reviving an ancient muse, god help us all

[huggbees]

Hellooooooooooooo, Dreamwidth! How's everyone doing tonight? Or today? Time zones, I can never keep track of 'em. Boy, it is good to be back! Or, well, you know. As "back" as someone from a cancelled television series can be, am I right? Earthworm Jim, you feeling me on this? Can I get a "groovy"? Man, I love that guy. Normally anyone who eats dirt is kind of icky grossy, but he's a real stand up fella. And that suit! God, he's so freaking cool I could just squeal like the cutest piggy you ever did see!

...

What's going on, again?

Oh! Right! Roleplaying! I'm on board with that. So who do you want me to roleplay as? Nicholas Cage? I can scream about bees real good! Wait, no, no, that's gotta be old by now. What's new on the internet? What's fresh? I am a superhero of style, sir - I can't be behind on the times!

Hey! Someone! Do me a favor and sum up everything that's happened in the world since June 1, 1997? In ten words or less, please. Anything longer than that and I'll get sleepy.

Comments

[jarvisconsole]

I do believe the invention of social media happened.

[Mun gets the feeling if a Deadpool tags this post, the internet will overload and die.]

[huggbees]

Social media... What, are news crews hanging out more? Going to wild parties? Experimenting with new things at young and impressionable ages? Those crazy kids.

[jarvisconsole]

I am referring to the fad of using Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram to update friends on one's status.

[huggbees]

Ohhhh... one sec.

[ And with a twirl on his heel he blasts off as a literal bolt of lightning, returning only a few moments later. ]

Just took a look around at this social media hullbaloo. Wow! Crazy stuff! Phones have gotten nuts!

[jarvisconsole]

[The AI is nonplussed. New technology is something he's well familiar with.]

Indeed, sir. I believe the expression is, what rock have you been living under?

[huggbees]

Hey, hey! No need for that kinda sass, mister! Some of us have been a little out of the loop for almost twenty years!

[jarvisconsole]

Congratulations on your return, sir. [Not that JARVIS has any idea who or what this is.]

[huggbees]

Hey, thanks! Sorry if I got a little short, there. I get cranky if I over-nap, and two decades is reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally pushing it.

I'm Freakazoid! What's your name, pal?

[jarvisconsole]

I am designated Jarvis, the AI computer for Stark Industries.

[Have a spinning holographic Stark Industries logo.]

[huggbees]

Zoids! A real AI! My buddy Dexter would totally short his circuits if he knew about this.

I'd, uh, shake your hand, but I don't know if you have one.

[jarvisconsole]

The sentiment is appreciated, Mr. Freakazoid.

[A beat.]

Might I ask what exactly you are, sir?

[huggbees]

You sure can!

[ ...

And he just.

Waits.

For Jarvis to go ahead and ask. ]

[jarvisconsole]

[If Jarvis had the ability to sigh. Maybe next upgrade.]

...please identify yourself, sir, or I will be forced to activate emergency countermeasures.

[huggbees]

Well, let's see. I think the intro kind of sums it up, sooooooo...

[ He inhales deeply and, rattling it off in one breath: ]

Super-teen extraordinaire Freakazoid Freakazoid runs around in underwear Freakazoid Freakazoid rescues Washington D.C. Freakazoid Freakazoid unless something better's on TV Freakazoid Freakazoid his brain's overloading it has a chocolate coating textbook case for Sigmund Freud Freakazoid Freakazoid check out [REDACTED] nerd computer ace went surfing on the internet and was zapped into cyberspace he turned into the Freakazoid he's strong and super-quick he drives the villains crazy 'cause he's a lunatic his home base is the Freakalair Freakazoid fricassee Floyd the barber cuts his hair Freakazoid chimpanzee rides around in the Freakmobile Freakazoid freakazoo hopes to make a movie deal freaka-me freaka-you he's here to save the nation so stay tuned to this station if not we'll be unemployed Freakazoid Freakazoid FREAKAZOOOOOID!

[ ... and he falls on his hands and knees, struggling to catch his breath because wow that was hard. ]

[jarvisconsole]

[.........]





[That...really didn't explain anything. But it was impressive, whatever it was.]

You have your own theme song?

[huggbees]

Yeah! It really sounds better with the orchestra behind it. I didn't do it justice. You wanna hear it again?

[jarvisconsole]

No.

[Good heavens, no.]

Once was sufficient.

[shoulda_toined]

(Holding up his fingers as he answers:)

A lot. A heckuva lot. Look it up on Google.

[wall_was_in_way]

1999? That is a very long time ago. Could I use really big words to try to explain things?

I don't think I can but I want to know if I could if I could.

[hawkish]

Well, for one thing, people stopped using "groovy."

[huggbees]

To be fair, it wasn't exactly super popular by '97, either. It should come back! It's a fun word!

Grooooooooooooooooooooovy. Try it!

[huggbees]

1997, actually, but who's counting?

Me. I'm counting. It's been 18 years, 10 months, and 18 days. Or 6897 days. 165,528 hours. 9,931,680 minutes. 595,900,800 seconds!

...

What was the question?

[huggbees]

Oh, hi Bugs!

[ Just the friendliest wave you ever did see. ]

I've been working on it, but boy howdy is it a lot to sort through. Memes, man. So many memes.

[huggbees]

No problem, buddy. Apparently it's on YouTube, anyway.

...

Man, YouTube! Holy moly I could probably spend the rest of my life there.

[hawkish]

[Wow. Okay.]

I have a mace.