Old muse is dusty and old

[birdnapper]

Well. Yeah, this is real cute. You watch a movie that I'm not even in-- much to its detriment, by the way-- and suddenly you're nostalgic for the good old days when you were wielding the Hammer. Sorry, sweetheart, apparently they've got Nordic aliens to do that for you now.

That and you made a journal for Stark after me. Really, I'm hurt. Actually, I think prison would be preferable to being locked up in a headspace with him. [He thinks about that for a second.] Almost preferable.

Look, how about you go back to your super geniuses and world saviors, keep me clear of any goddamn Russians, and we'll just leave it at that, huh? Don't call me, I'll have someone call you. And set your house on fire.

Comments

[liverletdie]

Wow, with charisma like that...

[birdnapper]

Hey, different universe, same dick. Long time no see.

[therealgenius]

At least they made Stark after you? [Us? Us. We?] I mean, clearly they know what's up.

[birdnapper]

[oh my god cloning has allowed him to meet his favorite person]

Yeah, except apparently I came around because she didn't have the guts to try him at the time.

[itase]

The old house on fire line? Yeesh. And the Hammer thing was so good. Seriously sweet Nord name-droppage.

[therealgenius]

[How funny, he feels the same way!]

Is that a thing? That's how I got here, the lack of guts. And the overabundance of them, too. And the actor being someone she likes.

[How can you not? Look at this perfect fucking face, the one he's wearing and the one talking to him. How can anyone not want to stare at nine billion 100x100 pictures of him every day? How?]

There's really, there's just no getting away from him.

[liftme]

[maybe no one else on asgard thinks much of you, justin

but mjolnir likes you a lot because you have a strong last name and it is worthy of a warrior

and he also hates birds, not just cockatoos

you can't pick him up, though c: never worthy, nothing new, right?]

[liverletdie]

And your dulcet tones are as grating as ever. I see you haven't changed a bit, have you?

[birdnapper]

Tony, your opinion, as ever, is just totally flying over my head. So it's not worth much.

But I don't see much worth changing outside the supreme court rulings.

[birdnapper]

[Mjolnir, you are a beautiful, shiny thing, and Justin likes that in a power tool. Like himself. He'd love to bond with you over how much anything that flies outside of his private jet totally sucks, but he's too busy trying to pick you up anyway.

And failing, so hilariously badly.]

[birdnapper]

[Justin practically makes a living out of namedropping.

It's kind of sad.]

Well, not all of us can instagram gods, hon.

[liverletdie]

How progressive of you.

Don't worry, I wasn't expecting much change. That's a little much to ask, isn't it?

[birdnapper]

[It's a mystery that haunts him at night, almost as much as the squawks of parrots.]

Not even through a wormhole-- which he'll probably start claiming he invented next.

[therealgenius]

[Listen to a peacock squawk. Nightmares for weeks, man.]

I think he'd claim the sun revolved around him if he could. He probably has, when he was drunk. Which is like 80% of the time.

[liftme]

[oh no!

he has an issue, you see. any time he gets touched, he can weigh a person's worth. he can know all the things about them. justin, your hand is horrible. not the worst he's felt, but still pretty awful. it reeks of envy (which is nothing new) and something fruity...an alcoholic beverage of choice, perhaps? and also the color orange. and stiff, stuffy fabrics. and gunpowder, explosives. it smells of a man who's never quite been what he's wanted to be, but only because someone else made sure of that, even if it was obliviously.

and vodka. how does mjolnir know midgardian alcohol? because he's a fucking hammer who's forging was so powerful it destroyed a star, don't question it. he's just pure, unadulterated awesome, anyone who questions him is a damn fool.

so, yucky. yucky stuff! and no, he shan't budge an inch. not in the hands of justin hammer or anyone else who's found wanting.

you can't look but please don't touch, mjolnir don't want no drama, don't want no no drama, no more drama in his life. please?]

[birdnapper]

[An insurmountable task, really.]

Just be glad I don't have any complaints about not still being in Satan's historical reenactment Manhattan.

[birdnapper]

[If Justin wasn't a cynical man, he'd probably say he could feel it reading him, and dissing his screwdrivers. Not cool, hammerbro. It's almost good that he can't tell, or he might have to do some of that awful thing called introspection. Obviously, Justin's failings spring more from his greed and desperation to be on top than the work of others, but it's hard to look at yourself in the mirror and own up to being a shadow of a man.

