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[monsterwithin]

What you chose as my 'journal name...' I think you might have misunderstood its meaning.

Don't get me wrong, 'mundane.' It's just another name for me. One of many. And everyone who gave me a name before... well. I think you already know that story, don't you?

Comments

Why would you do this, you magnificent person?

[theendiswherewestartfrom]

"Names can be a funny thing. They don't really have any power, until you get attached to one."

[monsterwithin]

And if they are given power by someone other than myself?

[theendiswherewestartfrom]

"Hunh. The way I've always seen it, you give the name power by the deeds that you do, the actions you take while you use that name. So how could someone else give it power?"

[neurosurgeon]

Names should be cherished, but-- I suppose this can be the exception to the rule.

[monsterwithin]

I've been known by many names. There were a few that I was fond of, of course. But can any of those names truly be called mine? I guess it would depend on whom you ask, and what the names meant to them.

Their reactions should be quite enlightening.

[monsterwithin]

Why, Doctor Tenma. What a pleasant surprise.

{ Was that genuine, or just typical Johan? }

[theendiswherewestartfrom]

In a way, all of the names are yours. I did much the same, working under a series of assumed names for, well, for the first part of my career.

But you're saying maybe they only have as much power as what they meant to other people. The meaning doesn't come from what you've done, but what other people remember. What stories they tell under that name.

[neurosurgeon]

[ he's not sure which is worse, to be quite honest. ]

The same could be said about you. [ maybe, for now, etcetra-- disclaimers upon disclaimers for his cautious optimism. ] The last time I saw you, you were still asleep.

[ if it wasn't johan, he'd be motherhenning-- excuse me, worrying on the account of being a doctor, but alas. still, if he seems to be making a cursory assessment, don't mind him. ]

[monsterwithin]

Those names only had as much power as those who knew them allowed them to have. But they did. They all did. Human nature is, unfortunately, quite predictable.

[monsterwithin]

You saved me again, Doctor. { Johan appears less amused, and more curious this time around. } Despite your trek across all of Germany, our little game of cat and mouse, chasing the monster. And yet, in the end, you couldn't just let me die.

I would admire your tenacity to see value in all life, were it not clear that, ultimately, you've learned nothing.

[theendiswherewestartfrom]

I'd argue against that last point. The more I watch humanity, the more human nature surprises me. In both directions, good and bad. But if you mean on the point of names, searching for attachment and definition of what exists, then yes, that's pretty predictable.

[monsterwithin]

What was predictable was the significance they attached to those names. They made it so easy. Every human has a breaking point, a terror so significant that the mere thought of it causes their minds to snap. I wanted to know what that was, the monster that lurks in all of us. I looked, and I looked, and yet, nobody seemed willing to stare into its eyes.

Why do you think that is?

[neurosurgeon]

I'd say I learned a lot, actually. [ says he, knowing perfectly well as to what, specifically, johan is referring. ]

... Anyway, no matter what came out of it, I don't believe that I was wrong.

[theendiswherewestartfrom]

How can a name, itself, cause that much terror? I've seen that monster you're referring to. Glimpses of it. Naming it, identifying it, truly looking at it should lessen the fear, once you understand.

But once you understand, don't you take a part of that monster into yourself? Once you know, it's impossible to forget that truth again.

I might toss Tohko at you later, depending on how I'm feeling. ><;

[cakeandpain]

[Normally, Legato was not a social person. Unless it involved his plans-the great tragedy he was directing and acting in for the misguided superior being that wounded his Master-he usually tried to deal with other people as little as possible, though he usually put on a thin veil of politeness when he had to.

But this person sounded different from the usual ignorant, destructive, and rotting pieces of trash he came across. While curiosity was a useless attribute to have-why be curious when you were going to die eventually anyway?-he did have it. So, he spoke.]

It seems you're fond of throwing out other actors if they cannot put you down in the script correctly. What is your correct label then, if you even have one?

Let me know if something sounds strange here.

[tohko_amano]

[It was obvious that this guy was handsome. However, the way he chose to speak about the people who gave him a name before was creepy, at the very least. Maybe he was an orphan who didn't remember much of his past-including his name-and had been so badly beaten by the people who had taken him in that he had murdered his guardians and decided to kill any grown-up who took care of him afterwards so that he would never suffer again.

Maybe he was like a terribly murderous Peter Pan, bad memory and all, which would help him hide the fact that he had killed his family-and others later-as he moved from house to house. Because of his bad memory, he would keep forgetting his name sometimes, which was when his new family would happily give him a new one and try to take care of him..before being slaughtered.

