dear_mun | (no subject)

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canon: supernatural

(no subject)

No, listen: I'm done tip-toeing around this. You know I'm right, and-- hopefully Dean will see it too, eventually. And if you make me back off just because you're afraid of confrontation... You're just doing the same thing he is.

Like I said, I'm just trying to be honest.

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I don't think "afraid of confrontation" is the best way to put it, here.

[ They have plenty of confrontations, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. ]

She's the one afraid of confrontation, not me. And this isn't-- It doesn't have to be one. It can be a conversation.

[ yeah, right. ]

I don't really think we need to hash this shit out again, unless you're just dying to make sure I get it.

Well, do you? Because I know you. You'd do it all again, exactly the same.

Yeah, I would.

Listen, if I could have switched our positions, I would. I would have done the trials and everything else, but it didn't turn out like that.

And this is my whole point, Dean. This is why we have to keep hashing it out, because you're not listening.

No, I'm hearin' you loud and clear, Sammy.

[ he's just ignoring it, like a mature adult. ]

[ visibly contemplating strangulation. ]

Then what the hell, Dean. Do you really think what you want is so much better or right? Are you really trying to say you know best, even when it's my life?

[ cuz you know who that sounds like. you know exactly who sam's thinking about. ]

[ no jury in the world would convict you unless it was made up of people from tumblr. ]

I don't think I'm the only person in the world who isn't just gonna be okay with the idea of you giving up.

[ when you have to resort to becky's people, you know your argument is shaky. ]

I wasn't giving up! Everyone has their time, no one lives forever. We've seen what happens when people try. It was my time, man. I know how hard it is to hear that, but it was.

[ a breath. ] I saw Death, you know.

It wasn't your time, Sam! As long as there's still a way, it's not anyone's time.

[ He scoffs at the mention of Death. ]

Yeah, doin' you a real solid, showing up like that.

Your way was to trick me into getting an angel to possess me. The time before that, Cas pulled me out without my soul. The time before that, you sold your soul and went to hell! These aren't solutions; they're not even compromises. How am I supposed to feel about you both doing these things to me?

[ not for him; to him. he's finally being honest about that too. ]

I'm not saying you ought to get on one knee and thank us, Sam. We're doing the best we can with the shit hand we got dealt.

[ justify justify justify ]

[ worse than a brick fucking wall. he tries another tactic. ]

Fine. Okay. I get that. But we're talking about this now because I want to make it clear: I don't want you to save me like this again. Cas healing me? Fine. But anything like Gadreel, or demon deals, or any of that crap? I am asking you -- Dean, look at me.

[ He wants Dean to lie to his face, and yeah, okay, so sometimes he does that but he can't, not here. Dean's mouth opens and shuts and he looks away until Sam orders his eyes back. He can't stop from bristling up. ]

You want me to make a promise I can't keep, Sam.

Sam.

[And just that, for now. It's not the best start he could give, but will have to do for now. It's painful to watch the Winchesters like this, even if Sam is right. If only one would be less inclined to give his life, and the other less inclined to cling to the same life.

But it's a fight Castiel can't assist with, one these two need to fight all on their own, with each other.]

They rarely do as we wish, these... mundanes.

It sounds like you have the right idea.

( whatever it is he's talking about. not that she's curious or anything. )

Dean. [ he hadn't meant his voice to crack; he thought he was about to yell. ] You're telling me I can't trust you to respect my decision. Can you see why I might want space from that?

No, you're telling me to give a shit about all the way up until the point where I could actually do somethin' about it, and then you're telling me to screw off. That's like takin' you to the friggin' hospital and telling them to not fix you.

[ no, with a side of no, an extra helping of no and an order of NO!! to go. ]

We were at the hospital, and they tried to fix me! It was my time, and I didn't see you pulling this kind of ridiculous crap when it was Bobby in a hospital bed. Even Dad. Why is it--

At least she understands. She doesn't want to see us fighting, but she gets why. Dean, though, I don't know if he'll ever get it.

I didn't say he was the hospital, Sam, I said it was like one. It was a way to fix things.

[ and oh, he takes that last bit entirely the wrong way, squaring his shoulders, hands fisted like he's ready for a fight. He takes it like Sam's implying that he didn't care about Sam, didn't care about Dad, and that's bullshit. ]

We didn't have half as many options then as we do now, so don't- [ Dean grits his teeth together near audibly, breathing out. ] I woulda done anything I could've but it's not like I had an angel right there to help them.

[Castiel would like to have faith in Dean, but... Well. He does tend to make it oh so difficult.]

He might learn.

[Given time that they don't have.]

[ you've come to the right place for a fight, because sam is bristling, raising his voice in a way he only does with his pain-in-the-ass brother. ]

Fix things? You think this [ he gestures to himself ] is fixed? When's the last time our plans ever went well? At least my death would've done some good. What do I get from being alive, huh? More memories of watching people die? Of-- killing my friends?

I think it's a helluva lot better than you dead.

[ And he's going to take the loss of Kevin out on Gadreel's hide, don't you dare doubt that. ]

And I- I told you that's not on you. That's on me, Sam, every goddamn thing is on me, not you.

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