❀ Everything unspoken ❀ (
resisting_this) wrote in
dear_mun2012-02-18 08:19 pm
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(no subject)
There's no shame in an individual deferring to his duties above all else. Everyone harbors responsibilities of his own; so I fail to think an explanation on your abscence would fall on deaf ears.
Yes, incessant excuses can bestow the wrong assumption. And it's true they might even turn the conversation stale. Even still- keep in mind that they are, at the very least, a reply.
Refraining from any return of words remains a response in of itself. One which carries a weight of meaning equal to anything spoken.
Remember that, next time someone is waiting on the other end and you decide postponing action until it suits you best.
Yes, incessant excuses can bestow the wrong assumption. And it's true they might even turn the conversation stale. Even still- keep in mind that they are, at the very least, a reply.
Refraining from any return of words remains a response in of itself. One which carries a weight of meaning equal to anything spoken.
Remember that, next time someone is waiting on the other end and you decide postponing action until it suits you best.

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Fair's fair, Commander. Set an example, toughen it out.
[ ...yes, he sings something: a short mountain tune about a shepherd and his lady love, which dissolves into whistling towards the end. There are things, many things that Klaus can do - but sadly, holding a proper note is not one of them. ]
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...
[ Funnily enough, as coarsely sung as that melody might have been- it executes the task of blanking out Taki's every thought with a swiftness rivaling any sweetly sung spell. Speechless and without real thought behind the matter he impulsively falls upon a soft recital of the lyrics; his words gradual and with a hint of question in their tone. Eventually they build, not quite near the middle, until he's returning the song for the sheer sake of learning this small piece of Klaus and committing it to memory. Voice still reluctant to raise to even normal capacity even as the tune begins to grow comfortable on his lips. Where Klaus had whistled Taki instead decides to hum; steadily less certain of his choice of reply as silence creeps up in place of the song itself. ]
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(This man. This man sings it, and there's a war, and he'll send boys to die tomorrow, or within the hour, and now he's singing about sheep.)
Klaus' free hand comes to hover in a line trailed between the very tip of Taki's nose and his lips. There, the searching finger tries to tap the lower lip in a gesture stuck somewhere between stilted appreciation and playfulness. ]
Show-off. If army life one day no longer suits you, we'll have to pack you up for a Conservatory.
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So here the commander sits. A leader of thousands; harbinger of strength, faith and direction for his men. Yet he remains a man, nonetheless. One hushed all too easily, simply, by nothing more spectacular than the bridging of a touch between Klaus to himself. ]
Even now- you still aim to convince me there are other lives I should be living, elsewhere?
[ They've had this conversation before, where Klaus imagined a different path for him. In the present it may be a joke, a thoughtless ounce of jestful small talk perhaps, but the words are still spoken. Despite their lack of urgency the idea is still very much the same as it had been before. A lifetime ago, if not in actuality then at least in how distant and unreachable that time feels when recollection grasps for the memory. ]
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Cute. Charming. Innocent. In some part, his. ]
I'm saying you can't tell where life will take you or what you're capable of doing under certain circumstances.
[ Like leaving everything. Leaving your country, your family, your fealty. Leaving everything, for something most men would call a flight of fancy. Leaving for, God help you, love. ]
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It would be hypocritical if I were to deny the honesty of your words. So you have my agreement on that much. It's true that few have prior comprehension of just how far their capabilities extend.
[ A beat. ]
Or what, exactly, some situations might bring them to do.
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Klaus pulls away, possibly still a measure too close, probably knowing it. ]
That's right. Desperate times and...
[ Too much cheek in his smile. Too much warmth. ]
Done anything desperate lately?
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[ Immediately defensive, on alarm. He looks less like a man without guilt and more like someone who is protesting unnecessarily and with more vigor than the innocent would proclaim.
