Jennifer Greene (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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dear_mun2012-11-30 07:41 pm
deathbeforedishonour) wrote in dear_mun2012-11-30 07:41 pm
Thoughts for tomorrow
Do you remember that little chat we had, about a month ago? I told you that I was trying to be good, that I was trying as hard as I know how, and that I expect you to strive as well as I, because when you fall, I fall?
Remember that. Remember that tomorrow, do you promise? Do you swear? Tomorrow night, my honour is in your hands and no others. Be true. Be strong. And be… be what I can only pray that I will someday have the moral fiber to be. Be merciful.
Do not play the me that has taken up residence in Bete Noire. I know it is tempting, and the dissonance between us must be something awful and I haven’t the foggiest idea how you juggle us both. For I have learned so much in Portland, these last few months, these months that she has not experienced yet. The lost of good men, like Harper and the Bishop…. Dead or damned because of what they believe in. The death of monsters with pleasant smiles, Riker and Raymond…
The Good Doctor Riker deserved to die. The me at Bete Noire, would she even hesitate to draw her sword, in the face of such evil? The me of Portland mourns that the Doctor wasn’t who she pretended to be, that someone could fall so far. I hadn’t the heart to kill her.
Don’t you see? If I could not kill her, who hurt so many, how could I ever draw steel to kill hunters who only seek to remove a threat to the human species? Are we not the monsters that lurk in the night? Do we not deserve to die, for our sins and for the preservation of other lives? Please, I beg of you, and you know full well how difficult it is for me to bend my pride, show them, show all of them, that we do not have to be monsters. That we have Honour.
And maybe that means that I will lose respect in the eyes of the Prince and the Court, maybe it means that no one in the city will take me serious as a swordswoman, maybe it means I will never be useful, maybe it means that tomorrow night I will meet my final end. None of us know what tomorrow will bring. So let it be all of those things and more, if only I can die knowing that I clung to my humanity.
Remember that. Remember that tomorrow, do you promise? Do you swear? Tomorrow night, my honour is in your hands and no others. Be true. Be strong. And be… be what I can only pray that I will someday have the moral fiber to be. Be merciful.
Do not play the me that has taken up residence in Bete Noire. I know it is tempting, and the dissonance between us must be something awful and I haven’t the foggiest idea how you juggle us both. For I have learned so much in Portland, these last few months, these months that she has not experienced yet. The lost of good men, like Harper and the Bishop…. Dead or damned because of what they believe in. The death of monsters with pleasant smiles, Riker and Raymond…
The Good Doctor Riker deserved to die. The me at Bete Noire, would she even hesitate to draw her sword, in the face of such evil? The me of Portland mourns that the Doctor wasn’t who she pretended to be, that someone could fall so far. I hadn’t the heart to kill her.
Don’t you see? If I could not kill her, who hurt so many, how could I ever draw steel to kill hunters who only seek to remove a threat to the human species? Are we not the monsters that lurk in the night? Do we not deserve to die, for our sins and for the preservation of other lives? Please, I beg of you, and you know full well how difficult it is for me to bend my pride, show them, show all of them, that we do not have to be monsters. That we have Honour.
And maybe that means that I will lose respect in the eyes of the Prince and the Court, maybe it means that no one in the city will take me serious as a swordswoman, maybe it means I will never be useful, maybe it means that tomorrow night I will meet my final end. None of us know what tomorrow will bring. So let it be all of those things and more, if only I can die knowing that I clung to my humanity.