Probably homeless forever- wait that wasn't meant to be a joke.

[aeviternity]

All this whining about a long distance relationship, I've done it before! It's easy. You just call her a lot on the phone, and whenever you can get money, you take a bus to visit her and maybe touch her pussy a little. It's awesome!

Comments

[wereguido]

...I don't really think that's how it's supposed to work.

[Always such a charmer, Kenny.]

[aeviternity]

What do you mean?

[wereguido]

I mean, there's more to a relationship than talking to her a lot until you can go visit her and- Whatever. [He tilts his head and frowns.] Probably.

Girls like romance and flowers and keeping you up all night listening to their problems, or whatever the hell always kept Wendy and Stan occupied.

[He actually has no idea about the fine nuances of romancing a chick, but like hell he's gonna admit that.]

[aeviternity]

Well yeah I guess you have to do all that lame stuff too, but you still have to know how to make her feel good. [Feel good with your hands and with words and stuff right? He went to home ec okay, he knows what ladies want.]

And having a lot of money. [Though he's kind of mumbling a bit on that one.]

[wereguido]

[Kyle puts his hands up in front of his face.]

Right, okay, yeah, I don't need to know all that. And anyway... [He flashes Kenny an uncertain look.] What are you doing giving out long-distance relationship advice? Have you even talked to that girl since you were eight?

[aeviternity]

[He laughs, offering a kind of sly look before he shrugs.]

Well my mun was being really sad about their long distance relationship so I was trying to be nice. No, not for a long time, but then I dated Tammy a while after, remember? It just didn't work with Kelly I guess. [Looks down, offering a small sigh.]

[wereguido]

Christ, I'm glad I don't have to deal with that kind of thing with my mun.

[He blinks. Come to think of it...]

Hey, what ever happened with Tammy, anyway? [Seeing as he doesn't remember anything about that pesky "death by syphilis" thing...]

[aeviternity]

Nah it's not that bad, they play a lot of really cool video games too! It's just bitching and whining sometimes, haha.

Uh, well it just, I mean after she gave me a BJ- [Yeah he wouldn't remember now would he, no one ever does. After a slight pause.] -nothing else really happened I guess. [More looking down, another sighed.] Kinda sucks. I dunno.

[wereguido]

As long as you're not stuck with one of the really terrible ones, dude. [With a pointed look on his face. He's heard way too many horror stories about muns for comfort.

He rolls his eyes.] I told you you guys were too young for that.

[He'll only be sympathetic when it doesn't get in the way of being a know-it-all!]

[aeviternity]

Terrible, like what?

Hahahaha no way man, it was awesome! You totally gotta get one too!

[wereguido]

Like the ones who only ever put you in places where you'll get torn apart or something. [As if Kenny doesn't know what that's like, ahahaha-] Mine has some other guys in a place like that right now. It's fucked up.

[He wrinkles his nose.]

And no thanks, I'll pass.

[aeviternity]

Oh, well- Yeah that'd fucking suck. My mun was trying to find a good place for me to go but there's been a lot of trouble I guess. [Games don't take too likely to a character constantly dying and reviving, who woulda thunk it?] Oh yeah? Mine has a few in places too, but I guess none of them are cool enough for me. One of them was this scary boat or something? But I guess something didn't work out there either. [Shrugs.] There's a death cap and that won't work. [Not that Kyle has any idea why that wouldn't work.]

No seriously dude, it's awesome. But I guess if you're gonna be a fag about it. Hahahaha.

[wereguido]

...A scary boat. [The flat tone of his voice is a great indicator of what Kyle thinks about that concept.] I don't even- Ugh, well, I guess it's good that she didn't send you there, huh? If they actually have to put a cap on the number of times you can die- [And the notion of dying more than once is strange enough to him.] -then you probably don't wanna be there, anyway.

[But, more importantly:]

--Shut up! There's nothing faggy about it, asshole!

[aeviternity]

Yeah I dunno, they want dying to mean something I guess? [He says that kind of like a joke, but leaves it at that.]

[Kyle freaking out is enough and Kenny laughs, holding his hands over his chest.]

Hahahaha, yeah there is! You don't want a girl to put your peepee in her mouth! What do you want a boy to do it? Hahahahahaha!

[wereguido]

You'd think dying would mean something no matter how many times you-

[Oh alright, he's trying his best to focus on the conversation about death, but arguments about sexuality seem way more important to him right now.]

No, I do not want a fucking boy to do it! I don't want my wiener in anyone's mouth, gross!

[aeviternity]

[Kenny doesn't want to go all Mysterion at you right now, Kyle. Does he have to shoot himself in the head again? He's just happy the conversation eventually just turns though.]

And that's like totally fucking stupid. I guess you're just not ready yet. Do you even like girls, dude? That Rebecca girl was like, forever ago.

[wereguido]

[Goddamnit, he had to bring up Rebecca, didn't he? Kyle presses his lips together in a thin, hard line. His face flushes almost as red as his hair; much as he tries to avoid it, he's definitely living up to the "fiery redhead" stereotype right now.]

