Voicetesting! Canon is Psych.

[littleblonderiddle]

Magic castles, foreign planets and sex islands? Seriously? This is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Actually, no, maybe not the weirdest, but it makes the top five. Look, I'm glad that you're excited – I think – but don't you have enough on your plate already? Wouldn't want you to get overwhelmed. Besides, I have a job to do and... pets. Who's going to feed the poor things if I'm stuck in some crazy alternate universe? And who's going to keep Carlton from shooting Shawn? You should consider that.

Okay, I admit that the idea of actually meeting some pretty iconic people sounds kind of awesome, but-- Oh, wow. You just pulled that card. You don't fight fair.

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[psychouts]

Jules. Jules Juliet O'Hara. Juliet of the O'Haras. Give me some credit. As a man who has recently experienced some reluctant, mostly unconscious personality development, I've had to give a lot of thought to my future. Specifically having one. So rest assured, should Lassiefrass' hair-trigger control finally snap and he fires one of his many terrifyingly well-hidden weapons at me...

Gus and I have been practicing certain maneuvers. For example, the Wounded Duck Fall. And his least favorite, the Human Shield.

[littleblonderiddle]

Trust me, Shawn, I really would love to believe that your sense of self-preservation was more pronounced sometimes, especially when guns are involved. Somehow I think I'll stay unassured for a while longer, just in case.

By the way, any maneuver that has the word "wounded" in its name? Doesn't exactly inspire a whole lot of confidence.

[psychouts]

Now I know I've never been the most responsible of men. I signed that and all other -ible adjectives over to Gus at a very young age. But I'll have you know that there are organizations interested in the preservation of this self's body so while you may doubt me, you should not doubt the Smithsonian to whom I will bequeath my body and Vidal Sassoon to whom I will bequeath my hair.

And that's harsh, Jules. The venerable mountain monks who taught us those moves will have some very harsh things to say about you on their Facebook. Don't worry, they'll also say you've got hair of spun gold while they lambast you for your non-confidence-having. I made sure to mention that whenever I talked about you. I'm pretty sure they think your full name is Jules Withhairofspungold. They think you're Norwegian, probably.

[littleblonderiddle]

To be fair, it's only a part of you that I doubt. Namely the impulse control part, and your lack of it. And though I'm not surprised about the Smithsonian, I think that Vidal Sassoon may have Patrick Dempsey in line before you. Sorry.

Spun gold, huh? Why, Shawn, I had no idea you had such poetic tendencies. Well, in that case I probably shouldn't risk the online wrath of these fabled monks, those things can get ugly. I'll be sure to post a cute picture of a baby animal on their wall as an apology - maybe a bunny. I'll even throw in a friend request on Farmville.

[psychouts]

So it's a non-part of me that you doubt. Which means you have faith in all of me. That gets me here, Jules. In my cardiochestal area. I'll even ignore that implication about Dempsey being my coiffurish superior. Superior in coiffure? Coiffperior?

I did ghostwrite most of Gus' love letters all throughout high school. A year or two in college. Even just last month, to that attractive lady neighbor of his. And that's a wise move, Jules. Those monks can get pretty vicious. The corrupting influence of the Internet, you know.

[littleblonderiddle]

I really hate it that not only did you turn that mostly unflattering statement of your character completely upside down, you also made it sound perfectly reasonable. Now that's a talent, Shawn. Though the Dempsey thing wasn't meant as just an implication, no matter what your cardiochestal area says.

Hmm. So, technically you're a contributing reason as to why Gus rarely has any game? Yeah, I should have figured that.

[psychouts]

What can I say? My specialty is finding the silver lining of a dark cloud and then reversing that cloud so that mostly you see the lining on the outside so it's all silver and gleaming. Then everyone goes like "Where's the cloud?" and then someone will go "Shawn fixed it." and then I'd take a well-deserved bow and bask in the silvery sunny day that I made possible.

Have I thoroughly distracted you from your inexplicable and cruel Dempsey allegiance? Because that cloud thing has a sequel.

Eh, contributing reason... primary reason... to-may-to, to-mah-to.

[littleblonderiddle]

As always, your modesty is overwhelming. And yes, mission thoroughly accomplished. I apologize; your hair is wonderful, really. I'll even write a very positively worded letter about it to Vidal Sassoon myself if you spare me from this cloud sequel. It would be a win-win situation, I think.

...For some strange reason, I sometimes suspect that you're actually an awful best friend, Shawn. Go figure.

[psychouts]

I do like your worded letters, Jules, positive or not. Your police reports? A thing of beauty that is a joy forever.

Hah! And let me repeat that again because I don't think that conveyed the proper amount of scornful scorn that I think that horribly untrue statement deserves - Hah! in bold and italics. Say that again to the `Best Best Friend Forever Forever` mug that Gus bought for me as a gift. He debated getting me a t-shirt with that same slogan on it but he decided against it and went for Wrestlemania tickets.

[ ok shawn may or may not have bought all of those things but it was with gus' credit card so technically! they're from gus ]

[littleblonderiddle]

I'm happy to hear it. Producing pretty police reports was the aspiration that made me attend the Academy in the first place, you know.

Ah, so Gus took the precious time he could have spent on his actual job just to search for merchandise that says something as dubious as "Best Best Friend Forever Forever" on it? I hope the disbelief in that sentence was loud and clear. [ Please, Shawn. She knows how you work by now. ]

And scornful scorn? You're being a bit redundant today, Shawn. Must be an off day, or maybe you're coming down with something.