homeless, canon: moral orel

[all_screwed_up]

Oh, honestly now. Do you really not have anything better to do with your time? [apparently not]

I mean, really. What will the neighbors think if they find out I've been whisked away to some... I don't know. What is this place, anyway? Never mind, it doesn't matter. I'm asking that you send me home immediately. I have many things I need to do, and plenty of people who will be...

....

My husband and children will be waiting for...

...

Hm.

Comments

[ex_preach653]

Oh, hi, mom! You're here too! Are we on vacation? Where on God's green Earth are we?

[all_screwed_up]

Oh good! You're here.

[...]

Somewhere terrible, Orel. Don't look at or touch anything until we get home.

[ex_preach653]

Oh, okay, mom! Won't touch a thing! When are dad and Shapey getting here? We wouldn't want them to miss out on the family vacation!

[all_screwed_up]

We certainly wouldn't. [a slight twitch of her left eyelid.] Fortunately, however, this isn't a vacation. Real vacations are when you go somewhere nice, like Hawaii, or a salon, I imagine.

Just try not to get in any trouble, Orel. We both know how you get into trouble, don't we!

[ex_preach653]

G...golly, mom. I try not to. But it seems like a whole lot of nothing here. How could I get into trouble?

[ famous last words ]

[all_screwed_up]

I'm sure you'll find a way, sweetie! You always do. All the time.

Why don't we pray? Close your eyes and start praying. Mommy will just go pray over here.

[ex_preach653]

Oookay! You don't want to pray together?

[ Regardless, he drops to his knees, hands clasped. ]

What are we praying for, mom?

[all_screwed_up]

[bloberta doesn't kneel- the very idea of dirtying her dress on the floor -but she halfheartedly clasps her hands.] Let us pray that we be sent home to Moralton, where things make sense. And let us pray very quietly, so that if God is feeling bloaty and crampy today, we won't bother him.

[ex_preach653]

Oh! Okay!

[ Orel immediately drops his voice to a whisper: ]

Hi, God. It's me, Orel. Mom and I are in this place, and I guess it's not a vacation. Not that I'm not thankful to You for the brand-new place to explore. I just wish it had more... stuff. Like maybe a place to sit?

[ And by the magic of Dear Mun, a chair, not unlike Clay's recliner, appears. Orel goes back to regular volume. ]

Wh...whoa! Mom-- mom?! Mom, God just really answered my prayer!

[all_screwed_up]

[how did bloberta get all the way over there? no, she definitely wasn't trying to sneak away while orel was praying, definitely not, you crazy]

Orel! Where did you get that chair? Put that back where you found it, it's not yours.

placeholderrr

[darkshooter]

...

You have nothing?

[ex_preach653]

[ Orel doesn't notice much, especially not lifelong attempts at parental abandonment ]

It's God's chair, mom! I think He's letting us borrow it!

[ He's dancing around the chair excitedly. ] You should sit in His chair first!

[all_screwed_up]

Well, I suppose this great nation was founded on the principle of "finders keepers". [bloberta collapses into the chair, sinking into it almost instantly.

she just sits there, quietly, eyes closed, almost seeming to treasure the silence.]

[all_screwed_up]

I didn't say that. I have lots of things. I'm a mother and wife and an upstanding member of the community! I'm very blessed.

[...]

What do you have?

[ex_preach653]

[ The silence does not last for long, because Orel is asking God for more favors. ]

Hey, God, how about something to eat!

[ There. There is a beautiful ham on the floor. ] And how about something to drink! [ Look. There is so much wine now. ]

still placeholder, honest. the right words for her response came immediately. XD [1/2]

[darkshooter]

I'm aware of what you didn't say.

[2/2]

[darkshooter]

...

I could claim your life, if I wanted it.

[all_screwed_up]

Orel, don't- [whatever bloberta was going to say dies on her lips when she spots the wine.] Hey! You get away from that, mister. What do we look like? Catholics?

[all_screwed_up]

Are you threatening me? Well, I never! That's some nerve you have there, young lady. I suppose this is just how people are outside of Moralton, hmm?

[ex_preach653]

[ Orel's too happy with God actually listening to him to listen to his mother. ]

What is that? Grape juice? Gosh. Can we have some orange juice instead, God?

[ There we go. Nice, wholesome orange juice, in an enormous puddle on the floor. ]

[all_screwed_up]

Orel. Orel. [corporal punishment isn't really bloberta's thing- she has clay for that (and not much else). nevertheless, she pinches orel's ear. hard.]

You are making. A mess. On the floor.

Now tell God to clean this up. Or give me some cleaning products and I'll do it. ...Either or.

[ex_preach653]

O-- ow, mom! But they're God's blessings!

[ He doesn't resist the ear-pinching, though. ]

...G-God? Can you get mom some-

[ Look, there's a whole gift basket of industrial-strength cleaners. ]

[darkshooter]

[So you've never been outside your region. That's interesting.]

I do not want it yet. [Shooter, is that supposed to be reassuring.]

But if you keep speaking, that may change.

[all_screwed_up]

[bloberta releases orel's ear immediately. finally he did something right]

Oh, ohhhhh, yessss... O-Orel, be a good boy now and pray for some washcloths! And a new dress! And a Mr. Ecstasy Double-Headed Vibrating... massager!

[all_screwed_up]

I refuse to entertain this conversation any longer. You ought to read the Good Book. There's a little passage in there about murder that you might find useful.

[darkshooter]

[only if it tells me how to do it better]

Instruction? Perhaps.

I DIDNT GET THE NOTIF FOR THIS

[ex_preach653]

Th-that's a lot to ask of the big guy! Aren't we stretching some limit--

[ NO, EVERYTHING APPEARS AS REQUESTED. ]

[all_screwed_up]

[bloberta makes a beeline for the washclothes and immediately sets to cleaning up the orange juice puddle. the vibrator MASSAGER goes ignored right now Because Cleaning.]

Orel, I'm not sure how to tell you this, but I think you might be a wizard. Now the important thing about being a wizard is, you can't tell anybody else except your mother, alright? Especially not your father.

[ex_preach653]

[ holy shit i'm dying ]

...A wizard, mom? [ Orel sounds queasy. ] O-ohhh, golly. I don't feel very good thinking about that. It steps awful close to black magic and... and wicked stuff.