Blaming Tony Stark is just so much easier. Even if his rival is smarter, more charming, and actually a far better person deep down.

Of course, that doesn't mean he's giving up on Mjolnir. He's gonna just sit down and admire that fine Asgardian handiwork.]

So Thor is just another dumb jock who forgets his gym bag in the basement, huh? Wonder how often this happens.

[birdnapper]

Eighty? I think you're being generous. Not that we don't hold good qualities like that in abundance.

[liverletdie]

Hey now, that was hardly my fault. That was all your writer's. She could've kept you away from there, you know.

[ex_decept617]

Still threatening people, Hammer? I see you didn't learn your lesson.

Because there needs to be brain break.

[thethirdoption]

Still calling yourself "the Hammer?" I'd think you'd hate that after the hammer was brought down on you.

[STILL FEELING SMUG, BY THE WAY, ABOUT YOU GETTING ARRESTED.]

[liftme]

[oh justin, bb, you poor thing, let mjolnir cry you a river of...nothing, because he's a fucking hammer, for christ's sake. hammers don't cry.

do you cry, justin?

don't diss thor, bro. mjolnir is tight with him. he loves him some thor. you know, when he's worthy of picking him up. otherwise he just feels kind of sad because he wants to be picked up but his make won't let him and there's thor

staring

sad

wondering why he's being betrayed when he knows mjolnir can't do anything about it.

sad time all around, those three days on midgard. not to mention all those sweaty alcoholics touching him and just and no and and and trauma!

but hey, he can't do anything like let justin pick him up. he can, however, swivel around to rest with his handle sticking straight up, glowing just enough to reveal a celtic knot and some inscription around him.

he's cool, isn't he?]

[birdnapper]

At least your building burned down there.

[birdnapper]

[oh god stay away from him]

And you still can't take a joke?

[It so wasn't a joke.]

it would probably just lead to him being offensive

[birdnapper]

Sounds like you should leave the wordplay to the professionals, then, sweetheart.

[birdnapper]

[Those three days were pretty terrible for Justin too, with the whole getting arrested thing. His actual hammer friend got the happier ending there.

As for crying, he may have in the past, but tears didn't make him any money, so it wasn't worth the effort to shed them anymore. Not since he was a lonely, angry child who got bullied for taking dance lessons. Of course, no one mocking him cared that jazz didn't make him a ballerina at all.

The inscriptions on Mjolnir remind him of all that childhood bullshit, probably since they resembled the designs on his grandmother's curtains or something. But above nostalgia, Justin is admiring the craftsmanship of the hammer.

He's not anywhere near as good as Tony, but he can make things, though poorly, and appreciate the work of others. Not bad for... however the hell old it must be. And forged in what, magic? Yeah, right.

Justin can't pick up the hammer, but he still runs his fingers along the knot admiringly. His eyes are alight with thoughts of how much richer it could make him if only he could move it.]

[therealgenius]

You don't need to preach to the choir, Mister Hammer.

[Still feels good, though. His favorite person ever complimenting him (them), good show!]

How long has it been since you were...around?

[liftme]

[it's cute, the idea that anyone could "own" mjolnir. thor didn't own him. odin didn't own him. true, he was made for a purpose, but if the person trying to lift him was found wanting, they couldn't do anything with him. they could run tests and scans, try to understand him and fail, but he couldn't be moved unless the person was right or he felt like it himself.

he's capable of doing what he damn well pleases, even if the call of the worthy (thor, odin, the spider-man at one point, he hasn't had the pleasure of many more) demands his immediate attention. but anyone who'd try to sell him would have a hard time, considering they'd get about halfway through the negotiations before he'd had enough of it and flew on out.

there's an inscription on his side, though: Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor

it's just not a lot of people are worthy. you understand, don't you, justin? it's nothing personal.

it just takes a very special person to deserve the power of a god.]

[ex_decept617]

You're pathetic threats are hardly what I call amusing.

[liverletdie]

Oh yeah, at least that.

I wasn't happy.

[gotmyending]

Wait, we're setting houses on fire? I'm in. When do we start.

[barrel]

Do you do that a lot?

She's used to it.

[thethirdoption]

Or you could learn to actually do wordplay, because there's no way anything besides your jail sentence has earned the name "the Hammer."