Commander Shepard: monster hunter?

[cmdreffingshepard]

It honestly took you that long to realize what a bad idea it was to pull me from that point? If you have to perform some mental acrobatics to get me into a space where I can accept being in Baedal and be willing to make friends, that's your fault, not mine.

Garrus being there helps, I guess. And that Hellsing thing might be good. I appreciate you throwing me a bone; just try not to hit me in the head with it.

Comments

[kaileng]

They should aim for your occipital ridge instead.

[cmdreffingshepard]

[YOOOOUUUU.]

I'm going to aim a bullet at your eye the next chance I get.

[kaileng]

[MEEEEEEE.]

You're welcome to try, Shepard. I doubt you'll hit your mark.

[cmdreffingshepard]

I always hit my mark, Leng. You're gonna find out what happens to people who hurt my friends.

[fightforthelost]

Problems?

/renegade interrupts

[fightforthelost]

Someone sounds a little bitter they got an omni-blade through their ribcage.

[cmdreffingshepard]

Aside from being kidnapped from my universe by a city, things could be worse, I guess.

[fightforthelost]

Is that all?

Try having your universe collapse because an asari attempted to join with a Reaper.

[cmdreffingshepard]

That's one way to do overkill.

At least you know what happened. I got dragged away right after Thessia. Thessia!

[fightforthelost]

Ouch.

Okay, top this. I flew a Mako through space to get where I am.

[cmdreffingshepard]

You got to take the Mako with you? Lucky bastard.

The place where I'm at is so low-tech most of it should be in a museum.

[fightforthelost]

More like I woke up bleeding to death and drifting in space in it, but beggars can't be choosers, right?

[cmdreffingshepard]

Ouch.

I wasn't in immediate danger, at least. Just...locked in a cell.

Is anyone we know there with you?

[fightforthelost]

Liara, Garrus, Tali, Mordin, Miranda, Grunt, Legion, and Wrex.

Then there's Jane -- another one of us.

I should probably mention the Illusive Man too.

[cmdreffingshepard]

Damn. [She wants some of that castmate mojo, dude.]

Hopefully you'll at least get the chance to punch the Illusive Man in the throat?

[fightforthelost]

[I forgot Joker. Fuck me lmao.]

Maybe.

[HAVE A CRYPTIC ANSWER. He's renegade Sheploo, and he already made the dude shoot himself. He used to agree with some of the things Illusive Douche said before he was indoctrinated, but that was then. If things get out of hand, yeah, he'll but a bullet in the guy's head.]

[cmdrsherpderp]

Commander? Commander Shepard? It's me! Conrad Verner!

[cmdreffingshepard]

Fair enough. [Oh, renegade Sheps. So... Renegadey.]

[cmdreffingshepard]

[FUUUUUU...]

Hey, Conrad. How's your mun treating you?

whoops accidentally the whole comment

[cmdrsherpderp]

My mun's giving me a chance to help make a difference! I know you're working so hard to fight the Reapers, and you need all the help you can get. So my mun said that I'd get to see a lot of action!

[ His mun is lying. ]

Haha <333

[cmdreffingshepard]

That's great to hear. [And also probably a lie.] Everyone should be doing whatever they can to help out. You know, play to their strengths. [Like, stay out of everyone's way, Conrad, please.]

[cmdrsherpderp]

I know exactly what you mean, Commander, and I'm on it. That's why I had this great idea for how I could help you when you're fighting Cerberus or maybe one of those criminal gangs!

[cmdreffingshepard]

That's great. I'm sure it'll be really helpful. [She is so going to regret this.] What sort of plan is it?

Haaa and replied to the wrong comment, too. How odd that I keep messing up with a Conrad journal...

[cmdrsherpderp]

I can pretend to be one of your squad and go negotiate with the enemy... then you and your team can sneak up on them from behind, and bam! The enemy is flanked, and you can do what you do best. I even bought an Omni-tool just like yours! I had to spend everything I got from the divorce on it, but it was so worth it!

Derp: it's his superpower.

[cmdreffingshepard]

Ah. [Sob.] You know, I'm not sure diplomacy is really your thing. I bet you'd have a lot to contribute to the homefront, though. We need to keep the supply chains open, you know? An army that's starving can't exactly fight the Reapers very well.

Darn right it is.

[cmdrsherpderp]

[ There is one small nugget in there that he pulls out. Conrad do good? Conrad can help? ]

You really think I can contribute? I-I mean, of course! You're absolutely right. [ Commander Shepard could tell him to kiss a krogan, and he'd still think she was right. ] That's why you're the one in charge, Commander.

[kaileng]

[He gives Shepard a snide smirk.]

Just like on Thessia?

[tablepuncher]

Mm. You get used to it.

[cmdreffingshepard]

[She hates you so much right now. >:(]

That wasn't a fight. That was cowardice.

[cmdreffingshepard]

Good. I'm... glad you'll keep fighting the good fight. Back home. [Yep. Somewhere safe.]

[cmdreffingshepard]

What, being hit in the head? Or having a mun who doesn't think things through before jumping into them?

[kaileng]

[Ohohoho! The feeling is mutual, Shep. He's not a coward he just needs to recharge his shields like you occasionally do!]

It was a mission and you failed. How did it feel to watch everything burn to the ground?

[cmdreffingshepard]

It's a mission I haven't completed yet.

You'll know when I have.