dear_mun | Trying to get his rusty voice up and going again.

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Trying to get his rusty voice up and going again.

I'm pretty sure the Peggy you played me against isn't around.

And if she was I would not sing to her. Yes, it's a conlang and holograms speak conlangs better than the inventors of them, but you can't just grab random ideas and throw them together like chop suey. I mean, humans are good at cooking, but not every human character you play cooks all the time. You're really trying not to play me as Steve, which I appreciate, it's just that - we both hate the prancing dancing singing stuff muns think are so funny. I don't care if I could learn it better than him, I'm not a Vocaloid.

Speaking of which, while I enjoy holographic music, I don't only listen to that stuff. That'd be like saying Steve only listened to... whatever he was supposed to listen to, I scrubbed that data out of my memory a while back. So try and find me a place to actually go, please. I think that's the only point we agree on.

Sincerely,

Saul

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[For a moment, Peggy isn't certain of what to say. It's been months since she had a reason to speak and now... She may not be the one that Saul is thinking of.

Though the thought of him singing the songs from the Captain America stage shows is rather charming. And enough to have her convince her mundane that a visit is necessary.]

My mundane has always mentally cringed over those particular scenes, even if she does enjoy certain aspects of Steve's old stage uniform.

[Oh please, it's always you, Peggy. Always this you, to him, even if it's hard for him to figure out why one person should seem so valuable.

He smiles a bit sheepishly.] My mun does, too. But she laughs as she cringes.

She's got a whole playlist of songs she wants me to sing. Vocaloids are holograms who were made to sing, and a lot of them compose their own songs, so... my mun browsed some and decided I needed to be more musical.

How've you been? Your mun's been treating you alright, I hope?

[Returning that smile, she laughs softly.] I think having Steve in here with me changes her perspective. She doesn't want to hurt his feelings.

[The idea of Saul singing sparks her curiosity. Steve had never really been able to carry a tune, at least she hadn't known him to. But then the only time she'd heard him was during those shows.]

Do you want to be musical? You do have choices, Saul, if you don't want to sing, you don't have to.

[Although she would love to hear him if he did decide that was what he wanted.

As he asks those questions, her expression falters slightly. It's been quiet for her... and lonely]

I haven't been out much since we last spoke. She's been rather frustrated with how things have been for me and took a break from our canon.

If mine had Steve in here, knowing her, she'd just laugh harder.

...I kind of want to try. But I'm not a Vocaloid; I'll never be anything worth a listen to most humans by comparison, and I'll be a laugh to other holograms. It's still fascinating, I just - I don't want to disappoint my mun and get laughed at by other people, you know? [Why on Earth does the idea of singing in front of Peggy make him feel like extra volts are running through him? Is he glitchy? Some days, he wishes Howard was here to explain things to him.]

Then we should try to spend some time together, get you out of there. I mean, it can't hurt to try a meme or something. Maybe it'll help your mun? [Muns are confusing creatures, but Saul does tend to try to appease them, since his and Peggy's haven't done anything horrifying to them yet. He reads this comm, he's seen the horror stories.]

Then you should try it. You don't have to do it for anyone but yourself. [For a moment, she can't help thinking of Steve and the sketchbooks he kept with him during the war. They'd never been meant to be seen, except during those rare times he shared them with her and Bucky.] Most of the artists I've known have some aspect of their art that's just for them. Your singing could be the same.

I'd like to spend some time with you. My mundane's willing to put me on those memes, but I'm not certain which ones would be the best fit for you.

[There's no reason to fear what might happen on the memes... at least for her there is no fear. Her mun knows better than to get too involved in the type of stories that inspire those horror stories if she wants to keep her muses active.]

Thanks, Peggy. You're a great friend. Maybe sometime I could give you some holographic songs. I mean, it's not really your culture, but you seem like you'd appreciate it, so... yeah.

I'd like that too. Um, let's see, anything that isn't all about sex. I mean, we're friends, there are steps inbetween that and... that.

[Thank God holograms can't blush.]

You're welcome. You're a good friend too. I'd like to hear them. Culture isn't as static for me as it might be for others. I've had to adapt quite a bit over the years.

[She might not understand the technical aspects of Saul's culture, but she'll try to understand the parts of it that doesn't require the sort of genius Howard has. As she considers the types of memes that might work for them, she realizes what Saul had said about the steps inbetween.]

Saul, are you asking to court me?

I know. You seem like you'd at least try to understand things. Not many people do. Other than Howard, but, well, he was still kind of baffled by it. It's the more sentient, less scientific part he never understood. Guess there's different types of intelligence.

