dear_mun | (no subject)

[This face, Kili. Because really. Don't you exercise any control over your mun?]

[Do you Thorin? Muns aren't good listeners.]

Thorin! [Yeah, crap, what are you doing listening in? Watch him laugh nervously.]

So. [Ah, yes, said in that tone of voice. That gruff, no-nonsense way he's perfected, the one that can make even the staunchest of dwarves squirm under the scrutiny of Thorin's glare. Perhaps it comes from being born a prince but, whatever the reason, Thorin certainly has a talent for it.] Elf fancier, is it?

I think it's time your mun and I had a discussion about loyalty. Don't you, Kili? [Thorin peers down his nose at his nephew, waiting expectantly for an answer. And it had better be the right one.]

Loyal-- No. No! I'm amazingly loyal! I'm the most loyal there is! I swear it, Thorin.

I an absolutely not an elf fancier. Impossible. Too fair! Not enough beards! Their braids are all wrong!

[Worst. Day. Ever.]

Please don't tell mum.

[Hasn't Thorin taught you better than this, Kili?] I won't. But only because I have no desire to break her heart. [Nor incur her wrath come to think of it, formidable thing that it is.]

[Thorin sighs to himself, his dour expression softening ever so slightly. Perhaps she would be right to blame him? Kili is, after all, Thorin's responsibility while they remain on this quest.] Did Rivendell impress you?

[This'd been meant to be a way to prove himself. Sure, he's got some facial hair growing issues, sure, he's got a mouth on him, and sure he might not take everything so seriously but Thorin's more than just a little intimidating. More than his prince. He's family. Disappointing him is heartbreaking.]

No. [It's sort of a whisper, that word.] No, I mean it's nice and all but too bright and clean. Not comfortable.

I am sure she would enjoy the halls of your realm could she truly see them in all your glory. [That is her grandmother you are talking about there.]

It would have made for a pretty prison, I'll say that much, but a prison nonetheless. They would have stopped us given half the chance. [It always comes back to Thorin's obsession in the end, doesn't it? The plan he's slowly been nurturing into existence for decades, time some - like Elrond - might say has been wasted on a futile quest.]

Remember that they would keep our home away from us if they could. They bear no love for our kin and would see us, all of us, banished to the Blue Mountains until the end of days.

[Ouch. What Thorin is saying is horrifying. The Blue Mountains is the only home Kili has known and yet, he feels the call to Erebor deeply in his soul. He's not thought his Elven guide had been kind to him, had not thought he was trying to keep the quest from him.

But Thorin knows best. Thorin always knows best.]

I'm sorry, Thorin.

[Tauriel says nothing at the moment, but simply watches all of the back and forth with faintly bemused interest and a serene expression.

Also, she is ignoring the cackling of her mun. Utterly.]

[Thorin sighs quietly to himself, hands folded somberly in front of him.] As am I. I should have warned you sooner.

[He doesn't mean to seem so harsh and unrelenting as all that but it's only right that Kili should know, that he should be aware of the sorts of dirty tricks Elves will stoop to.] They're villains, Kili. As wicked as an Orc but twice as cunning. You'll do well to remember that.

[Just beat him into the ground, why don't you, Thorin? Every single word causes Kili to straighten further, for his jaw to tighten, and his eyes to harden. Could he have been duped? Well, obviously. He assumed that elf to be a maid and instead had been left at his mercy and the butt of many of the jokes for the evening. Kili's heart hurts for his own stupidity.]

I will remember that, Thorin. [A promise.] I'll not be played for a fool again.

....what's this about 'elf fancier'?

[Because the thought will never enter his head that one of his nephews would even consider the option...]

I was just saying-- I was just-- Nothing, nothing at all, Thorin! Absolutely nothing. Hello. How did you like the wine?

...

Nasty stuff. The whole of it. Elves! Awful!

[Thorin stares very long and very hard.]

.........you can't lie to me, lad.

[He can bloody well try!]

Listen, it's not what you-- I was just looking. Briefly. Not my type. Honestly, ask Mr. Dwalin!

...let me make one thing perfectly clear, and then we shall never speak of the matter again;

[Mahal knows, Thorin doesn't want to speak of it now...but apparently he has to.]

NO NEPHEW OF MINE IS GOING TO RUN AROUND CHASING AN ELF SKIRT!!!

[Kili looks embarrassed and distraught and says something he really ought to have not:]

It wasn't an elf maid, Thorin! Just one of the men!

[How is that better? ]

[....WHY.]

[Thorin moves to grab his nephew by the shoulders and shake him a bit.]

ARE YOU MAD, BOY??

[Breathe, Thorin!]

...Kili, I understand feeling stirrings for other men, it's natural.

But an Elf???

[It's natural? Now he's even more confused! And shaken up. Honestly, that doesn't help. The poor dwarf has so few brain cells as it is that work properly!]

I didn't know! I was only looking!

[Really, really looking. And maybe talking to him after when Thorin wandered off, drunk. And maybe learning an elven plait. And maybe--]

They were kinda to us!

[Even Kili's mind, right now, is shouting for him to shut up!]

STOP. NO MORE.

[Thorin's starting to feel sick. He can't believe he has to have this conversation with Kili.]

...it is natural for a young Dwarf, like yourself, to feel attraction for another man.......a Dwarf man.

[Let's be clear now.]

[Thorin's obvious disgust with him has Kili shaking with absolutely not help at all from his uncle's anger.]

I'm sorry, Thorin. I'm sorry. Whatever I've said-- I'm sorry. I won't-- I'm not even-- I don't know what I was thinking. Too much wine-- I don't want any-- [Babble babble, whimper whimper.]

Who has time to bother with courting anyway, right? It's just--

We're sort of related to just about everyone on this trip save for Bofur and his family but it's Bofur and his family and there's the hobbit but come off it, who'd be interested in a hobbit-- I'll never, ever, look at anyone, ever, ever again. Blinders! It's just me and archery. All right?

Please don't be angry, uncle.

[Thorin raises his hand after a minute to silence the poor lad's babbling. Now he feels bad...his poor nephew...]

Calm yourself, nephew.

[He truly had not meant to get angry at his sister-son. Thorin simply wanted to protect the lad. His grip on Kili's shoulders loosens, merely comforting now.]

After all the Elves have done to us...I cannot allow my loved ones to willingly put themselves in danger of being hurt by Elf-scum.

Perhaps I have not been a good teacher in this matter. Believe me, lad, if we had time to stop more often on our journey to experience others outside members of the Company, we would.

When we reclaim Erebor, you and I will go visit the pubs of men in the Grey Mountains, or near Laketown, wherever you wish!

[Is this a set up? Pubs of Men sound like Thorin will get him started on fancying some plump and tall maid and then give him another good shaking! He frowns in his confusion.]

Fili ought to-- He'll be your heir until you find yourself a wife and have dwarrows of your own. I'm-- I'm content, Thorin, I promise you. I need no other. Though if they've decent beer--

[Thorin frowns; he does not like seeing such sadness in his nephew.]

Last I understood, Thorin Oakenshield had two sister-sons. Fili is my heir only because he was born first, not because I value him more, Kili.

I love you both, as my own sons. It pains me to see you unhappy.

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Late tag is late but AAAAH!! Kiliiiiii!!! :3

Yay Thorin!!!

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