HOMELESS FOREVER; canon is 'Friends and Lovers'

[capischeja]

Vhat is zhis zhing you call 'headspace' and vhy have you invited me into it, mein fraulein? Perhaps you have some need of my amazing... incredibly amazing meditation skeelz? Nein? Ja? You may not but zhis company you keep, tsk tsk tsk. Zhey just need all zhe healing! I do not zhink I am man enough to last zhat long!

Ah! But vhere my services are needed, I must go! Vhat kind of spiritual master of pene--meditation vhould I be should I turn down zhose in need? Hm? Ehehehe. Of course, you need not answer for I know! Ja, ja, I know zhis answer very much!I vould be a very bad one! Do not argue vhis my logic, frauelin, for you know it to be true!

Now I must avay! For zhere is many to do and I must be attentive to zhem all! Mein darlingks! Your Bavarian Rhapsody is soon to be cooooming~!

Comments

YOU ARE SUCH A TERRIBLE PERSON DO YOU KNOW THAT

[vanshrike]

[...no. No, there really just aren't any words.]

I TRIED WARNING YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN

[capischeja]

[No words are needed because guess who is in your space now?]

Vhy hellooo~ zhere, mein herr. I have not seen you around but I've heard such good zhings. Ja, very good zhings!

DON'T YOU DARE PIN THIS ON ME

[vanshrike]

[You're going to have to try harder than that; in his personal space or no Perry does not back down to the likes of you.]

Have you really.

[scarlet_discord]

What the actual fuck did you just say?

OH BUT I DARE CUZ ACCENT-KINK

[capischeja]

[That is good! Cuz he's practically a slinky cat right now. Can he touch your chest--nope, too late, he's already doing it.]

From your roomate, yush! Ach, a stressful job you two must have, no time to relax!

[capischeja]

[Why hello there.]

I said many zhings, of zhings zhere are many, mein fraulein! But now I have forgotten zhem all for I am in awe of your beauty! [Kneeling, kissing her hand.] Ah, mein goddess, please! Let me know zhy name so zhat I might vorship you!

...that's not fair

[vanshrike]

[It's cool, he can roll with that. Like he's never been felt up by fucking weird drunk-as-shit twinks before in L.A., it's pretty much the same thing.]

My "roommate" and I are going to have a very short discussion about the people he talks at about our job.

Well no cuz I have the same kink. But, still! My excuse!

[capischeja]

[Silly, silly man. It is not at all similar. He is different!]

Ah, but it vas all very therapeutic, you see! I helped him clear out his bad vibes, and cleanse his cluttered chakras! All... of... zhem.

[Okay no he's not cuz his hand is RIGHT THERE.]

Especially here! He vas most tense, mein herr, most tense indeed!

[vanshrike]

[Okay now he has a problem. No, not about you copping a feel, you imbecile, who the fuck cares about-- well, no, he does care about that, but it's not the important thing right now. Hello and welcome to Perry's fists grabbing the front of your jacket and hauling some space between you.]

And now you have about ten seconds to convince me not to cleanse your cluttered chakras. Also very therapeutic, though probably only for me.

[capischeja]

[No more copping a feel then, and hands go up in total surrender at his sides. Jazz hands, everyone! And now he'll wear a total look of puppy-eyed innocence. It might even be familiar!]

You vould be surprised vhat I might enjoy, herr van Shrike.

[Okay, not so innocent after all. Enjoy the sight of him so coyly licking at his lips.]

But I am only a teacher of zhe spiritual energies and you, mein freund, are a bundle of negativity! So much zhat I vorry for you!

[vanshrike]

[Have some suspiciously narrowed eyes, while Perry's grip maybe goes a little slack. The puppy-eyed look is... disconcerting.]

[capischeja]

[His acting skills, he shows you them! Very easy to pick up aka steal body language from Harry when they both look so incredibly alike.]

