dear_mun | WTNV: Channeling my inner morning talk-show host! :D

Normally I wouldn't talk to someone else's cult, but you're even bothering me.

You have no reason to smile. Your god has no power here.

But why WOULDN'T we smile? There's just so MUCH to be EXCITED about! It's another beautiful sunny morning and it's a perfect day to be productive!

There's absolutely no reason to not be smiling as wide as you can with all of your teeth ALL THE TIME! No reason ever!

Well for one I don't have a mouth.

[He had to get that little snark in at some point.]

As for you though? Well by your god has no power here, I mean he couldn't intervene if I or someone else decided to cause you harm.

We at Strex do not discriminate based on facial features or lack thereof! That's just one of the benefits of being such a forward-thinking and modern organization! SMILING is not just the extension of muscles, it is a MENTAL state! The state in which everyone is their MOST EFFICIENT!

[Pretty sure she's beyond processing anything beyond literal, at this point. Or really much of anything. Including fear.]

Okay. You believe in a smiling god, right?

What does your smiling god tell you to do if you meet another god that isn't smiling?

[That gets a bit of a head tilt, but Lauren's smile does not waver in the slightest.]

I am not at liberty to acknowledge the existence of other religious deities during work hours, but this IS America! We certainly can't tell someone what to do in their free hours!

[Which is why free hours should be ELIMINATED. VIOLENTLY. Who needs free time anyway?]

Edited 2014-05-31 14:00 (UTC)

And if I said you were acknowledging one by talking to them right now?

[This human was really strange. Even stranger than The Brat's followers.]

Interactions with individual Strex Corp representatives should not be taken as verification of existence or lack thereof! That would be SILLY!

[This is recited all in one breath, as if it's from a company handbook. It probably is.]

Buuuut since you're here, existing or not, I'd be TICKLED to show you around our studio! We absolutely ADORE visitors!

Except as an individual you're confirming I exist instead of dismissing me as your imagination.

[He's coming to conclusion that killing this woman would be a moral service, but he abstains.]

Fine fine. I suppose I can humor you. If for no other reason than maybe finding your god.

[If you kill her she'll probably just get back up again. Death is NO excuse to not finish your job!

She's pretty sure it's happened before... Anyway. Beaming wider, if possible, Lauren swings the door wide.]

The Smiling God doesn't usually visit on alternate Saturdays but that would be SUCH a treat! Come on in! Oh, and pardon the mess, Kevin's doing some redecorating!

[She pauses at the front desk, where a terrified intern hands over a badge.]

Just formalities! What name should we put on your Visitor pass?

[He's slowly getting to the point where that mindset wouldn't surprise him coming from her.]

I don't mind gore. I've eaten worse.

[He looks between the intern and Lauren.]

Baxter will suffice. It has been what I've been going around as lately.

[The interns eyes go wider. He twitches, perhaps considering hiding under the desk. As if that would do any good.

Meanwhile Lauren presents the guest badge. There's a suspicious smudge in place of a name.]

Great! Oh, and I'm Lauren Mallard, Program Director!

[She leads the way down the hall, chattering. Her sunny tone is in direct contrast with the squishing underfoot.]

So what brings you to the Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area?!

[He'll ignore the smudge and put on the badge.]

Well at first it was your communications with your mundane, but honestly I do enjoy eating angels. A shame they all left.

[The gore was boring more than anything. Her personality about all this is what he found strange.]

Really, I can't IMAGINE what she's so concerned about! Look at how much fun we're already having!

Well, she'll come around! We ALL do, eventually!

[There's a bit of a hitch in her step at "angels." The recovery is quick, and she raises a brow.]

That's fascinating! Of course angels don't exist, but what a unique solution to a theoretical pest control problem!

I'm guessing because Kevin has had to resort to decorating with the interns, but that's just a guess.

[He shrugs that one off.]