Don't say 'you're not ready' like you're so much older than me. And I'm not gay, I just don't feel like getting all touchy-feely with any of the girls in town, that's all!

[aeviternity]

[Just a wide grin, patting him on the back. Shhh, it's okay dude, sure she was hot and smart, and sure it didn't work out, but it happens.]

If you say so. [Shrugs.]

Say, what've you been doing here anyway? You get sent anywhere?

[wereguido]

[Kyle accepts the pat, albeit with a sour look on his face, but he seems to get over it soon enough. He sighs and shakes his head.]

No, not me. But my mun tracks this tag - whatever that means - and used it as an excuse to let me out. [He mumbles:] 'I have to do something with this username,' or whatever?

...I dunno. I don't think I'll ever understand girls like her.

[Or girls in general.]

[aeviternity]

Haha oh yeah? Mine does the same too. She's been trying to get a bunch of people to what our show or something too? Apparently I'm a really 'strong muse', whatever the fuck that even means. Guess it super sucks she can't find a good game for me. Maybe I'm just too cool. [A chuckle.]

You just gotta talk to them remember? Girls are pretty cool and get super hot sometimes.

[wereguido]

Mine does the same thing. [A little bitter, he huffs and says:] I think she likes you more than me, too.

And thanks, but no thanks. I don't care about them that much.

[After all, who wants to sit through long conversations about boy bands and British celebrities, and then have them try to throw themselves on you? Ick.]

[aeviternity]

Huh, likes me? Really?

That's kinda faggy. But it's okay, you're still cool by me. [Offers a thumbs up.]

[wereguido]

Yup. You're her favorite character. [He goes on in a tone that's half-teasing.] Careful, though, 'cause she likes Cartman for some goddamn reason. I can't say much about her taste.

[Eyeroll.] Great. It's good to know I passed the McCormick Fag Inspection.

[aeviternity]

Woohoo, that's great! Whoa wait what, Cartman? What the hell's with that? He's a douchebag.

[Just laughing at that, holding his chest again and wiping his eyes a little.]

[wereguido]

I know! She says that fat dick's really popular. Fucking crazy, right?

[Nothing rustles his jimmies like people liking Cartman! He's completely indignant, like Cartman's popularity is some personal slight against him.]

[aeviternity]

I guess he can be kinda amusing with how stupid he is. [Glances down. Really, Cartman got popular because he's an evil son of a bitch? That's so stupid.]

Well- [Glances to Kyle, he seems a little bent up about it. Understandably.] It's okay, you're a lot cooler anyway. [Pats him on the shoulder.] Cartman's just an ass master.

[authoritah]

Ew, Kenny, why the fuck would you want to touch her pussy. You don't know where it's been or what's been in there. Or what's come out.

[aeviternity]

Hahahaha, I think I have a good idea.

[authoritah]

[ Well speak of the devil... ]

I can hear you guys, you know.

[aeviternity]

Whoa! It's weird we couldn't see you coming Cartman. You know, cause you're huge! Hahahahaha!

[wereguido]

[He joins Kenny in laughing up a storm.]

Yeah, you'd think we would hear the ground shake from a mile away!

[aeviternity]

Hahaha, like in Jurassic Park! Too bad we didn't have any glasses of water!

[authoritah]

HEY!! You can shut your poorass mouth, Kenny!

[authoritah]

Yeah? No wonder you got herpes.

[aeviternity]

Wow, I don't have herpes!

[authoritah]

Haha, no way, dude, you totally got herpes.

[aeviternity]

Fuck you fatass!

[cherubim]

YOUR ADVICE FOR DEALING WITH HUMAN FEMALE BITCHES. IS ONLY SEMI-ACCURATE.
AND VULGAR.
HUMAN BITCHES PREFER THE MORE PORNOGRAPHIC TENDENCIES OF...
HANDHOLDING.

[aeviternity]

[This guy's typing it really weird... He'll just stick to talking.]

Nu-huh, handholding isn't pornographic! You do that stuff with your friends and siblings too, if it was pornographic that'd be weird.

[cherubim]

YOU WOULD DO THAT SORT OF THING.
WITH YOUR **SIBLINGS**??
JUST HOW RAUNCHY ARE YOU??

[aeviternity]

That's a normal thing that siblings do? Are you fucking stupid or something?

[cherubim]

MAYBE IT'S NORMAL FOR YOU.
AND YOUR PERVERSIVE DISGUSTING PREDILECTIONS.
BUT THE REST OF US AROUND HERE KNOW BETTER.

[aeviternity]

Um, but it's normal for everyone? You're just fucking weird.

[cherubim]

IT'S NOT NORMAL FOR EVERYONE AT ALL!
YOU PROBABLY THINK *KISSING* IS JUST A THING YOU CAN GO AROUND DOING TOO, DON'T YOU?
YOU TWISTED PERVERT.

[aeviternity]

Kissing is just for people you like, whoa, you're really fucked up! You should settle down, dude.

[cherubim]

NO, *YOU'RE* REALLY FUCKED UP.
AND NO.
I'M NOT SETTLING DOWN.

[aeviternity]

Nu huh, dude! You totally are!