Of course, this was all just speculation, a small deduction that could very well be wrong. So, Tohko did her best to put on a brave face and smile as she spoke. Whether it was like a salty bowl of rice with tuna or a cold bowl of chili, she wanted to find out what the story this person held was. Was he still killing? Was he trying to get other children to kill people? Did he have a gang?]

Your Mundane might know the story about them, but I don't! Could you tell me their story and the story about you?

[monsterwithin]

I was curious about that myself. 'Johan' is such a wonderful name, too.

Into me? No... it has always been outside of me. It exploded a very, very log time ago. Tell me, when you saw it, what did you think? How afraid were you?

[monsterwithin]

Is that so? { Well, that just gave him a ton of ammunition. } Are you saying then, Doctor Tenma, that you would willingly save me again, knowing full well what happened the last time? Are you prepared to live with the consequences of doing so again?

[monsterwithin]

My 'label' only has as much meaning as others would allow it to have.

[monsterwithin]

That is a story best left experienced, rather than told. { Johan stared down at the girl, smiling in his typical fashion that can neither be called genuine, nor warm. } Are you always this curious about strangers?

[theendiswherewestartfrom]

When I saw the worst that humanity has to offer? And the thought that each of us has that inside of them, that potential, that 'monster' as you're calling it. What did I think?

[A long pause, and the look in his eye grows more distant as he remembers. Angelo, New York; The Master (if that counts), The Year That Never Was; the entire British Cabinet, in the wake of the 456?]

Afraid. More afraid than I could probably describe. But every time I saw it come out, every time I caught that glimpse in someone else, it was because they were acting out of fear, themselves.

[keep_smiling]

What's wrong with it? Are you a "monster without", instead? Or is the monster part itself? I suppose that could be a little off-putting.

[monsterwithin]

{ Aha. Now we're getting somewhere. He'll save his monologue for just one more question. }

Fear of what?

[monsterwithin]

What an interesting question. What do you think the answer might be?

[theendiswherewestartfrom]

Me, in one case. Fear of everything in another. [Best way he can think of to describe the Master.] Fear of dying and fear of failure in the third. All wraps up to fear of the unknown. Which goes back to my earlier question, once you identify and understand that impulse inside of all humanity, aren't you less afraid of it?

[star_of_darkness]

[A vast and expansive darkness that is blacker then the deepest darkness reaches of space and filled with unearthly lights that are not lights raises up before the Nameless Monster and speaks.]

You should be proud of the title, O nameless spreader of terror and death. It shows that you have become something more than a mere human being, more than even what you're creator, The Storyteller of the cruel truths of existence could have even imagined or intended. You have become the idea of the great unspoken darkness that dwells within all of humanity...

[neurosurgeon]

[ that's always the question, isn't it? ]

... I don't know. All I know for certain is that I've saved you twice. [ that's probably an answer all on its own, no matter how unsettling it may be. ]

The search is over, Johan. Isn't there anything else that you'd like to do? [ you know, other than killing people? ]

[taintedwhite]

Sounds like an interesting story... [She knows quite a bit about having many names and being a monster whatever name people give her.]

Care to tell me about it~?

[She looks up at him, red eyes peering through long white eyelashes. She looks so innocent. Except maybe for her voice and her smile, even if she's tried to make it less scary for once.]

[monsterwithin]

{ Well. That's interesting. Johan's genuinely curious, he hasn't exactly had many supernatural experiences in his world. Finally the respect he deserves from the devil, perhaps? }

Why, I'm flattered.

[monsterwithin]

You should know the answer to that already.

{ Not that his expression is (usually) easy to read, but this time, he's actually serious. }

[monsterwithin]

{ Johan smiles. To say that there's something... off about his smile, of course, would be a massive understatement. }

What you saw was humanity's true nature. Irrational. Fearful. You said it yourself. You, were terrified, to see what lurks in the hearts of men when the chips are down. When they looked at you in fear, what did you feel? Were you hurt? Afraid of what they might do, in panic?

{ Johan leans forward a bit, looking Jack squarely in the eye. Unblinking. It wouldn't take a psychologist to see just what kind of person Johan Liebert is. }

Fear is a biological constant. Everything from the most rational of human beings to the most primitive of protozoa can experience it. And yet, I can see that that concept in and of itself scares you. To have someone look at you, and be afraid... it hurt you. Tell me, when you look into the mirror, do you see yourself... or the one you scared?

