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[5055034455]

You know what's scarier than ghosts, ghouls, and ghastly apparitions?

Unlawful arrests. False allegations. Conviction and imprisonment under questionable circumstances. Do you feel you've been wronged by the legal system? Are you worried about your future? Are you or your loved ones suffering from all kinds of mental, physical, and financial stress—stress caused by dealing with the consequences of a crime you didn't commit?

Forget the Ghostbusters. This Halloween, who are you gonna call?

That's right: Saul Goodman.

So put down that smudge stick and pick up the phone before your past—

[A pause, for dramatic effect.]

—comes back to haunt you.

Comments

[letsget_cooking]

Ghostbusters, really?

[5055034455]

Yes, Walter.

It's Halloween. The Ghostbusters are a seasonal staple.

I apologize. Peter apologizes for nothing however.

[ectoparody]

Well, we are kind of a big deal, I'll give you that. Halloween is a pretty busy night for us, but I wouldn't say we're "Seasonal"; ghosts don't really appreciate the finer points of holiday awareness, you know?

[A small pause, because he's gotta just...take in that ad one more time before he can formulate a proper response to it.]

Nice pitch though. Maybe I can work something out with the guys for a little cross-promotional thing.

[And by that he means drop it on them at the last second, because that's just how he rolls.]

literally all I could have asked for

[5055034455]

[Holy shit.]

Well, "seasonal" in so far as that's when people tend to don the jumpsuits and hump around the homemade proton packs. They might do it other times of the year, too, but hey — that's their business.

[Because nothing says you're in for a sexy time in the bedroom like ectoplasm and demonic possession. Anyway, Peter's suggestion — now that is one hell of a Halloween treat.]

I like the way you think, Doc. Tell me more.

Always happy to oblige

[ectoparody]

[Well...he'd made a solid living in getting into things that weren't his business, and if people were running around in jumpsuits and with proton packs outside of Halloween...he might be inclined to pick a few brains on that subject, if only to find out just how freaky they were.

But that was for another time.]

Its a pretty simple idea, nice and quick like. We run a commercial, throw in something about how even Ghostbusters need legal services, you come in with your pitch and some story about how we helped you out and then we all look good. Everyone gets to go home happy and with a little more business coming in, how's that sound for a bargain, eh?

[cinnagene]

Very funny. [ This is a smile of someone who would have done the same, if only he got to be the past. ]

[5055034455]

Pitch perfect.

[Saul always had a feeling he'd like this guy, but this? This must be what love feels like.]

And hey, no reason why it has to be a completely fictional story. I mean, if you and the boys ever do need legal help... more than happy to oblige, at your service, et cetera.

[5055034455]

[OH HEY.

It's this guy.

Ignoring the sinking feeling in his gut, he grins.]

I know, right? Eat your heart out, famous comedian liked by the kids these days.

[cinnagene]

[ He tries to think for a second who, but with the mother of all depressions making him not so much into comedy nor what the kids are in to these days, no one really comes to mind.

Jesus. That's depressing. It's not like he hasn't been interacting with them. ]

You got them on the ropes.

[ There's no need to be down on his baby!self, now is there. ]

[5055034455]

Sure do.

[Not that Saul ever dedicated any brainpower to it, but shit, he'd have imagined hanging out with himself would be less awkward.]

So... still down with the mustache, I see. Have you considered growing a full beard yet?

[ectoparody]

Well, we more or less have things pretty squared away in the legal department, but I can't say we've never run into that kind of situation. If something comes up, you'll be the first to know; sound like a fair deal to you?

[It never hurt to have more friends in their corner, and with people like Peck out there who'd jump at the chance to get them shut down...well, he wasn't stupid enough to turn down the help.]

[cinnagene]

[ He shrugs. ] Nah! Too much upkeep.

[ Because the moustache is low maintenance. Except for how neatly it's shaped and trimmed. Ok, maybe he's more worried about disappearing behind a beard. He's already a sad sack. No need to exacerbate the issue. ]

Besides, Nebreska's full of the bearded people.

[5055034455]

[Or it could turn out better than expected.

Not with that hair on Gene's head, though. Jesus.]

Have you considered the benefits of additional warmth in the winter? [Since that's a thing he has to deal with again.] And the other perhaps more important benefit of further blending in and assimilating with Midwestern culture?

[cinnagene]

There's also the potential of beard hair in the buns. Or a beard-hair net. [ Beards are all well and good for the be-suited among us. Don't make him wear a beard hair net, Saul. ] Besides, nobody takes more than a glance at me. I'm plenty blended.

[ And it breaks his heart. Loud suits are damned comfortable to wear. He's already lost them for this, he has his limits, as arbitrary as they can be. ]

[5055034455]

Hey, some people like beard hair in their buns.

[that's gross]

Look, all I'm sayin' is, we both know you can do better. Even taking your current circumstances into consideration.

[5055034455]

Absolutely.

[Saul offers a hand for the shaking, simultaneously thinking geeky thoughts about hanging out with the Ghostbusters, and greedy thoughts about how much revenue they must be raking in.]

You won't regret it.

[cinnagene]

Sure.

[ Some people are gross.