We can at least find some common ground that I have issues with their god. Yours might not have told you this, but we tend to call him The Brat because of how he tends to act. He's also fairly young in comparison.

[Well, Kevin ran out of Shauns! What else was he supposed to use? Oh no, her Mun is making those retching noises again. So distracting!

Lauren's smile doesn't diminish, but it grows a bit... sharper.]

Absolutely! It's just so frustrating when people - or gods, which Strex Corp doesnotofficiallyacknowledge - Just don't understand their place, isn't it? When there are others who are so much BETTER suited, but they just won't listen?

I certainly know about people not listening.

[Like you Lauren, things just fly right by you.]

So what did you do before you were a member of Strex Corp?

[Some of us never got up again.]

Wow, what an interesting question! It's just so great working for such an exciting and benevolent mega-corporation that I can't imagine ever doing anything else!

[She tries to yank open a door, which emits a cloud of purple smoke but remains locked.]

Whoops! Looks like that one's feeling cranky today!

[There's nothing there. Nothing. And hasn't been for years.

And the Nothing certainly isn't screaming.]

[He doesn't mind the screaming. Nothing about the environment really phases him.]

Okay maybe I should ask an easier question. How did you find Strex? or perhaps Strex found you?

Why does this remind me a little of Umbrella? [ Sherry's freaked which amuses the mun. ]

And really? Smiles? I'll pass, they remind me of corpses.

[Don't worry Sherry, that is a perfectly reasonable thing to be!]

I don't think that's a bad thing! A smile stays with your FOREVER, isn't that great?!

Wow, Umbrella? I'm SUCH a fan of their work, that's so NICE of you to say! I'll pass that on to Management!

[That's not a compliment, Lauren!]

[ Sherry is face palming forever here. ]

No. Not great!

And you're a psychopath. Wonder why they haven't sent Chris to put a bullet between your eyes yet. It's got to be on his list of shit to do.

And really if you're a fan of theirs so not a fan of mine thanks.

[The smile does not waver in the slightest.]

Gosh, I appreciate being ranked so highly on someone's To Do list! I know how incredibly busy people are these days! But guns are just so incredibly inefficient, don't you think? Why would we need weapons when StrexCorps generously provides all the behavior improvements anyone could need?

[Also, if you shot her, she would probably just get back up again. Being dead is just so incredibly counter-productive!]

[ Yeah, beyond freaking out as it is! ]

Think on what you just said lady. 'Cause the worlds fine without "Behavior Improvements".

[ Wouldn't be the first person to get up after getting shot around her. She'd just go look for a bigger gun and try again until ither something worked, or she's called in for a real job ]

. . .

You know, when you are right you are just so, so right. And would you look at all these new faces in this little...what did they call it? Games space? You know, I just love games, don't you? And meeting new people, oh, it's so much fun to think of all the new members of our Strex family.

But- oh, come on now, folks. Where are all your smiles? I think they might need some pointers, Lauren. Everyone looks so...

Tense.

Well HI Kevin! Good morning!

You know, it's a scientific fact that it takes less muscles to smile then frown? That means all that energy spent not smiling is just going to WASTE! It's energy NOT being used to work hard!

And waste is so... UNPRODUCTIVE!

Oooooh, I LOVE doing the Fun Fact Science Corner!

Oh, now WHAT'S that face for? You'd think it wasn't a beautiful sunny day outside with everyone wearing beautiful, sunny smiles!

I know! How about a cupcake?

[About to try another door, Lauren pauses and cocks her head.]

Oh you know, connections, past performances... randomly being dragged into a dark van outside of your grandmother's house...

[She shakes it off, and turns to straighten a picture of teeth. They're all of teeth.]

It's just one of those jobs where you wake up and feel like you've always been there!

[Since she's apparently talking to a god (albeit not an Officially Recognized one) maybe he knows what she's talking about?]

Yes, the world's fine, but who wants to settle for just FINE? It can always be BETTER!

