A rant and request for some love on bakerstreet memes

[aaron_agate]

This is fucking great. I go from being miser of the year to rolling in shit to do, with approximately zero space in between! Thanks mun, no really, thank you.

Did you know, other muns, or other characters -- fuck this I don't fucking care who's reading this grand opus -- that I've been around for ten years? TEN FUCKING YEARS. I'm TEN YEARS OLD MOTHERFUCKERS! GIVE ME A GOD DAMNED CAKE! (With a car in. Or maybe a stripper. MAYBE TEN STRIPPERS. SURPRISE ME!) Do you know how much of that time I have been sitting in a box getting zilcho love and attention? I'm a needy, whiny bitch MUN FUCK THE FUCK RIGHT OFF NOW, DON'T YOU START.



Since I can't say it. Don't judge my throat clearing.

Ahem. I have been stuck in a box (dick jokes here) for it's gotta be about 70% of the time. For those who cannot extrapolate the data, that would be a solid

SEVEN YEARS

I don't give a shit about your graduating, moving across the country, getting full time work and sparkly mun healing changeo powerup scenes. I've been wanting out and about.

So, clappers, mun. You did it! And for all my stunted growth, a three-year-old character in a ten-year-old fantastic brainbeast-figure, I'll keep being my amazing self if you just reply your goddamned fingers off. Alright? Okay?

Now I've got a shopping list, see if you can't chop chop and get that filled for me, lovely meaty sack-lass.

Me and Kay or KTFE or whatever the fuck you want to call that cinderpile fuckapuss -- keep doing that. You've assumed direct control of her mun, or whatever you want to call a ~relationship~ so you've got access. Just keep at that. You know why. (Here's where this can be used appropriately: ">3" and fuck I hate teenager-origin'd smilies but what the hell.)

Keep looking for fine and dandy people over at that bakerstreet place. (Another rant for another day: why are all the fucking amazing people in my life ones that come from media that isn't their mun's brains? Do you know how fucking awkward it is to be the one OC at the ball? I feel like a motherfuckin' Disney Princess -- fuck nevermind that analogy is going sideways.) Just whatever you do, if there's someone I like fucking about with, don't go and leave them hanging on me, huh? I don't give a shit that it's a memeing community. I give as little a shit again that others are going to piss off in the middle of my soliloquizing. Sure it's memes, nobody says anything to anybody. All the more reason to make it stick when it works, huh? Huh?

This me and Fa thing is pretty much over with. SURPRISE, I don't much care for her, she ran off with a good chunk of my proverbial leg, wormed her way into K's heart with her saccharine style to fuckin' spite me, tried to worm her way back into mine. Nope. Done with it. She can have her life, I'm not gonna bitch slap her for doing her thing with K, but I'm through trying to make nice. Don't steer her near me, huh?

(Oh alright, here: DUBCON TW AHEAD. FUCK IT I'M ON YOUR SIDE ALREADY DON'T FUCKING SHIT ON MY NIPPLES ABOUT SURPRISE HATING THE SAME THING YOU DO!)

And for fuck's sake, don't drop me in the_love_hotel again. I got problems with their operating system and the bitches ain't one. The first time was kinda alright with Rangiku (aka Miss Lovely Jubblies 2012 and onward I'm sure) but I don't meet & fuck. I'm a classy gentleman who deserves respect and the sight of a touch of ankle before I'm gonna whip my extremely handsome red shaft of power out and go chasing maidens around an enclosed building. Fuck that. Fuck the aphro, fuck the sick fuck themes. Go fuck yourself, hotel, I'm not gonna join in on your "oh but I was drugged" games anymore. Anyone wants this body it's gonna be because I'm a sweet piece of ass and they know it!

Fuck!

Alright, so that rant's done. All of you that are still here, shower me in praise and affection given my extremely geriatric state of ten fucking years. I might add you to my will! Show me the love.

Comments

[ktfe]

HEY.

You know what this little rantypoo made me realize?

I'm twice as old as you, motherfucker!

