(no subject)

[heliumfart]

I don't know how the yotz you expected me to find this amusing, hoo-man. Might I remind you that I am dominar to over six hundred billion subjects? Surely that's a rather more important fact to denote in a user name than a perfectly natural bodily function which I occasionally happen to perform.

I know your species succumbs unusually quickly to illness from excess ingestion. Would you like it if I called you sludgedren? Or boozevomit?

That's what I thought.

Comments

[sputnik_shanu]

They always seem to think they are amusing, do they not?

[She has enough experience with her own to actually side with the Hynerian on this one.]

[heliumfart]

Regardless of whether anybody else is actually laughing.

[Rygel shakes his head and sighs gruffly. He's not used to siding with the Kalish either.]

Aeryn was right. A whole frelling planet of Crichtons.

[sputnik_shanu]

[They usually only ever agree on the most efficient way to save their own asses, so this is a new feeling.]

Quite disheartening, isn't it? Especially when you realize there is no way to escape. At least with Crichton you can walk away.

[heliumfart]

[It is a fragile agreement spurred on by terrible and stressful circumstances. Much like the entirety of their relationship in general.]

Yes, with great effort, if he's not chasing you. For an inferior species, humans are quite a persistent bunch. And Crichton is the most human of them all.

[He hangs his head.]

What's worse is that my mundane is doing this because he likes me.

[sputnik_shanu]

Mine says that as well. One would think if they liked us so much, they would leave us alone rather than harass and ridicule us. That is no affection that I want.

[heliumfart]

I would think if mine liked me, he wouldn't be sending me to a starship filled with hundreds of humans. I wonder if they treat their enemies even worse or if they shower them with gifts and money.

[sputnik_shanu]

At least you will still be in space. Mine thought it would be nice to strand me in a city with no interstellar flight capabilities.

[heliumfart]

In space, planetside, what does it matter? I'm one more universe removed from my throne. And I'm surrounded by humans.

[sputnik_shanu]

As am I. And they took away all my abilities beyond what a human might possess. She thought that was quite amusing, too.

[heliumfart]

Well, you'll be easier to keep track of that way. I was starting to lose count of how many of those you had.

[Rygel is sulking. When he sulks, he lashes out at his inferiors. Which is everyone without royal Hynerian blood.]

[sputnik_shanu]

Whereas the human who keeps you as a pet has clearly labeled you with your only remotely extraordinary ability.

[She doesn't really even need an excuse to lash out at her inferiors. Which consist of everyone.]

Sorry! Devoured by RL.

[heliumfart]

Has he now? Tell me, how many jailbreaks have you engineered? Because for all you claim know about Leviathans, I've never seen YOU liberate one from Peacekeeper custody.

[And now they're back in familiar territory. Bitter and petulant snarking at each other. And what Rygel conversation would be complete without him pulling the "Without me, none of you would be here" routine?]

[leather_bastard]

Certainly, Dominar, you don't consider yourself their pet, do you? Rather than the other way around?

[heliumfart]

Certainly not! I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm nobody's puppet!

[His eyes narrow.]

It's why I kept you the frell out of my court, if you'll recall.

[leather_bastard]

As yes. And I recall how well that served you well when the Kkore arrived.

[heliumfart]

[His expression is grave but resolute.]

Many died. But they fell upholding Hynerian honor, and the freedom of all the galaxy. In the end we banded together and stood firm.

What would you have done, if I had left you in your position? Talked them into making us their servants, as you did to yourself?

[leather_bastard]

Until the time was right to strike, yes. You may recall, my service to the Kkore is what allowed me to free you.

[heliumfart]

Yes, you did manage to stumble over to the right side in the end - after you had exhausted every other alternative.

no worries! it happens to us all!

[sputnik_shanu]

I have yet to encounter one still wearing a control collar.

[Huff huff. As if she couldn't free one if she had the opportunity!]

And just how was it that you executed your plan? I believe it involved accomplices with arms long enough to operate the consoles?

[leather_bastard]

Coming from you, Dominar? I'll take that as a compliment.

[heliumfart]

Of course. I couldn't have performed the necessary operation myself any more than they could have fit through the conduits I had to navigate to free them in the first place. It was a plan that required many hands, but it came from my mind.

[He chooses to leave out the fact that D'Argo was very lucky to have severed the correct tubes.]

[heliumfart]

[Rygel is offended, outraged! And for a moment, at a complete loss for what to say. Scorpy has him there. He fumes.]

You have the finest talent for rationalizing your own duplicity that I've ever witnessed. False equivalence is like a second language to you.

And I don't mean that as a complement.

[leather_bastard]

As fascinating as exchanging quips, surely we both have more important things to consider...

...such as why you are allowing your so-called "mun" such leeway.

[heliumfart]

I'm not allowing him anything. He's imposed himself upon me against my will.