(no subject)

[pretty_darn_gay]

I object, personally and profoundly, to you referring to vodka as your girlfriend.

Vodka is clearly a man, a tall, beautiful, glasses-wearing man, possibly played by Chris Evans in the film production of ALCOHOL: THE MAJOR MOTION PICTURE.

He wears tight pants.

You should go see the Avengers again, on that note. So we can watch the scene where he's boxing again. That whole shot from the back? That's nice. That whole back side area, that's nice.

Comments

[originalandbest]

Ugh, Wallace, you're so foul. You just want to stare at some guy's ass. Maybe you should try not thinking with your dick for once.

Anyway, I'm coming if you're gonna go see it again.

[pretty_darn_gay]

You want to stare at his ass too, don't you?

He's mine, I have laid claim.

You can have Sherlock Holmes.

[originalandbest]

Fine. He's way hotter, anyway. Also rich and stuff.

Enjoy your poor, ripped imaginary movie boyfriend.

[worldsbestmarksman]

[Stare. From up above dude.]

There's no Chris Evans in Shield.

[See where he went with that?]

[pretty_darn_gay]

[Sigh. Drinks. Martinis. He's annoyed by the above thing if only because that means he has to crane his neck and if he does that too much it gets sore, boo. Boo, he says. It may even be followed with a 'you whore', if he's pressed.] Right, right, right. Captain America, whatever. I might be Canadian but I will be singing God Bless America to tap that in any and every way imaginable. And some that haven't been imagined yet.

[pretty_darn_gay]

I will.






Biblically.

[coollikeanime]

Wait dude, so if vodka is a guy, what kinds of alcohol are girls? For future reference, in case I ever start drinking a lot because I totally don't and would never call alcohol my girlfriend. But like, if I did, I'd want to know I wasn't being gay about it. Not like there's anything wrong with that, obviously! You get me right now, right?

[glitterjesus]

WAIT, THAT'S A MOVIE? HOW DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THAT?

Oh, and I never pictured Vodka with glasses, but if that's a kinky thing, I'll allow it.

[worldsbestmarksman]

[Look at him swing down. JUST LOOK AT IT. Hawkeye likes watching people from up above.]

...The cap? That guy? ...You'd-

[His eyes are so amused] More power to you.

[pretty_darn_gay]

Gin, because it's disgusting. No offense to ladies, of course. Though you can make Flash Gordons with Gin. SHIT. Okay, give me a sec here, guy, I gotta think of what alcohol I don't like so I can designate it as a ~LADY~

[pretty_darn_gay]

Glasses and a thick Russian accent. Because, y'know. Vodka.

[coollikeanime]

That's not fair that I can only get with the gross alcohol! I don't think all the kinds of things I like are gross because they're guys, or the other way around, or -- see, this doesn't even make sense anymore! Thanks Wallace, now I totally sound like an idiot and it's all your fault because before that I was making perfect sense.

[pretty_darn_gay]

[Wallace is all about looking when it involves guys in skintight uniforms. Where can he sign up for SHIELD? Seriously.] You're not too hard on the eyes yourself, soldier. Hi there.

[pretty_darn_gay]

It's okay there, guy, nobody blames you for being a heterosexual. Someday the state will recognize that God made you this way and it isn't fair to discriminate. Maybe, god willing, someday you will even be allowed to marry.

You in the general 'you', not you in particular. You'd make a terrible wife.

[coollikeanime]

Why do you think I'd make a terrible wife? I think I'd be a good wife... If I was one. Which I can't be, since I'm a guy. Still. If I was a girl and I was someone's wife I'd be a pretty awesome wife.

[ratingawesome]

Wait, what happened to Lucas Lee? Other than the being all poofed into nothing and stuff. I thought he was your movie boyfriend or whatever you call them not that I want to know or care or whatever.

Vodka can't be your boyfriend either, otherwise, he...she...whatever...is cheating on you. BUT NOT WITH ME because that would just be dumb. REALLY DUMB.

[pretty_darn_gay]

I suppose your cooking is acceptable. I revise that previous statement: you'd make a decent wife, but only a housewife. I'll marry some famous and hot actor and we can go on benders and shop at Pottery Barn together. It will be fantastic.

[glitterjesus]

Russian I can dig, I mean, that's pretty obvious. I don't get this obsession with Vodka though. Whatever happened to good Greek booze?

[pretty_darn_gay]

Right, exactly, that's who I said.

Vodka's love is like the wind.

so meta it hurts omg

[ratingawesome]

NOT FAIR, JULIE, HE'S MY ROOMMATE.

[coollikeanime]

Hm...that actually does sound like a pretty good marriage, especially the part about Pottery Barn.

I swear to God if you tell anyone I admitted to liking Pottery Barn just now I would do a thing, Wallace. So don't go there.

[ratingawesome]

No, it isn't! I didn't fight a guy named Chris Evans, it would say so on the card on the fridge, and it doesn't so...joke's on you, Wallace!

But I don't get with dudes, so is vodka like a-- uh. I mean, yes, keep your weird russian glass-boyfriend.

[worldsbestmarksman]

[snort. amused snort. This is brilliant.] Thanks?

[originalandbest]

Ew, gross! I really don't need to know about that.

Also you will never bang Chris Evans. Sorry, Wallace. Keep dreaming.

[She's not sorry.]

I literally loled

[originalandbest]

What, you want to come with us too? There's no way I'm going to see a movie with a loser like you, Scott Pilgrim.