vecchio can still sulk with the best of them

[bluntobject]

Hey. Hey! The wolf is not part of the deal. I get to live in your head wolf free, otherwise No. Deal.

[ You're hurting his feelings, Ray. ]

Hurting his feelings? I can't hurt his feelings, it's a wolf. And who am I arguing with anyway? Myself, that's who. Or maybe you're arguing with yourself? This whole thing is too extensional for me. [ Existential? ] Existential. You drag me back here, after a good decade and a half I might add of much deserved retirement. You drag me back here when I could be sipping buttermilk in Stella's arms on a beach in Florida right now, and I get here and you wanna ditch me with the wolf while the Mountie goes off and has all the fun. Story of my life. Is that not the story of my life? Anyone? Anyone think that's reasonable? No, it's inhuman [ inhooman ] is what it is. I got rights--the right to be left alone being numero uno on that list. The right to not having a wolf make with me comes a close second. I swear to God...

[ And speaking of Diefenbaker. ]

Oh no. No, no, no. Not the jacket! Look what he's doing to my jacket! Dief, get off of me. [ Enunciate! ] Get. Off. Me! Oh man, this is never gonna wash out...

Comments

[rayrayrayrayrayrayray]

I'm afraid not having a wolf has never been considered an inalienable right, Ray.

[bluntobject]

Listen, Benny, just cause it isn't in any of the books you've read doesn't mean it isn't true. It just means the people who wrote those books didn't have a best friend with a wolf, else they mighta made an exception. Do you hear what I'm saying?

[rayrayrayrayrayrayray]

I hear you, Ray.

But wolves choose their companions. No one owns a wolf. They have their own rights.

[bluntobject]

Right, right. The wild animal thing. In that case d'you think you could ask him please to spare me what's left of my dignity? He listens to you.

Well. Sometimes. Alright, almost never--help a guy out, here, Fraser.

[rayrayrayrayrayrayray]

He likes you, Ray. That's unusual. You should cherish that.

Have you attempted a compromise?

[bluntobject]

[ Likes ruining his suits. The ones Fraser doesn't ruin, at least. ]

Alright hit me. A compromise? What sort of compromise? You mean a bribe, right? Because I am all out of jelly filled donuts.

[rayrayrayrayrayrayray]

Ray. You know too many of those are bad for him.

No, I just mean... instead of insisting you don't want him around, finding a way to co-exist. Accepting Diefenbaker into your life, and going from there.

[bluntobject]

[ He slumps ever so slightly. To be fair it's not like he actively dislikes Diefenbaker. In many ways the wolf is as much a partner to him as Fraser is, and while the latter hasn't jumped in the driver's seat while he's in it and licked his face, Fraser's irritations have well topped any irritation brought on by white fur in places white fur oughtn't to be. The dry-cleaners can work miracles; they got all of Canada out of one of his suits that one time.

But mostly it's hard to argue with 'He likes you, Ray', and it's hard to argue with Fraser's plaintive blue eyed stare. And ugh--he's rolling his eyes. ]

Fine. Fine, you win. Sure, I can try and do that. [ Wincing as Diefenbaker licks his ear. ] Cherish it, huh?

[rayrayrayrayrayrayray]

[Fraser nods solemnly. As always, his tone and expression are earnest. As always, it's impossible to tell how much of it he's aware of.]

Indeed, Ray. The loyalty of a canine can't be bought, and shouldn't be taken for granted.

[bluntobject]

Now that I know is patently untrue. [ Okay that's quite enough ear licking, he'll be trying to block his head with his arms now, shooting a look at Fraser that is just a little off daring to actually look him in the eyes again. It's not worth it. It's never worth it. Every time his dedication to selfishness is prone to shatter into useless pieces like plates at a Greek wedding. ] The problem here is you've never tried to mend his issues with you through the liberal application of peanut butter. Maybe that's why he gives you such a hard time, huh Benny?

[rayrayrayrayrayrayray]

["Benny" smirks a little.]

Maybe. So you're saying you've discovered the secret?

[bluntobject]

[ A coy grin, the slightest swivel of his head. ] The secret to wolf rustling, that's right. Cracked it a long time ago.

[glasshim]

You've got rights, yeah. So does he. Looks like you're infringing upon his right to eat.

[that jacket's sure going through a lot of abuse today.]

[bluntobject]

I'll have you know this wolf eats his weight in Dunkaroos and pastries daily. If doughnuts ran wild in the Northwest Territories they'd be extinct outta his appetite alone.

So you can lay off [ He says right to the wolf jumping up at him. ] I got nothing for you, and this is Armani.

[glasshim]

But red meat would be safe? Sounds like a little more than having selective tastes.

[mind you, this isn't a jab at the wolf (who Bigby actually feels sorry for) but rather towards this guy. he's like the last person you'd ever expect to have a wolf and the first to be sized up to be eaten, if he's going to be totally honest.

after a few seconds of gratuitous temple massaging, he looks over at the wolf and whistles softly to get its attention, beckoning it to come closer as he lowers himself to one knee.]

[bluntobject]

He's got a real problem, that's for sure.

[ It's Ray that pays attention at the whistle, while Dief doesn't so much as drop down to four paws in his efforts to get in his pockets, and he's quick to say "Look, maybe that guy has something" before finally - finally - Diefenbaker pays attention to Bigby, and the pattern of outfit abuse ceases for another who knows how long. ]

That and he's deaf. [ And only half wolf. Explained as Dief approaches, cautiously wagging his tail. ]

[shakebadguys]

Sippin' buttermilk with who now?

[bluntobject]

You heard me, Stanley. You figure your ego can stand hearing me repeat it?

[shakebadguys]

Y'think your face could stand my fist punchin' it?

[bluntobject]

Hard man. You really don't see it, do you? A woman like that is looking for more than just rampant testosterone.

[shakebadguys]

Yeah, like hair. And a regular-sized honker.

[bluntobject]

Hey, don't knock it till you try it. What the lady likes she gets.

Besides, talk about bad omens. What gave you the idea marrying a chick called Stella was a good idea in the first place? Masochism?

[shakebadguys]

Ugh, I'm gonna barf.

Love.

[now he was definitely gonna barf]

[bluntobject]

Same thing.

You could have taken her name. But hey, don't worry about it. Not like she's going to be a Kowalski for long.

[shakebadguys]

She's still a Kowalski now. That oughta tell you somethin'.