[neurosurgeon]

Maybe. But things have changed since then.

[monsterwithin]

{ You're not fooling him, Wretched Egg. This is a guy that makes hardened serial killers on death row soil themselves. But at the same time... he can tell there's something much more to this girl than meets the eye at first glance. }

Something tells me... that you know this story all too well.

[monsterwithin]

The only thing that changed is the setting. The people around us, at their core, are very much the same fragile creatures, that don't know my name.

[taintedwhite]

Maybe~

But I never say no to a good story. I've heard so many boring ones.

[monsterwithin]

"The Monster with No Name," by Emil Scherbe. Otherwise known, as Franz Bonaparta. Unfortunately... he is unable to tell that story again.

[star_of_darkness]

You are curious as to what I am? Why, you should know the answer better than anyone else. "I really thought I'd already reached the darkest of the dark, but then, ahead of me, I beheld a darkness even greater still." If you are that which was not giving a name and become a monster instead of a person, then I am that which could not become a bright star of life and became the great cosmic darkness that existed outside of time forever peering in. We are one and the same.

[monsterwithin]

I see.

{ He meant that as a metaphor, but this? This is interesting. Almost poetically so. }

A pleasant mirror to look at, then.

[taintedwhite]

It's too bad dead people can't tell stories, isn't it~?

But you can since you know it. I'll trust you to tell it right~

[monsterwithin]

A tale with unnamed characters, told by an anonymous author. You have a very odd taste in stories. { In this instance, though, he'll humor her. He can tell there's something odd about her without even knowing her. Opportunities like that don't present themselves often, not even to Johan.

So... she gets his life story. With a few omissions about the origins of the eugenics experiment, beginning mostly from Kinderheim. }

[theendiswherewestartfrom]

[The look is unnerving, and yet, Jack feels like he can't hide anything from that gaze. Even if he tried, Johan would only see it anyway, wouldn't he?]

Afraid of what they did, in panic. I survived it anyway. I always do. And that fear, it goes all the way up the chain. Even to life forms that consider themselves 'beyond' human. Silurians, Sontarans, even the Time Lords. Even the Daleks, although they deny fear harder than any other life form out there.

But some of the best of humanity, some of the best of a lot of races, has come out of that fear, too. In the moments where someone fears, but doesn't fall, doesn't break, they can stand up to a lot, instead.

[taintedwhite]

Ksha~ Not only in stories, I'm told~

So the monster won't stop until it's killed by the person it likes most? [She sounds serious all of a sudden. That sounds all too familiar. But for some reason it's comforting to know other people have the same story as she does.]

[monsterwithin]

You should be. A person can be rational and calm. People, however, are woefully predictable in their tendency to panic. Rats trapped in a cage will inevitably begin to eat each other. I've seen this myself. I've even made it possible.

Humans, even at their best, are still human. That is why you will only ever see their true nature in the throes of despair.

[monsterwithin]

The monster can never truly be killed. Anna and I are cut from the same cloth, even if she will not admit it. By killing me, she was forced to confront that fact. By killing me again, it will be confirmed.

[tohko_amano]

[While this guy was smiling and speaking politely, it didn't change the fact that he sounded ominous or that he might be a murderer who killed anyone who ever took him in and gave him a name. But, while she wasn't going to let him off the hook-she hardly ever did let people alone-she still did her best to keep up her smile as she spoke.]

Of course, especially when they have interesting stories..but I think I would rather be told the story about what happened to everyone who gave you a name than experience it. It sounds like it's rather violent, after all.

[cakeandpain]

Ultimately, your label is nearly worthless once your curtain falls and the play is over. Even so, you still have one to make the play smoother and more interesting for the writers, the other members of the cast, and the audience. I didn't ask you what value or meaning your label had to yourself or others. I asked you what you see it as from your version of the script.

[monsterwithin]

They tried to give a name to a monster without one.

[keep_smiling]

Oi, we've just met! I can't say a whole lot on the subject.

[Well, there is ONE thing.]

Though your smile isn't fooling me. I must say, it is very good. It's just very hard to get them past me. I'm an expert.

[tohko_amano]

[..While Tohko was still holding onto pieces of her current theory, it sounded like she might have been a little off with her deduction. Not like that would hold her back from trying to uncover the story behind this guy and the people who took care of him, even if it was gruesome.]

And what makes you think you're a monster? You're probably a murderer, but that doesn't make you a monster. And why don't you have a name? Do you not remember it, or did your parents never give you one?