Canon is John Dies at the End. Maybe going to Adstring

[camelholocaust]

Listen. No, listen. Before I go anywhere, we need to make one thing clear.

[Holding one finger up with the air of Very Much Importance. The shirt that says LIFE IS SHORT AND SO IS YOUR PENIS kind of detracts from that look.]

I reserve the right to be completely and totally wasted one hundred and fifty percent of the time. Unless there's something good going on. In which case, I reserve the right to be very, very buzzed.

I did not go into Shit Narnia, squirt guns literally blazing, to be spun around and plopped back into another special brand of Hell without alcohol. However cool that Hell might be.

[Pause.]

Hell isn't cool without alcohol anyway.

Comments

[falkeditupagain]

Dude, are you on drugs?

You look like you're on drugs.

[camelholocaust]

[Pause. He kind of squints his eyes a little.]

That wasn't the point I was trying to make at all.

[falkeditupagain]

That and I really don't think there is that much alcohol here. Unless you want to make your own moonshine but that shit is so not good.

Unless you really are dead drunk the entire time, then I guess you really wouldn't care what it tastes like.

[doa_on_a_dog]

I am pretty sure that unless we're going into Nordic myth we can safely assume that hell isn't cold.

[lobster_tranny]

Hell isn't cool? Why, it all depends how you look at it, silly boy~

so... so beautiful :c your app rocks btw

[scientistdukebastard]

"Shit Narnia." I'm seeing images. I don't know if I like them or not.

[camelholocaust]

Hey, I know how to engineer at thing or two.

[WHY DO YOU THINK HE WAS SENT TO PRISON, HUH?]

[camelholocaust]

...what?

[camelholocaust]

Holy shit, where's my boombox?

[That giant red lobster... fluffy... devil... thing. Yeah, no. That was so many levels of not cool.

Prepare to be massacred with The Best of Journey, bitch.]

ahhh it's incompleeete! /pulls skirt over it

[camelholocaust]

Those images? Multiply them by, like, a thousand.

[SRS FACE.]

And then add kittens.

[falkeditupagain]

I bet you do.

So, what do you do anyways? Got a story or something, dude? [Hanna, no. Don't even get him started.]

[camelholocaust]

[He sort of squints at Hanna for a long moment.

Before cracking his knuckles and leaning back.]

I'm the most famous porn star in the world. People line up for miles to see me work my dick magic.

[falkeditupagain]

Sure.

[Leaning back himself, looking skeptical.]

Show me then.

[camelholocaust]

[Oh my god Hanna did you really just.

This is dear_mun Hanna you can't just.

Damnit, Hanna.

John is definitely going to unbuckle his belt and [CENSORED] [CENSORED] [CENSORED]

Several minutes later, he's zipping his pants back up.]

-and so you can't really feel bad. I mean, if I were you, I'd be mad jealous of my enormous pocket monster I've got going on here, but the problem is, you really just can't fight with nature, you know? And nature has just graced me with a penis that could probably eat yours. Sorry, dude, it's just how life is.

I am laughing so hard I am in tears.

[falkeditupagain]

[Holy shit.

This guy. Actually took his pants off and...

God damnit, Hanna doesn't want to get in a dick measuring contest. Literally. And then the shock is wearing off and Hanna looks determined to defend his honor.]

What? No way. Your dick totally wouldn't eat mine! My dick eats dicks like yours for breakfast.

it happens!

[camelholocaust]

[He raises an eyebrow and, just for that, leaves his pants unbuckled.]

Is that a challenge, son?

[In one of those graciously overdone Clint Eastwood accents.]

This is hideous. Just. What am I doing with my life?

[falkeditupagain]

[Oh god. He isn't doing this. He isn't doing this. But he really is.]

It isn't a challenge when there isn't a contest to begin with.

[doa_on_a_dog]

Nilfhel, but Dante also [There is a pause. A long pause.]

Forget it, dudebro. If you aren't actually a stoner you play a very convincing one on television.

[lobster_tranny]

[Sweet satan what is this horror. Only the dead know solace from this evil.]

Ugh, no them! What a dreadful music!