(she gets to cackling and dancing around, both middle fingers raised)

[aaron_agate]

You fucking cradle robbing sonovabitch!

[Complete awe and consternation]

You're still my cinderpile fuckapuss, oh elderly matron, the most wrinkled cunt in the land!

[ktfe]

You watch your mouth, bucko, or I'll good and proper cinderpile your fuckapuss and we'll be a matched set! You gigantic lanky baby.

[onceasheep]

...

*Okay, he'll clap a few times.*

Congrats on the milestone. But from this angle I'm not so sure if your ass is sweet yet.

*Saionji pointedly starts peering at his hips.*

[dohremi]

:C But I like you. I never tried to spite you, I just like her too. You never gave me the benefit of the doubt, did you?

[aaron_agate]

You can watch my mouth with your face if you want, oh she of the cunt as dry as the darkest pit of sulphur in hell!

[ktfe]

(she takes his illustrious advice and leaves the insults, latching onto his cheek like a lamprey. Hmm, not quite a kiss. :| )

[aaron_agate]

Did I not just mention that I require at least one inch of ankle before I take on the form of the relentless nymphomaniac?

Jeezus Fuckaroo, What do I have to do around here to be taken seriously!? Fuck!

You know you're the third teenaged prickabitch to go old-goating after me?! In as many days?! I may look like an irresistable fuck machine but I have my priorities, god damnit!

[Complete lack of mention that they share at least the fact that they're playing at being human, though Agate is noticeably strutting his stuff as he rants. A real winner, this one; crossed wiring from here to timbuktu!]

[aaron_agate]

Don't you fucking start with me, splooshbot McGee; this isn't the time or the place. For one fuck you, airing dirty laundry in public -- you share a mun you don't fucking go venting back and forth all over the fucking internet. It just isn't done. Are you completely daft or does the entirety of your mental capacity inhabit your glisteny wet panty-pucker?

I played along just fine and all you managed to do was rip the rug out from under me, take center place in not one, not two but three AU's. Fuck that! Fuck you! Go lick your entire pack of pussies, I'm through!

[aaron_agate]

Qanay fucking vIneH!

[ktfe]

Luq!

(She's wrapped herself around him now, cackling,) I mean really, as far as I knew we already were? (she's wearing the watch now visibly, where a moment before it'd just been hidden in her skin.)

[ktfe]

Also just FYI you got the gendered usage wrong there, bucko, unless you're Fa in drag!

[dohremi]

Ugh, Ugh! Why are you so inescapably scabrous? You're never this awful when there's actually a settled plot! Why do you have to revert to being an ugly undisciplined five year old when you have nothing else to do but twiddle your hands and congratulate yourself?

Look, mister, you can cite dirty laundry all you want, but the truth of the matter is that you only listen to people when it's down in words and you can't go back without being outed as the giant hypocrit that you invariably are! So listen here: A truce offering isn't a truce if you continue to vent your petty jealousy to anyone who will listen for years and years after the fact!

Deal with the fact that KTFE isn't your personal property, and the fact that I'm not either. You can't get what you want in life just because you think it should be yours. Sometimes you have to share and you'd be a better person if you thought on that for a while!

[aaron_agate]

((AUGH WHY DIDN'T I SEE THAT?! *crafty-edits*

eta: FUCK ME I CANNOT DO IT. DAMN BLAST PICKLESHITS!))

[aaron_agate]

Twice over, right? Fuck that, bite me harder next time.

[fuckit, let's get real. Agate gave her the pocket-watch with a kernel of his soul, and then let her char the corporeal-ish part of his being into ash for the sake of her elemental origins. Trusting her to rekindle him is about as close to matching petty human traditions surrounding marriage. At least they're back to minor violence rather than the all-consuming stuff. Agate probably wouldn't be able to handle another whole-being consumption. That shit changes a man!]

[aaron_agate]

[He stands back, arms crossed as Fa actually gets the balls to vent what's on her mind.]

Wow, splooshbot, Didn't think you had any bite in you. Too bad you've only got practice in nibbling.

