dear_mun | mild spoilers for 3.20

Entry tags:

canon: teen wolf

mild spoilers for 3.20

You know, I don't say this often, but I actually disapprove. And can you tell young people what to do these days? You can't. Also, you can't tell them who to do, or rather, who not to do, which is really much more important. I would've appreciated advice like that when I was ambiguously their age. Apparently.

What I'm saying here is that this is a tragic waste of all the amazing advice I have to give. You should let me get out a little more, this stuff, and maybe a few other things, needs to be spread around.

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I'm not sure you're the guy anyone would be looking to for advice, man.

Really? You astound me. But it turns out, there's this tradition of old people giving unwelcome advice all the time, even — especially — when nobody asked them for it.

Okay, that's great. I'm glad you're aware that your advice would have been unwelcome and immediately disregarded by pretty much anyone and everyone that knows you.

Wow, you're really hitting it out of the park today with the profound insights, Stiles. Is it a side-effect of murdering people, or is it from losing your virginity in the basement of a nuthouse?

Are you judging me right now? Seriously? I'm possessed. I'm not murdering people because I want to. That's what you do. And just so you know, the thing in the basement was an in the moment kind of thing and it's also a none of your business kind of thing so maybe judge a little quieter.

Well, I don't care if you kill people, but you do. Alternately, you're a monster doing a great job of pretending to be a neurotic teenager who doesn't want to kill people. Either way, congrats on killing people.

I don't want to kill people. You're enjoying this, aren't you? I guess that answers the question of whether your advice would have even been useful.

The fact you even considered the possibility I would have something helpful for you is kind of worrying, to be honest. Maybe you should get another MRI.

Hey, the Nogitsune could be a threat to you too. It's not completely unreasonable to think you might want it gone before starts screwing you over too.

But I guess you have your own thing going on at the moment, don't you? Are congratulations in order? I hear it's a girl.

So your brain hasn't completely degenerated, then. Yes, the situation doesn't completely suit my taste, for a number of reasons. But that doesn't mean I have any good advice for you, as you correctly concluded.

Hah, yes. About that...

Nah, forget it. None of my business.

I think I'd rather take pretty much anyone else's advice over yours anyway. You'd probably just tell me to hold still while you shove your claws into me like you did Jackson.

Yeah, because minding your own business is something you actually do. Ever.

That's not in fact what I'd advise you to do, but it's a little late for advice from anyone, isn't it?

Oh, please. At least when I try to get inside people's heads, I don't do it via trephination.

I don't know, man, Scott could probably come up with something that doesn't involve maiming or killing me.

Hey, that wasn't even me. That was Oliver and the Nogitsune.

I'm sure he could, as long as you don't stab him in the back before he gets around to it. Metaphorically speaking, I'm aware that the first time you stabbed him in the front.

That won't happen again. He'll know better than to trust me while this thing is still alive. He'll be more prepared. Besides, I'm sure he has a plan.

Yes, I'm sure everything will work out for the best, apart from the people who're already dead, and your dad's career.

I didn't say everything was gonna to be great once this is all over. I know people are dead because of me and that's never going to be okay. But I trust Scott to stop me before I destroy the town and every life in it.

Is that what you think it wants? I don't know about that. But it's none of my business and you wouldn't listen to my advice anyway.

Not gonna lie to you, Peter, but when I try and think of someone to get amazing advice from, your name isn't the first that pops into my head. [ Scott would rather go to Derek and that's saying something. ]

No? How about, "four letter passwords are very insecure, don't have them"? I think that's good advice.

[ Derek would never tell you that, Scott!! ]

How did you know I-- [ changed his password to Kira, oh my god ]

Shut up.

See, with an attitude like that, my advice would be wasted on you anyway. Which is a shame, Scott, because I know a lot of things. For example, how to use chopsticks.

[ don't you dare mention the wasabi, Peter! ]

Maybe I was pretending to not know how to use them so I'd get help from a cute girl?

[ yeah right. ]

[ Here, have yourself a judgmental look, Scott, with just a tinge of pity. Peter's brand of creepysuave is obviously a superior tactic. ]

Looking at you is like looking at all the mistakes of my life, summed up. Which is funny because I'm not your dad.

Between you and my dad-- [ except he's not his dad, he's a gene donor ] --I think it's gonna be a tie for the worst father of the year award. You might wanna prepare a speech.

I'm surprised, Scott. By your standards, isn't Malia's father the one who raised her? So I've done no parenting at all thus far. Hard to judge a complete non-performance against the stellar work of Agent McCall.

...You're right. [ For once. ] You're not her dad. You're just a gene donor. [ Totally projecting his daddy issues onto Peter here. ]

It's her choice whether she wants you to be a part of her life or not.

[ Yeah, it's practically palpable, Scott. Like you've draped a blanket over his head. The blanket of Father Issues. ]

You'll note, I hope, that I didn't say anything about it one way or the other. I'm sure my sister had her reasons for doing what she did...

[ Funny how it doesn't quite ring true, there. He has the tone of voice right and even the expression, but Peter is not at all happy about the situation. ]

... but that's not really important, is it? You've got a lot going on right now. Stiles seems to think you'll have a plan. How's that coming?

[ Can't they go back to talking about chopsticks? It was distracting him from thinking about how much his best friend is a murderer now. Well, not his best friend, that thing that's inside of him. ]

I'm working on it. [ That's all Peter will get out of him about that. ]

Ah, there's the Scott I know. Being the alpha's harder than it looks, isn't it? Everyone wants something different from you and they have a million ways to petition you -- or force you. Not everyone will be negotiated with and not everyone can be overpowered, and you can't fully trust the people on your side. You don't even know where they are half the time.

[ He grins unhelpfully. ]

Well, good luck with that.

I only know what it's told me, so yeah, you probably do know more about what it really wants than I do. But that doesn't mean any advice you have to offer is any good. You're not generally the most helpful dude in the world.

You know I help when I want to. The only question is whether I want to or not. The thing is, I don't really know how I feel about you sleeping with my daughter, so ...

[ He makes one of those indecisive, weighing the pros and cons hand gestures. ]

Woah, wait. I'm sorry, did you say daughter? Because that's what it sounds like you said and that can't be possible since, as you said, I was a virgin not that long ago.

Remember when you asked me how old I was and I gave you a pretty bullshit answer?

[ He shrugs in a way which seems to suggest he's a charming, harmless rogue who accidentally forgot about a kid he had, as opposed to, probably, a malevolent sociopath whom his sister decided was not fit to be involved with raising a kid OR WHATEVER, WE'LL SEE, THANKS TALIA. ]

By the way, it's really not my place but in my opinion, as a hideous chaos-causing multiple murdering nightmare monster who might end up dating my daughter ... welcome to the family!

I knew you were full of shit about your age.

[He finds absolutely nothing charming or harmless about you, Peter. Especially now that he knows he sexed up your daughter.]

Um... no thanks? I'm not sure how likely it is I'll end up dating her anyway considering she wants to be a coyote full time and I'm probably gonna be dead soon. But, uh, are you serious about the whole her being your daughter thing or are you just screwing with my head?

Wow, you really do not get girls, do you? I find it difficult to see the interest myself, but she does have a reason to stick around now.

Unlike Cora, mwah mwah.

[ Peter notices a lot of things because he's horribly inconvenient like that. Also, not even dignifying that last part with a response. As if he couldn't come up with a dozen better things than what would be a patently insincere that's my little girl!! ]

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mild spoilers for 3.20

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it makes me happy when you post jsyk

mutually truuue

♥

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