possible spoilers for kick-ass 2 in the comments.

[wetsuited]

No. No way! Fuck that, you can't just skip ahead in time and bring me to some weird "GAME", just because-

No! You saw what happened!

[ THINGS, happened, mun. THINGS!! so he's begging like a bitch to not be canon updated. ]

I can't handle that. I can't.

Comments

[goodcallbabydoll]

[He's not liking how this sounds. At all. So he's just going to smile, all genial, all clark kent.]

...Sorry what?

1/2

[wetsuited]

[ . . . ]

[wetsuited]

Nuh- Nothing!

[goodcallbabydoll]

[He just folds his arms and keeps smiling. Are you really going to try lying to this guy.

Are you.]

[kickhisass]

Yeah, what happened. [ Because...the hell was that three minute cameo. ]

YELLS i've never played against a katie before uguuu

[wetsuited]

Katie.

[ embarrassed and relieved and I should be glad that you got out before they went after you and I'm not a pedo I SWEAR are all mushed into the way he says her name. he also looks like someone just shot him in the chest with a .45 ]

Are you gonna hit me if I say I'm really, really glad to see you? [ that you're alright ]

never played before with Dave. only Mindys!

[kickhisass]

[ She sighs, but she's still totally got a mad on for you, so she'll let it slide, especially since this is superhero business and she isn't the one in the suit. He is. Yeah, he should've stopped, but this is Dave. She's going to accept it. ]

I'll hit you if you don't say you're glad to see me. [ Pause. ] Pretty sure I could go a few rounds with your friend Hit Girl for the shitty way I acted in the sequel. [ And then, oh just come here. She throws her arms around him and puts her head on his shoulder. ] Thank God you're okay.

[ruffntumblenut]

...wow. You're that guy Mindy kept telling me about?

...

...you're kind of a weenie.

[wetsuited]

What!

[ ... yeah he's kind of a weenie, he knows. Kick-Ass is more ballsy than Dave Lizewski is, but he can't exactly use that in an argument. ]

Mindy's just kidding around when she says stuff like that. Y'know, being a jerk. In a friend way.

[ no she's not ]

[ruffntumblenut]

...

[she gets right up in his face looking him in the eyes, even sniffing a little]

Mmmnope. You're a weenie.

:D

[wetsuited]

[ totally


fucking


blindsided.......


but in a good way!

so he hugs her back as soon as his brain starts functioning again, probably a little too tight, because he needs this, he does. he can't afford to lose anybody else in his life, and Katie was his first everything. that'll always mean something to him. ]

'Course I am. I'm not going anywhere.

[ which is such a bullshit thing to say, but hey, he's survived this long, right? and if he gets back into his Kick-Ass costume, he's gonna do it right. no more wetsuit, something legit. ... but that's for later! he only then finally lets go of her, taking a step back with a small shake of his head ]

And you don't wanna volunteer for time in the ring with Hit Girl, she has a very fucked up perspective on what's fair for an apology for acting like a dick. [ ... ] Not that you were that much of a dick. [ ... ] Only mildly dickish. [ ... ] I mean, you didn't know.

*u*b

[kickhisass]

[ Katie knows it's a lie, and she's not going to call him on it. He's the first guy who is everything to her -- who treats her like she's something else and not just the pretty popular girl who looks great in tight shirts and is an awesome nightstand. ]

Oh c'mon. I was totally a dick. I didn't even listen to you when you told me what was going on and -- come on. We both know I've got you too totally fucking whipped to ever cheat on me. [ And he's got her too Mary Jane Watson to ever leave him. ]

[arach_nerd]

Yeah, complaining about it just makes them want to do it more.

Unless, of course, they're also complaining about it.

[erred]

Unfortunately, that's not the kind of thing that tends to stop them, but good luck to you.

[hit_girl_mindy]

Hey, you and me both. Did you see that stupid fucking dance of mine in the trailers?

Who am I supposed to be, Hit Girl as done by Frank Miller?

[resurgent]

You can be as strong as you have to be. Whatever it is, Dave, you can handle it.

Hahaha metaaa

[wetsuited]

Don't worry, that wasn't you, Mindy.

To be fair, the movie was great, but as a movie, not my like. Hell, I'd go see it if it was about people I didn't know.

[wetsuited]

Oh. Well, fuck! Nah, she loved it, of course. That's why she wants to shove my life ahead to include all of it.

Re: Hahaha metaaa

[hit_girl_mindy]

Damn right it wasn't. What the hell am I doing dancing for cheerleaders? Couldn't have lost that bad a bet.

Not your like? What would you go see, The Avengers for the billionth time? Hopefully not Man of Steel.

[themotherfucker]

Kick-Ass is being a pussy, color me surprised. Maybe I should start calling you Suck-Ass.

[Not that he's happy about the way things went either.]

[soyoudonthaveto]

Yeah, I did warn you about how bad things would get in the movie.