I mean, look at this studio! It was fine, I guess, but look how much BETTER it is with the new decorations!

[She straightens a picture of teeth. They are ALL of teeth. Bright, shining teeth!]

I prefer fin, where people have a choice in what to do.

And really teeth? I think I prefer the stuffed animal heads Irons had around.

[ She thinks a moment and kicks the wall sending a few opictures crashing to the floor, catching the cool looking lighthouse one because really, it reminds hr of the cove she grew up in after leaving Raccoon. ]

~~So couldn't help that XD~~

[Mun applauds in background.]

[Lauren wrinkles her nose. Ugh, she can keep that one! Lighthouses, who even cares? However, the teeth look JUST as good in pieces, scattered across the floor! And that other suggestion...]

Animal heads are an EXCELLENT idea! There were so many extra deer corpses that I'm SURE we can scrounge a few of those together!

Wow, I am SO GLAD we brought you in as a consultant! What an excellent job you're doing! We'll have this place perfect in NO time!

[ Mun and Sherry both give her mun a thumbs up! ]

[ Sherry puts the picture back on it's hook and glares at Lauren.] ] I'm not here as a consultant. And follow me I'll kill you. Been a while since I've torn someone apart. [ She walks towards the door ]

[He certainly has a better idea of how this brainwashing goes.]

And I'm guessing that soon everyone in your town was working for Strex?

[Baxter started to run his hand along the wall as he noticed the paintings. If she looked back Lauren would see that the pictures would change from teeth to pictures of lighthouses as he touched them.]

Spreading like a happy little cancer.

[Lauren waves cheerfully - the only acknowledgement to the threat is showing a few more teeth.]

Well thanks for visiting! Just can't wait until next time!

[Because sooner or later, everyone goes to sleep!]

[ Sleep is for the weeeeeeaaaaaak! And Sherry's no longer human hasn't been since she was 13. Though she does have her son and daughter to worry about.... Not like that thought crosses her mind ]

I'm rooting for the cuties Cecil and Carlos by the way. Less creepy on the radio.

[ With that the door to the booth slams shut. ]

[Lauren's smile twists a bit. She hopes the janitors remembered to calibrate the doors correctly! It's so unfortunate when the doors open onto active lava fields!]

[She does not notice the lighthouses. She does. Not. The smile stays fixed, the steps maybe a tad sharper - or they would be, if the floor still weren't so wet!]

What a good analogy! You certainly have a way with words! Actually we strive for a 100% conversion rate, which is much more then any cancer you could name!

[Well he's not going to let her ignore them. He looks back at the pictures.]

Why are you afraid of lighthouses of all things?

[She continues walking. The smile may have slightly less teeth.]

Lighthouses are relics, unnecessary representations of our reliance on dated technology! People should be looking to the future of leadership, not cling to past!

[There are more pictures ahead. She refuses so much as a glance at any of them. Especially not to check and make sure none of them are blinking.]

They're hardly dated. Some of them have top of the line technology.

[Of course the moment she thinks that Lauren would have a blinking red light appear far down the hall. In fact the hall seemed longer than it was supposed to be.]

[Lauren wrinkles her nose at the light, and the lengthening hallway. Instead of fear, however, the smile seems to be tinged with... annoyance?]

Ugh, Maintenance must have forgotten to reset the temporal field again! That's going to take days to straighten out. I'm so sorry, our dimensional fluxes are usually much better organized then this!

[It's hard to tell if that's a real thing or the StrexCorp programming reacting to a reality shift.

In any case, this is no way to impress visitors! Obviously Maintenance needs to be re-educated again!]

WTNV: Channeling my inner morning talk-show host! :D

You know someone is freaky when they give a nighmare god the willies

:D

She's definitely the closest thing nightvale has had to an antagonist so I like her xD

I cannot stop smiling when I write her. Help. :D

XD I'm loving their interactions already.

OH GOOD

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