CHAPTER 48 MORE LIKE VOMITS BLOOD (Canon is Attack on Titan duh)

[toobig]

 I don't know why... you're so happy? Everyone...-- Someone is going to die, there's... no one around to save us. 

And you're... just happy I got along with everyone in training camp...?

Comments

[greatrage]

Everyone dies.

Eventually.

[still not happy with you, mister, but at least he's not coming out you like a spider monkey]

[schild]

I'm... kinda happy too.

I wasn't the only one who... well.

spoiiiiiiilers

[deviantlyhates]

The bonds you make during training camp will last forever.

[ That may sound like a cheesy line about ~friendship~... but it points out one more thing: that what Bertholdt's done against them, the grief he's (and Reiner) caused, will stay with him as well. Forever.

If he's just beginning to feel a guilt complex now, this is only the beginning. ]

[toobig]

[He flinches a little, just by instinct.]

I know that...

It doesn't mean I want... it to happen now.

[toobig]

...

I'm sorry I was... rude about it before.

always

[toobig]

[The guilt's been there. Bertholdt's stuck-- all the way back at eleven, when he kicked down the gate and killed a 10,000 people.]

I tried to... to keep everyone away. I didn't want them to... to like me.

[schild]

I know you had to be. Otherwise, I seriously think I would have abandoned the mission...

[greatrage]

Maybe you should have thought about that before you threatened the lives of thousands of people, some of which are pretty fuckin' strong and have sharp swords! [he folds his arms and shakes his head] I don't know what you and Reiner were thinking, Bertolt... I can't even begin to think of a reason why you'd have to do something like that. But you're a soldier anyway. Soldiers should always be prepared to die.

[toobig]

I can't apologize.

[It's nothing he could ever apologize for. "I'm sorry"? It would be insulting. So he just looks down. And away, because down is where Eren is.]

I just knew... what we were told to do. That's all I can say.

[It isn't even an excuse. They had been children, they had been scared, but they had still killed thousands of people.]

[toobig]

For a while I couldn't tell... what you were thinking, and I got scared.

[schild]

Me too. I... I knew you were there, but you seemed so far away...

[toobig]

[He reaches, and grips his hand tightly.]

I'm sorry... I won't-- I'll be here, no matter what.

[greatrage]

[you're right, bertl. Cause nothing you say will ever make it better. Nothing you say will bring his mom back. His mom, or any of those people.

But Eren's not totally heartless unlike some people that are his siblings. While he's still FURIOUS, seeing him be so beat up about it. He regrets it]

I guess that just means you were soldiers of another kind. But... I don't know. Monsters don't usually regret things, do they. Though you could just be pullin' my leg again.

[toobig]

I'm not.

[He can't make Eren believe him.]

[greatrage]

There's no way I can be sure, though. I mean... even after all that time in training... being our comrades. You still kicked that wall in Trost.

1/2

[toobig]

2/2

[toobig]

Eren would you--

You don't have to... agree or care or-- anything, just...

Hear me out?

[greatrage]

.... [he furrows his brows and twitches his lips into a sneer, but--]

... As long as you don't fuckin' wrap me up and gag me again, I guess... listenin' won't hurt. [but he's not happy about it]

MUN HANDWAVE UNTIL WE KNOW MORE

[toobig]

I won't.

[No papoose for you.]

I just...

[It takes a lot for him to get it out, his hands moving to wring and fidget in front of him. For someone so tall, so deadly, he really is timid and shy and... self conscious and sad.]

All I remember being told... when we came to Wall Maria was... to knock it down, and ...squash the ants. I-- was so scared, but I thought... I knew we'd be in trouble, that... we'd be the ones who...

I never wanted to-- kill anyone, or hurt anyone. I just-- did what I was told.

[Like he always did. His voice keeps growing smaller and smaller.]

We were just-- little kids. Nothing can... take it back...

I-I never wanted...

[my_martyrdom]

Bertholdt...

See, I told you you were important to us. You were never considered an outsider at all. You're our friend.

[toobig]

[Oh no, Christa....]

But I...

Even so, there's no going back, is there?

[sweetjeans]

I know you and Reiner got to have a reason.. you just have to. I know you, Bertholdt, you're not this big bad guy, well, I mean--at least not at heart.

[toobig]

[JEAN STOP....]

I... Jean, even if we do, how...

[WHY ARE PEOPLE BEING NICE STOP IT.]

[my_martyrdom]

I'm afraid I can't say for sure. You confessed so much that maybe this time- we can all fight together again.

Just don't go in to the fight thinking you have nothing to lose nor friends to mourn. We do but we also need to know why in order to help.

[toobig]

[His voice grows small.]

There's no way to help.