Twinkies!?

[twinkie_gauge]

This is a goddang joke, right?

Look, moon or munn or whatever they call your ass around here, y'little brat, I know I been quiet awhile but this is GD important.

Don't you even give me that look.

You best getcher ass out there and buy that box o' Twinkies tonight or I gotta tell ya, things ain't gonna be pretty.

[His bottom lip pushes up a little, partially hooking over his teeth. Makes his chin look a little longer. He's not gonna cry. Goddang it.]

Just. Grab a dang box before there ain't anymore, a'right?

Stupid goddang economy.




{mun note: I apologize for the slowness of replies! RL catastrophes going down. Please see this post on my main RP journal for details. I'll get to you guys as soon as I can!}

Comments

[lookingforhead]

I've never had a Twinkie before. Are they that good?"

[twinkie_gauge]

Are they that--?

[Tal's looking at Celty... well. He's looking at her like she has no head. (And he can tell.)

He's not intending to be threatening, probably, but he is holding a pickaxe as he hefts it in her direction and shakes it vaguely like a teacher with a ruler.]

Now you listen here, little lady. A Twinkie is about the best goddamn thing any person ever put here on this green earth.

[Are they that good. Goddang.]

[gotmyending]

No Twinkies? How can there not be Twinkies? They're Twinkies! They're forever!

[thelionqueen]

What's a Twinkie?

[lookingforhead]

[Celty waves her hands defensively. She didn't mean to offend him, and she certainly doesn't want to get hit by that pickaxe.]

I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I just don't really know much about food or how it tastes or anything.

[That's right, unless she gets her head back, Celty may never know what eating a Twinkie is like.]

[twinkie_gauge]

That is exactly what I said. It's bad enough worryin' about whether the shelves are still stocked somewhere in the dang country when the zombies start runnin' around. Now I have to worry about whether there'll even be a Twinkie shelf once things go south. Shit.

[twinkie_gauge]

. . .

[THAT IS A GODDANG LION.]

What the f--?

[Tallahassee fuckin' zombie-stumbles backward a second, hefting his gun and aiming it, but not cocking it yet.

...That is a talking lion.

. . .

He squints at it for a second, gun still up.]

...Yeah, I don't suppose you get a lot of snack cakes out where you come from, huh?

[This is surreal.]

[thelionqueen]

[Noooo idea what the gun is. Since there are apparently no humans where she comes from. She just sits back, hopefully to be less scary since he seems kind of startled.]

Nothing like that. It's a snack?

[Granted, the word 'snack' conjures the image of small furry things to her.]

[twinkie_gauge]

[Okay, now Tal is looking even more confused if that was even possible, but less upset at least.]

What do you mean you don't know what food tastes like?

[And why is she talking with text m -

...He cocks his head to one side, brows squinting down.]

Shit, honey, you don't gotta eat with a feeding tube or an IV or something, do you?

[Because he has enough morals to feel like an ass about that.]

[gotmyending]

You know what? I bet somewhere, there's some crazy end-of-the-world conspiracy theorist who has a basement load of these things. Because I'm damn sure Twinkies could survive nuclear holocaust.

What I'm saying is, we need to find this kinda guy, beat 'em up and take his Twinkies.

[twinkie_gauge]

It's a. Uh.

[How do you explain "snack cake" to a lion?

Tal lowers his gun finally, since she doesn't seem keen on eating him, and lifts his other hand to rub at his chin, stretching his jaw down a little as he thinks.]

It's this little oblong spongy thing. It's this yellow mostly-solid squishy stuff on the outside and this... [he pauses long enough to grin, face reflecting absolute delight,] delectable... gooey white filling.

[...Did any of that make a goddamn lick of sense to a cat?]

[lookingforhead]

[Celty shakes her "head"]

No, I just don't eat.

[She pulls her helmet off, revealing her lack of a head. Her shoulders wilt a bit, showing off her embarrassment.]

[twinkie_gauge]

[...Oh, Billy gets the biggest goddamn grin Tal's made in a long time.]

You know what? I like the way you think.

Got some ideas on how to find this guy?

[thelionqueen]

[Just give her a moment to parse that...

Processing, processing...

Ding!]

Oh, it's a grub?

[twinkie_gauge]

. . .

[Oh damn.

Tal goes a little pale.]

That sure is a. Huh.

[A beat, and he lifts the pickaxe again.]

You ain't some kinda super-zombie, are ya? Walkin' around without a head.

[How does he kill one of those?]

[lookingforhead]

[Celty backs away with hands raised again. Her typing gets a bit faster and more panicky now.]

What?

No

NO!

I'm not a zombie!

I'm a Dullahan, but someone stole my head.

[twinkie_gauge]

[...Tal makes a face. Goddammit.]

It sure as hell tastes a lot better than a grub.

[Haaaahhhhhhghh. How the hell does he... He rubs the back of his neck for a second, thinking of how to try again.]

Closer to a banana, I guess. Tastes better than one of those, too, though.

[Twinkies taste better than everything.]

[gotmyending]

Well, where do guys like that usually hide? Bunkers out in Utah, shacks in Montana. Guys like the Unibomber sitting on a pile of indestructible snack cakes.

[twinkie_gauge]

[Celty gets a blank stare. Sorry, redneck. He's not stupid, but he's not the most well-versed in foreign words, either.]

A dull-a-what-now?

[The pickaxe is still up, but he doesn't advance, at least.]

[twinkie_gauge]

Right. So we go to bumblefuck nowhere and stalk the grocery stores until we find a guy buying a cart full of canned soup and toilet paper. Shouldn't be too hard with as few stores and people as there are out there.

[lookingforhead]

[If Tallahassee looks down, he'd see Celty's shadow is quivering a bit. She honestly doesn't want to hurt the man, but she's ready if he makes a move.]

Um...Headless Horseman?

[She tries to change the subject a bit.]

Are there zombies where you come from?

[twinkie_gauge]

[He turns his head but keeps his eyes on her, clearly questioning.]

Don't headless horsemen steal other people's heads?

[He likes his head where it is, thanks! And at the zombie comment? Snort.]

You could say that.

[lookingforhead]

Well...I'm told we're more like grim reapers, but my head was stolen twenty years ago and I can't remember anything before that.

Mostly I've just been living in Japan and working as a courier.

[Celty takes a moment to think about the movies she's seen and then visibly shudders.]

Zombies are scary. Are they walkers or runners?

[twinkie_gauge]

[...Dang. That's actually kinda sad.

Tal makes a face, and lowers the pickaxe, letting it drop down to one side.]

Runners, [he answers, allowing the change of subject now.] Fast goddamn sum'bitches, too.

[keepsthemsafe]

What.

No. No fuckin' way. It's gotta be a lie. That's how this shit starts and then it's after fuckin' everything else!