I don't care care about property, you idiot. You were never meant to get out from under me, and the way you did so was rude as fucking shit. You've got a pretty good chunk of my fucking memories and experiences and you've gone and perverted them -- polluted them -- with your own... je ne sais quoi spiritual kernel garbage.

The point of the fucking matter is this: If you're going to make a fucking break for it, make it a clean break. You should have scarpered the fuck off but you keep coming back. How do you think I feel about that? Are you completely, ineffably fuckered or do you just put your dick face on to remind me of how much I loathe you?

[ktfe]

(Well that was part of why he'd let her, wasn't it? In any case when she got nibbly now, she just played with his new fancy ley lines -- like now, nibbling up his shoulder and following an invisible K-friendly channel through him.)

Tempt me, assface. (Actually, he didn't even need to do that. She ceremoniously bit his other cheek, hard enough to leave marks, and then grinned at him.)

[dohremi]

[She looks inconsolably hurt for a moment, but her lips thin to a slash of firm resolution.]

I don't know why you always revert to that. 'Loathe'. I think it means you're afraid. You said it yourself: you don't get as much screen time as you want, but that's not fair -- you get inordinately more than I do, you just resent the fact that you don't get every last drop. And... I'm not going to just pack my bags and leave. KTFE is special to me. She validates me just fine; if it weren't for her I'd be rattling around in here with no one but you to talk to. It's inevitable that we're going to share space, you jerk...

So maybe you don't have to like me, but you need to be realistic that you can't have everything. I'm not planning on taking over. So...

So you can just suck it.

[She pouts, sheepish to be brought down to his level.]

[aaron_agate]

You're really going to pounce me full frontal style in front of hot-tot-bot and splooshbot McGee, huh?

[Agate grabs Kay by the hair at the nape of her neck and pulls her away, allowing the ridiculously trite leylines of fire she's laid into him to flare to a gentle glow. (Let's be completely opaquely mary sue now, why don't we?)]

I ought to scruff you and punt you out back to hose you off, you little sexfiend.

[aaron_agate]

Oh ho! Well you're the expert on that.

Fuck you, you incestuous little pricklet, you can whine and moan about getting the dregs but that fact of the matter is that you're a trite little slut without morals or purpose.

[dohremi]

[Thaaaat gets him a slap. Fa's not the slappy sort. She's been known for her gregarious, gentle, loving self. But sometimes... sometimes when someone is just such a horrifically atrocious asshole who can't be reasoned with, it is extremely hard to help onesself.]

You hypocritical asshole.

Why are you...

How do you...

[She's lost the steely edge, is all watery-eyed hurt again. Before he has a chance to put his foot further in his mouth she makes a bolt for it, covering her face with her hands and trying not to sob.]

[aaron_agate]

[The sigh he lets loose is explosive, completely annoyed with the entire situation. His hand doesn't leave the side of his face where it's turning a bright shade of red.]

You're so fucking good at making me look like the bad guy.

[Not that she's around to hear that.]

Dear fucking mun: gimmee a do-over some time, huh? That was shitty as balls and I did not mean for it to go that fucking way. Now look at this mess.

[ktfe]

Hey! Did I not read that correctly? (she points up) Did I not witness the trite-as-fuck ten-year-old smileyface of Boner Time? Anyways, that was romance!

(she cackles. Klingon-style romance, in any case. Squirming in his grip, she looks down.)

Anyways I give no shits about Kiddy Assmaster there, and... (now frowning, as she realizes,) hey, stop picking on Fa. :|

[ktfe]

(Her alarm grows as the thread with Fa does)

Hey! What the hell, that is not cool!

[onceasheep]

*Oh, oh, good job. His temper has been ignited.*

What the hell?! I just meant that I needed a good look first! Clothed! I don't fucking CARE if you're a nympho or not! And I don't fucking care if you need "an inch of ankle" to want to jump me! At this point, I'd punch the shit out of you if you even tried!

Can't I just appreciate how you look? And what the fuck does "old-goating" mean anyway?!

*Saionji can't tell that he's talking to someone like him.*