He answers the charge with a shrug. No denial here. ]

Getting some employment history is a good move. Actual history with the scent of cinnamon legitimacy. Things with 'reliable' and 'hard worker' attached to them. With the 'economic downturn', there are a lotta stories, so people probably don't question the gap after that.

[ But here's the rub. ] Of course, I dunno where to go next.

[5055034455]

[Ah, the optimism of someone who's yet to hit rock bottom. Saul nods, looking a little annoyed as if to say, I know, man, I know. I get it. I get you. We have the same brain.

Probably for the best that there's no psychic connection happening, though.]

Well, Mr. Manager, you could get the hell outta there, for starters. Honestly, I'm curious: What's stopping you from skipping town completely? Why not take that Spanish vocabulary and head south?

[cinnagene]

[ He raises up his hand in a stopping motion. ]

Whoa there, handsome.

I was talking philosophically, not practically. From twelve year old girl to Christopher Reeve, there's a whole lot of range in the 'do I even wanna get back on the horse?' here. Maybe I should think about a different mode of transport.

[letsget_cooking]

Yeah, I got that part. It's the whole cheesy part that got me. [He rolled his eyes.]

Are you still going to help me with my current predicament? [You know....the whole drug cartel business.]

[5055034455]

Now, now. No need to get jealous. You're still my favorite client.

[Read: The one who pays him the most.]

[5055034455]

Agreed. On both fronts: I am handsome, and you should consider alternative options. Horses are outdated, didn't you know?

[It's a weird feeling, wanting to shake yourself.]

I'm talking practically because I wanna know what your deal is. Don't think you'll get away with dodging questions from me, man.

[cinnagene]

Jesus! Is the fact that I'm acting like a bad actor playing a P.O.W. not a big old clue? If I can't make it through a day without losing it whenever a shifty looking looks my way, exactly how is it 'practical' to do anything?

[twoyearplan]

[Kim rolls her eyes, more amused than anything.]

[5055034455]

[Jamaulene, this is like every day you've ever woken up, looked in the mirror, and judged yourself, except twenty times worse and your reflection has an attitude.

This face, man.

Just.

This face.]

[5055034455]

What, are my advertisements not worthy of the Wexler seal of approval?

[twoyearplan]

They're definitely original, I give you that.

[5055034455]

That sounds like it could pass for a compliment. I'll take it.

[twoyearplan]

[She answers that with a pointed smile of affirmation.]

Are these commercials effective?

[5055034455]

[In lieu of an answer, he does a little twirl and gestures at his overall appearance. Nothing screams success and wealth like a brightly-colored suit, right?]

What does it look like?

[...]

Actually, don't answer that. Yes, they're effective.

[twoyearplan]

[She raises her eyebrows, ready to make a teasing comment about money not buying taste, but holds her tongue as requested.]

I'm glad you've found something that works for you.

[5055034455]

Thanks. Pink's a pretty good color on me, isn't it?

[That's definitely what this conversation is about, yep.]

[twoyearplan]

...It's not a terrible color on you.

[cinnagene]

[ He shrugs, a little sorry. ] I'm just trying to keep it together and so far I seem to be sucking at even doing that.

[5055034455]

Right? Brings out the color in my cheeks.

[5055034455]

Sucking, yeah, but not failing completely. You're not in the funny farm yet, man. One foot in the door, maybe, but there's still time to go the other way.

[cinnagene]

[ He nods, more or less agreeing. ]

Not dead yet. [ It's the kind depressing kind of optimism, but it's better than none at all. ]

[5055034455]

[Saul runs a hand over his face and heaves out an exasperated sigh.]

You know what? I get it now. How our exes feel. Arguing with myself is exhausting.

[cinnagene]

Yeah, well, maybe I'll root out old step-dad's number for ya. Or, I don't know, you could catch a hint and let me work it out actually myself. You're not in this hole yet and I get that you wanna minimise it because I'm scaring ya. [ He's pretty scared. ] Who wants to wind up a guy who can't take his own advice, literally? Who wants to be the guy that's stuck?

[ Bah, he doesn't want to be reminded of Chuck. ] Look, what I'm saying is, I'm down, but not out. I'm independent, I get out, I just can't be much more than that right now.

And maybe our exes were expecting that we'd never have an off day that they couldn't make better.

[5055034455]

[Have a glare, Gene.

Look at Saul, refusing to admit that a) he's scared and b) doesn't actually have a practical solution. But maybe this gives him time to plan for the future, now that he knows what he knows. That's how this all works, right?]

I guess —

[Fine.

His annoyed expression fades, leaving in its wake an anxious kind of exhaustion.]

We've never been in a situation we couldn't work our way out of. This won't be the first, but you're right. I'm being too pushy.

[cinnagene]

[ He's not kidding himself that there'll be some kind of rewind, but Gene hasn't had all his hope beaten out of him. But he's tried kicking himself in the teeth and been frustrated when no go, so he knows exactly how his other self is feeling. ]

You'll be fine. [ Better, and less defensive than using 'I', but that's what he means. And he believes it more too. ]

[letsget_cooking]

I'm not jealous, Saul. Don't be so pathetic. [Walt just rolled his eyes.] Only because I'm paying you. Paying you lots of money to try and get me out of this situation.

[5055034455]

And your money is being put to good use, I promise.