Homeless (sort of), maybe towerofanimus

[houndmaster]

So here we are again, mun. Bringing a magus of my upbringing to a place of commoners is pretty lame. How can you possibly think I'd enjoy being here in the slightest? Well, I better not complain too loudly or else you'll shove me in a kennel like the rest of your inactive pups.

Ne mun, while you're here, can we talk about that curse? Because I really don't think carrying around an additional burden in an alternate realm will do me any good. [ Even if it results in cool zombie-related shenanigans. ] There's more to me than just an ailment, don't you think?

Comments

[wouldulikesomemakingfuck]

[Let's see how long it takes Lancer before he just NOPES out of this conversation.]

Eh? Reasoning with your mun? Don't you know that will never work?

[houndmaster]

It works. [ For her at least. She's pretty damn persuasive. ] Must be our personality types. The meek ones are easy to dominate and...

[ Wait. Hold on. ]

Hey mutt. What the hell is up with you?

[wouldulikesomemakingfuck]

Ha. You sure luck doesn't have anything to do with it?

[Wait what did she just call him?]

I'm not a mutt, just for future reference.

[houndmaster]

[ Only noobs base their encounters on luck. ]

Demigod is just another word for mutt, isn't it? Now you know it's unwise to ignore my question so answer it before I have to repeat myself.

[wouldulikesomemakingfuck]

[Just like how only scrubs use Windows?]

I really have no idea what you're talking about. I've never even met you before.

[houndmaster]

[ Sort of like when people use 'u' instead of 'you'. ]

Your sense of humor is on par for your reputation. Allow me to reword my question in a manner that can't be confused: what goth and gay strip bar did you go to?

[puppy_lancer]

No. Your mun is not shoving you in that hellhole. She's already got a Dark Rin.

[houndmaster]

Dark who? [ Give her a moment to figure out who this 'Rin' is. ] Well, the original is always superior in comparison. She'll drop her for me.

[prototypic]

[Ohhhh shit.]

...

[houndmaster]

Yo! [ As casual as can be. ]

Don't tell me you're stunned in awe at my appearance.

[prototypic]

... [All the unsure face. You sent Lancer to kill her. But you're also cursed to die, so there's pity there, too.]

Misaya-san...

[houndmaster]

[ Hate the game, not the player. Those are the rules of the Holy Grail War after all. ]

You're here alone, aren't you? [ Tsk, tsk. ] Bet you're scared.

Real scared.

[prototypic]

[Those are terrible rules!]

...not as much as I used to be.

[puppy_lancer]

My answer is still "Fuck no". It's not a matter of who's better. It's a matter of whether or not you're going to be stuck in a place that endlessly tortures you. I don't want to see you go through that. And if you go into a game, there's a chance you'll have that. I'm not going to stand by and watch you suffer from that again, especially not when the setting itself is trying to kill you.

[houndmaster]

[ ]

Since when do you have any guts? [ Not that she's complaining. ] This might be more fun than I thought.

[houndmaster]

Didn't I tell you before that affection is a weakness? [ Grunting. ] You're starting to piss me off.

[puppy_lancer]

And you're the one who said you'd rather die than make a disgraceful display. It's going to be anything but elegant in there.

[houndmaster]

I have ways of keeping elegance around myself.

Just admit it: you don't want me there because I'll take away your favorite toy again.

[puppy_lancer]

[Lancer's palm slams against his forehead.]

That has nothing to do with it! I'm just trying ensure your safety here! You know, like what I was summoned to do?

[wouldulikesomemakingfuck]

[ u mad? ]

I'll answer your question only if you tell me what street walker picked out your wardrobe.

[houndmaster]

[ NOU. ]

Hoh, I almost want to question how you know of that term, but I suppose with looks like that, you'd have to resort to paying for it. Funny how times have changed for a heroic presence.

[houndmaster]

How exactly do you intend to do that if you're apart from me? [ Seriously, think it through some time, Lancer. ] Come now, there has to be something in that thick skull of yours.

[puppy_lancer]

Fine!

[At this point, he's pretty much given up on arguing.]

Then if you do end up there, don't go out of my sight!

[houndmaster]

[ Quitter. ] You're not my caretaker. So if I want to disappear when you're not looking, then you'll just have to put that nose to good use.

[puppy_lancer]

I'm your Servant. I'm supposed to protect you. The only way I can make sure you're not running afoul of some beast is to follow you around. And the tower doesn't allow spirit forms.

[wouldulikesomemakingfuck]

Bullshit. I could get any woman I wanted if I put my mind to it.

[houndmaster]

That's the problem. Putting your mind to it.

[houndmaster]

Ah, so even while I'm away from you, that's the sort of leash I hold on you? It's nice to know if I tug on your collar just a bit that you'll follow me wherever.

[ She would be so lost without him. ] Think I can't fight for myself, do you?

[puppy_lancer]

Hey! I'm not a dog!

[At any other time, this would be the point where he called her a crazy bitch or some variation thereof, but since he still remembers her death all too, he's still handling her like she's made of glass.]

Of course not. You always were a violent bitch

[Or maybe not.]

[houndmaster]

[ As to be expected really. ] Then you shouldn't worry.

Now go wash your mouth out with a bar of soap so that I don't have to dirty my own hands doing it myself.

[puppy_lancer]

Oh come on! I've always talked like this and you never had a problem! I mean, fuck, you'd get angrier when I was comparing you to a snack food!

[Okay, so calling her stinky and gross had probably been a bit rude, but still...]

[houndmaster]

Yes, but we're out in public now. I rather my Servant speak with the respect he should be showing his Master.

[ Implying her feelings are actually hurt... ] Now go fetch the soap, boy.

[puppy_lancer]

Alright! Fine!

[He grumbles some things about stupid Masters as he skulks away to find soap.]