Or at least I would have more properly if somebody, aka ME his mundane, had actually decided to stick around and not jump from person to person for the lulz.

1/2

[wetsuited]

[ whAT THE FUCK IS THIS GUY DOING HERE ]

[wetsuited]

I'd make up a stupid nickname for your new villain name, but it's already so fucking lame it'd be more insulting to just leave it the way it is.

[ good one. ]

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[wetsuited]

[ g u l p ]

It's bad, Allie. --Can I call you Allie?

[ another gulp ]

It's the kinda bad a kid shouldn't deal with, and it's all my fault, all of it. I started it.

oops i meant 'life' not 'like'

[wetsuited]

It's a weird, long story.

Iron Man 3. [ sage nod ]

[themotherfucker]

Yeah? Looks like someone's jealous that his shitty PG-13 superhero name isn't the most badass anymore.

Listen, man, we both know that without Hit-Girl you'd be dead ten times over. You're basically a sidekick.

i miss youuuuuu

[resurgent]

[ she smiles the small kind that isn't yes or a no. Allie sounds like it should be a little girl's name but coming from him, it doesn't. ]

Maybe getting away from it is exactly what you need. A place to come to terms with it. [ it worked for her. is working? ] There are some things you can never take back, but you can make sure it doesn't happen again. [ too forward thinking, that one. ] You can finish something differently than you intended when you started it.

Re: oops i meant 'life' not 'like'

[hit_girl_mindy]

Yeah, I'm gonna go add "stupid, made up" to that.

Isn't that the one where Tony stupidly calls out the villain to find him at his fucking house and, surprise, he does? When did Tony become a total retard?

[wetsuited]

So what? I'm cool with being Robin. Robin still kicks more ass than you, and he didn't have to buy his friends. People watch my back because they want to, not because I paid them to.

[themotherfucker]

Well, one of your little friends already told me who your dad was, so I guess we all know how much unpaid loyalty is worth, huh?

and i, you! trying not to spoil the movie for you jkgb

[wetsuited]

But sending me to some fucked up planet with a killer virus? How is that better? I might not have anything left for me back in New York, but I cah- I can't just leave. [ he hates himself for saying it so much, "can't", but until ...I decide to play him from the second movie, he's just a kid reading a comic book and watching a movie that happens to predict his life over the two-three years that went by since he first put on that costume ] Maybe you're right. At least if I'm out of New York I can't fuck it up any worse than I already have.

[wetsuited]

-- What?

[wetsuited]

Thanks. I think.

-- What, uh. What does stop them? If you don't mind sharing.

[themotherfucker]

Yeah, the douchebag in the yellow suit. He was really desperate to roll with my awesome crew, I guess.

[wetsuited]

[ oh man. oh man, oh man, oh man. suddenly he feels guilty, because he sure fucked Night Bitch more than once, but to be fair, that was after Katie slapped him and let her friend call him a pedophile more than once in front of a bunch of classmates, so. he really thought they were done. finished. finito. and yeah, he was a dumbass for not fighting to keep her in his life, but things got so crazy so fast, it didn't seem fair to beg anyone to come back to that. maybe some part of him is whipped, he still thinks she's too hot and too nice and too smart for him, and-

now all he can do is shake his head, then nod, like he can't figure out how to react to anything right now ]

Besides, Mindy's like a sister to me. It wasn't like that at all. It's never going to be like that. I hung out with her a lot because I needed her to train me how to fight, and she'd kill me for saying this ( literally kill me, so don't tell anyone ), but I knew she needed to know someone had her back. [ hhhk ] I shouldn't have neglected you like I was, but I guess I just got caught up in the whole thing again. The Kick-Ass thing, I mean. It's hard not to.

[kickhisass]

Seeing the way you guys talk to each other when my mun watched our movie for the millionth time -- I should have picked that up first thing. I'm a counselor for God's sake!

[ She shakes her head. ] You weren't neglecting me. You were doing something amazing, Dave. You -- you're that person who doesn't stand by and let bad things just happen. You do something about it -- and it's dangerous, yes, but -- whether or not I'm still your girlfriend, I'm just...

...really proud of you.

[wetsuited]

Todd? [ seriously devastated for a second, but- ] It, uh- [ CLEARS HIS THROAT, VERY MANLY ] He ended up ditching you anyway. [ good one ]

[wetsuited]

[ if Dave was less of a pussy, that whole little speech wouldn't make him kinda want to cry. but it does, because he IS a pussy, and it's really hard not having anyone you know is on your side, not really, not like this. someone that knows who he is, his secret, his giant fuck-ups and his tiny victories, and is telling him it's the right thing ]

God, Katie, you're so- way, way too good for me. [ for the record, he isn't crying, but his throat feels tight and he has to sigh and it's like that night he showed up in her room dressed as kick-ass and he had no idea how to handle any of it ]

[themotherfucker]

As if I needed him. I'm just glad I have friends who are paid not to say stupid shit.