pet is one thing -- drool all over her face is not going to end well for anyone even if she has to laugh at how it tickles. ]

Stop it, bad dog!

[!!!!

Sometimes people tell him to stop because they don't want to get drool on them. But they're usually laughing because it's silly, and because they know he's doing it out of his own sort of doggie love, even if they can't understand it.

But this stop is a big one. She's not laughing like she should be. She's not just swatting at him and amused. Something is Wrong with Winston licking her, so he pulls back immediately, circles around her carefully, and ends up on his back, belly exposed.

Look, okay, when you live with Mason Verger, you have to learn to be submissive super quick or you risk getting fucked over even worse.]

[ well winston can at least confirm for her her that her guilt chip is still functional. she frowns at both of them, pulling her sleeve over one hand so she can wipe her face, especially around her eyes. ]

It's not you. Sorry. It's allergies. You didn't know. [ abigail sniffs and smiles so he knows nothing's wrong. ] I'm fine, see?

[Aw, yis. Guilt the dead girls.

Not that Winston realizes she's dead. She has her ear back but it doesn't look all messed up...if cats have nine lives, then.

Shut up Winston you dumbass you take after your father]

Allergies! I'm so sorry. I know sometimes we make people really sneezy. Should I go away? I can do that.

No, stay. I can be sneezy for a while. [ it feels like, well, a dog's age since she's been around any animal she wasn't about to kill or eat. physiological boundaries aside, she likes them -- even more now than before, surrounded as she is by conniving adults with a bushel each of ulterior motives. ] Here. [ abigail extends her hand, still covered in her sleeve, to pet him again ]

I bet Will's happy to see you, huh?

[Oh no. She's allergic! That's bad. But if she's willing to stay around, he's willing to stay, too.

Almost like it's an order, even! He sits proper and straight and like the best of the Good Boys ever, leaning forward only to sniff at her covered hand as he licks at his lips.]

I hope he's happy! He's usually happy to see me. But sometimes he's just not happy at all, and I can't really do anything for him.

No thumbs and all.

Humans are complicated. Even if he doesn't look happy, having you there probably helps him. He seems really lonely. [ really lonely. like, pathetically lonely. just triple platinum medalist at the lonelympics games of 20foreveralone levels of lonely. ]

casually shits in the sandbox

peer pressure wins again

your pressure is the bad kind. the one that turns into vanilla ice instead of queen.

i see you trying to lure me into reciting borhap but it won't work i'm just a poor boy

nobody loves you, at least you realize that and accept it

you caught me i make icons to feel something

you tear your heart open just to feel. perfect fandom for you.

and my brain open just to eat. god bless every one of us, even white trash like graham.

that was a job offer i worked into the blessing, abigail.

thanks but superwholockvengersbal rim is already full of shitbag-dicking boatyard ass

god bless ray liotta

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