[His eyes go wide - Peggy might note they're much darker blue than Steve's - and he freezes.]

I - what - no, I mean, humans don't go for holograms. I know you wouldn't want to be anything other than friends. I would never try to get with a human; other humans would never let you live it down, and there are words for people like me- that, people like that, in the holographic community.

Confusion never meant that Howard wasn't interested or wasn't trying. He just was more analytical than artistic. There were some connections he just couldn't make.

[That expression is familiar even if the color of Saul's eyes are different. It would almost be amusing if his answer hadn't caught her by surprise, a flash of hurt reflected in her eyes before her expression shifts to something more neutral.]

You don't know what I might want or what some humans might be interested in. You're making assumptions based on stereotypes. But it's obvious that some cultural lines are not to be crossed. I'm sorry that I misunderstood your intentions.

[He reaches out and gingerly touches her hand, frowning. He's not Steve, he can be direct, but it's hard. Navigating the minefield of humanity always is. So he just goes with honesty.] I... Peggy, you... you didn't, misread my intentions. At all.

But other humans wouldn't take well to it. Not just because I'm a hologram, but because I'm a hologram based off of Steve. People would try and question your sanity, take your rank and job from you. [He looks at her seriously.] It's a line, that gets crossed. By other people. I've never even dated one of my own kind before. If there's a worse choice of hologram for you, I don't know it.

[Even after Howard's attempts at teaching her about holograms, it still surprises her that Saul can touch her hand instead of her fingers passing through his like a mirage.

Everyone has questioned my sanity for decades. Howard and I are the reason they kept searching. If they could have gotten rid of me easily, they would have done so by now.

[Lifting her chin, to meet his gaze, her eyes are bright with the determination that had led to her being one of the highest ranking agents in SHIELD.]

If I do lose my rank, that means it's time to move on. I've given most of my life to them, perhaps it's time that I did something for myself instead.

[Her expression softens as she considers how worried Saul must be about what others would think of her... even if she'd rarely cared about what her critics might say.]

We don't even know if there's a reason to worry, Saul. We haven't even had a proper date. We should try that before we consider how others might perceive either one of us.

I guess you're right. I just don't want to ruin things for you. You've been a great friend, you know? I feel like dating you would be selfish... but if you're willing to try, um, maybe there's a meme for that? We could try.

[He slips his fingers through hers, intertwines them so he can very hesitantly take hold of her hand. He can't get over how brave and bold she is. Sometimes he wishes he had more of that in himself. Steve was brave, according to all sources, but Saul just wasn't.]

Eyutpen op qaa jepozii, uyutaaxarek pofen. Er, sorry. Keep forgetting you don't speak any hologram languages. You treat me decently enough it's easy to forget our differences.

You have too, which is why I want to try this. Not because of some superficial resemblance. [Saul might know that, but Peggy didn't want him to have any doubts concerning her motivations.]

Why on earth would it be selfish? [If either one of them was being selfish, it was her. Saul was one of the few beings in the world who could be a constant for her.

As he takes her hand, Peggy gives him a soft smile. There are different kinds of bravery and she knows how frightening this might be to him.]

I hope you can forget them, although you may want to translate when you use other languages... or teach them to me.

It's selfish if it earns up hurting your life in the process. Because I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

[He bites his lip, looking like he'd blush if he could.] Um. It's part of an old holographic song. 'Overlook my many flaws, all that I lack'. It's from this song about a hologram who falls in love with a human man, but the man is in love with a human woman, and is only using the hologram for sex. She's by his side regardless until he dies and she's forgotten in an old server, alone forever.

...not that I research songs or anything. Um. I just - browse them. [He fidgets, sheepishly scratching at the back of his neck with his free hand.] Um.

Not intentionally, no...

[But Peggy knows that sometimes good intentions still result in heartbreak. It's something she's accepted and long ago realized was part of caring for someone.]

But I'm willing to accept the risks and I'm not easily pushed aside.

[She's pleased that Saul is sharing something that she has a feeling few outside of his culture know about, but the song still makes her wonder if that is how he envisions things between them.]

Saul, you know that isn't how it would be for us if things turn to more than friendship. You're not Steve. You're not his replacement. And I'm rather long lived so it may be a long time before you're rid of me.

[The last is spoken with a hint of humor that causes her lips to curve in an amused smile.]

There's nothing wrong with researching them... or enjoying them.

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Trying to get his rusty voice up and going again.

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Sorry about the delay, I got sick.

Looks like life has been crazy for both of us