[...and that killed him. feeling his father's (rather extremely large) hand on his back, he looked up sharply.
seeing and talking...he could handle it. at least he was still distant. a sense of separation that still allowed him to have some control. but upon that closer physical contact, things that he had tried to keep down bubbled up. no he wasn't going to cry, but there was a moment when his throat dried and tightened. realizing this and realizing how he must have looked, he averted his gaze and cleared his throat.]
Sorry. I'm fine. I'm...fine.
[even if his expression said otherwise. but perhaps...now it was time to tell him the truth.]
Father...as much as I would like you to be where I am...
[and once again his throat tightened for a second. it was hard to say. hard to say it to the one standing next to him. to the one no longer there for him.]
no subject
seeing and talking...he could handle it. at least he was still distant. a sense of separation that still allowed him to have some control. but upon that closer physical contact, things that he had tried to keep down bubbled up. no he wasn't going to cry, but there was a moment when his throat dried and tightened. realizing this and realizing how he must have looked, he averted his gaze and cleared his throat.]
Sorry. I'm fine. I'm...fine.
[even if his expression said otherwise. but perhaps...now it was time to tell him the truth.]
Father...as much as I would like you to be where I am...
[and once again his throat tightened for a second. it was hard to say. hard to say it to the one standing next to him. to the one no longer there for him.]
...I'm afraid that's impossible.