Penny for your zhoughts? Please to not be angry vizh me, mein herr?

[vanshrike]

[No, fuck you, he's not falling into that trap. He pushes you away, lets go; no more contact.]

Where the hell are you supposed to be from, exactly?

[capischeja]

[Oh, well fine. He'll keep his distance for now. Hands up, playing the kitten again.]

Oh here and zhere and everyvhere, really. [Foppish little wave. This topic is so not important, pay no attention to it.] Originally from a quaint place, Bavaria, you know of it?

[vanshrike]

[...not sure if truth?]

Sure, yeah.

[capischeja]

[Do not doubt the porcupine-hair!]

Ah, truly? [Delighted cuteness!] Es tut mir leid, aber es macht nichts. Wie geht es Ihnen?

BUT I WISH SO BADLY THAT YOU DID, PERRY.

[vanshrike]

[Oh, now you're just not being fair. Seriously. Who in their right mind can resist an adorable German fop once he breaks out the Muttersprache?]

...er. I don't speak any German.

[capischeja]

Ah, zhat is too bad, herr van Shrike! I shall stick to zhe... ah, "native tongue" for your pleasure.

[Double entendre time is go!]

[vanshrike]

[Perry sees what you did there. Also: I just want you to know--]

...

[--that ellipses is italicized.]

[capischeja]

[He'll just sliiiiide right back on into your personal space now. Fluttery hand on shoulder just like it never left.]

So you have need of my many, many services, herr van Shrike?

[vanshrike]

I really don't, no.

[capischeja]

Zhat is not vhat I hear...

[Another tittering giggle then a hip swish and suddenly a very soft voice whispering in Perry's ear.]

Wie soll ich mich davon überzeugen, daß sie, mein gott des Geschlechts?

[vanshrike]

[NO STOP IT YOU SEXY FUCKWIT THAT'S CHEATING]

...neither have I miraculously learned German in the last four minutes.

[capischeja]

[IT'S WHAT HE DOES BEST. Also, he's not moving. In fact he quite likes his spot and is that a tongue on your earlobe? Why yes. Have a pouty moan to go with it.]

Mmm. Vords are so boooring, mein herr. But I would be such a naughty boy if I offered not a translation! At your command I shall tell it to you...

I AM PUTTING A STOP TO THIS RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW

[vanshrike]

 

NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING

[vanshrike]

 

[capischeja]

[What you're doing is shoving him against the nearest wall and kissing those cocksucking lips and maybe tasting Harry or maybe not, who knows. Not that it matters because flexible little actor is flexible and suddenly you've got legs wrapped securely around your waist. Bunny-hopped while kissing, don't even ask how, not that you could anyway, because those talented fingers that smell of Indian Moon and hot sex are working some serious fucking magic right now and thought is not important anymore.]

[scarlet_discord]

[Oh....kay...she pauses to wish she hadn't worn such a boobtastic dress, then realizes--fuck it, all her outfits are boobtastic and the world can just deal with it.]

The name is Wanda. Worship is not required, but if you feel like polishing my boots go right ahead.

[capischeja]

[Hans will never complain about sexy things. Oh, speaking of...]

Alles, um sie, meine Göttin...

[Knee-shuffle back two steps, goes to all fours, and begins cleaning her boots. With his tongue. Because the Goddess desired it so, therefore it is.]

[acid_rayne]

You're not related to this guy, by any chance, are you?

[capischeja]

Zhat depends. Vould you like me to be?

[scarlet_discord]

[WUT]

Dude--wait--it's OK. It's cool. Really interesting and definitely food for thought, but cool.

[And now she's thinking. She has hit Monaco with Warren and has some good money for long term projects, but she hasn't hit gambling houses in the States yet.]

Hmmm.

Okay. What's your name, and do you like to gamble?

/jack

[scarlet_discord]

Raaaaayyyyne!

[Have one of the few fangirls daring enough to hug, red.]