(no subject)

[theburd]

[The cockatoo is displeased. As displeased as a bird can look, anyway.

Its head cocks, one beady black eye a seemingly bottomless well of malevolence and mischief.

One sharp talon scratches at the wall, scrawling a series of symbols into the once pristine paint.]

Я проделал длинный путь, чтобы найти своего друга. Отпусти меня. Мне нужно, чтобы найти его. Он никогда не был сам по себе раньше.

[For those fortunate enough to speak Russian, it reads: I have come a long way to find my friend. Let me go. I need to find him. He's never been on his own before.

And for those that don't speak Russian, well. The bird isn't speaking to them.

Only to its captor.]

Comments

[therealgenius]

[Slapping birds is probably wrong. He shouldn't slap the bird.

Count to ten.]

Heeey, look what the cat dragged in. Oh, I'm sorry, birds don't like cats, right? Do you like cats, buddy?

[theburd]

[This flat bird stare you're getting right now, Justin? It promises pecked out eyes.

Count to ten.]

[therealgenius]

Yeaaah, you're...an expensive little guy. Imported. How can you import a tropical bird from a landlocked shithole like Russia? I don't know. But I did. You should be grateful to me, birdbrain. You could have ended up dying in a pet store that fed you nothing but shoelaces and potato peelings, which...you just would have starved to death. That's not fair, is it?

[theburd]

[Something about you reminds the bird of its friend.

This loud, greasy human is clearly not its friend. But it is similar. Enough that it bothers to scratch out another couple symbols on the wall.]

Знаете ли вы, мой друг

(Do you know my friend?)

[theburd]

[The bird watches, listening to the stream of gibberish that the squirrely little human is speaking.

Its wings rustle, and after a moment, it takes flight, circling the room to find a new perch.

And oops, is that cockatoo poo on your expensive jacket, Justin? Yes it is.

Life's so unfair.]

[therealgenius]

[WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO LIVEJOURNAL WHERE PEOPLE TOLERATE YOUR KIND OF SHIT

...oh goddamn. Goddamn. Yes, that is totally a monogrammed handkerchief he got just for you you little cloaca/asshole to wipe, wipe, grossss]

Mad that Ivan left you?

[theburd]

[BUT YOU'RE HERE, JUSTIN. YOU'RE ITS SPECIAL FRIEND.

And because you're so special, it's going to write you a message too.]

Вы недовольны тем, что вы попали в тюрьму

(Are you angry that you went to prison?)

[theburd]

[Cockatoos don't know human units of measurement. Not really.

A blink. A shuffle from one foot to the other.

And one toe begins to write...]

Это было давно.

(It's been a long time.)

[therealgenius]

[HOW DOES A BIRD KNOW RUSSIAN

AND NOT JUSTIN

BUT
WHY
THO]

That's neat, that trick. You know. Don't they clip bird talons? I should clip your talons. Or, you know, just...hobble you entirely. It'll be our secret, okay? You won't tell anyone, right?

[theburd]

[You know what's really annoying? This.

Which is exactly what it's doing right now.

As loudly as possible.]

[widows]

[ just this face. when did she become the fucking bird whisperer? ]

[rhodeing]

[Rhodey's seen a lot of weird things, but a cockatoo writing in Russian on the wall, well, that's pretty high up on the list of shit he's never seen.]

You're a bird. How do you even understand grammar?

Privyet?

[theassassin]

[Natasha's head tilts at the bird and the writing on the wall. Her eyes narrow and she watches it for a long long moment silently. When she speaks it's in crisp Russian.]

Kto tvoy drug? (Who's your friend?)

[She thinks she knows, but... let's see what the bird has to say.]

[therealgenius]

[Wow it's like he designs weapons or something because SUDDENLY EARPLUGS from a jacket pocket and SUDDENLY PLUGGED EARS

He still wants to kill you though, but go on. Scream for him, you little demon of a songbird; your neck is going to be wrung either way.]

[theburd]

[It eyes her for a moment, then cautiously scrawls out...]

привет

(Hello?)

[theburd]

[Do you understand the bird, Rhodey? Do you? It is confused and annoyed by this place.]

Я очень умная птица. Можете ли вы понять мои слова?

(I am a very smart bird. Can you understand my words?)

[theburd]

[Finally, someone who can understand!

The bird's talon scratches the symbols, lightning fast.]

Иван Ванко

(Ivan Vanko)

[fistmele]

[ Uh.

When in doubt: stare at it? (Because two birds can play that game, ha ha ha?) ]

[theburd]

[It sees those earplugs and falls silent immediately. A moment's pause, and it starts scratching again.]

Вы будете медленно умирать. Один в темноте.

(You will die slowly. Alone in the dark.)

[theburd]

[Well played, sir.

The cockatoo stares back, one master of this game to another.]

1/2

[therealgenius]

[that's true]

[widows]

привет.

[ okay so she's dealing with a super intelligent... cockatoo. vanko had a thing for them but still he wasn't so much into the bioengineering and she doesn't see any tech on the furry little fuck. so what. the hell. ]

Кто научил тебя так? (Who taught you that?)

[therealgenius]

How the fuck did he teach you Russian, hold on.

[BRB - AWESOME PHONE TECH OF THE FUTURE AND

...OHGODWHY]

You're gonna die quickly.

[theburd]

[Have you ever seen a cockatoo look sad before, Tony Stark?

The drooping wings? The lowered head? The mournful little caw-like sound slipping out from between the sharp edges of its beak?

This is a sad cockatoo, Mister Stark. A sad, heartbroken cockatoo.

How could you kill its only friend in all the world?]

[fistmele]

[ . . .

This is really weird, but not the weirdest thing he's ever seen. So. But the only Russian Clint knows is— not going to help him here, so moot point. ]

What are you, some kinda superbird? [ Squinting at the wall. This is all kinds of strange. ]