Klaus knows all of his impulsive, urgent and thoughtless actions. Down to the dates they occurred. The times of day. Each and every location. It makes little difference if the part Taki played was far less along the lines of committing anything so much as conceding to it.
Asking a question like this feels much less like a question of the present than it feels like a blatant callback to events only they are privy to. ]
What a ridiculous thing to ask.
[ Hastily. Quickly. Some worthless collection of words, senselessly added to pad and further cement the 'factual' nature of his lie. Wasn't this desperate enough? Their conversation, the pull between them. The pair themselves. Pitiful and willing to a degree that should surely satisfy the terms of what that word means. ]
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Taki now is what a map looks like before they plot siege: a perfect picture of promise, frustrations, indelible danger and, upon conquest, rewards beyond compare.
This is also when an officer worth his salt knows to tread lightly. ]
Don't lie.
[ Somewhat barked out, but sometimes Taki only answers to orders. ]
Your shirt was drenched in my blood that morning. That -
[ The emphasis comes not without bite, taunting. ]
- love, was desperate.
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Klaus had missed that evening's most important act, one where anguish of only the most blind and overwhelming degrees had truly saturated every fiber of Taki's being. Screaming, begging, praying within his heart to everything and anything holy for the return of something, one thing, which he couldn't relinquish to any.
If Klaus could only have seen exactly how his proud commander had thrown himself down like a marionette with cut strings; hunched over him in the dirt and blood and black of night. To witness Taki's face, disbelief cracking every edge of a once pristine mask, once eyes fell upon a body so impossibly still- then he'd have known what it meant to be desperate.
If linens stained to rust with the tinge of old blood was Klaus' greatest boast- Taki should think himself lucky. ]
Why ask for answers when you already have them?
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Somehow, Taki's played a card to switch the power balance between them in a single strike, and with a nod and a half amused smile, Klaus almost wants to add - Well done.
Instead, he makes to (finally) look for his cigarettes. ]
Don't plan to work the back of your hand on me for the endearment?
[ Taki - far too much practice has shown Klaus - has perfected his slap. ]
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It's a double-edged sword which rakes through flesh and bone, leaving behind the kind of invisible ache which only a familiar wound can. Enough that maybe the bite of a well-landed hit would have risen to mind as his first reaction. But not now. Not while Klaus baits him to retaliate in precisely that way.
He retaliates without hesitation; giving nothing but a gradual tilt of chin to suggest his defiance. Showing this is, indeed, a counterattack. ]
...I have yet to hear anything which sounds remotely near to that nature.
[ Even the word Love is no exception when it's spat out like a curse. The nature of it's delivery? Well, that leaves it fair game to become excluded from any right to be called an 'endearment'. Besides, isn't it a term better left for use by those who rightfully declare themselves lovers? ]
Striking you for something you haven't said would be pointless.
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But there are ways - a little crude and rash and cunning - to jolt Taki out of his comfort zone. And sometimes he doesn't mind resorting to dirty weapons that find his lover susceptible.
His voice comes down to a drawled whisper. ]
Suppose I don't mind your hand on me. The weight's good, the skin's smooth. Nice and easy. Clean, strong strokes. You know what to do with it.
[ A measuring glance. ]
...when you discipline. Sir.
1/2
So instead of words Taki just makes a choking sound- struggling on his own air. He spends too long trapped there. Half a heartbeat, caught, as uttered words turn into unconscious, instantaneous visualization and then flesh and blood recollection. Finally shame. ]
...
2/2
I won't stand here and listen to this trash if that's all you have to say.
[ Unafraid. Burning with rage. He meets Klaus' gaze without a second thought. Close enough to reach out- to land a blow equal to these scathing words; but he refrains. ]
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Surprised you heard that.
[ There's a cigarette out. Lit. A few drags follow. He'll enjoy them. Tobacco and Taki Reizen's single-minded attention. Fucking sweet..
His mind's going cold. Objective. Rational. There's only one standing truth in this mess of a situation, and it's at times like this that it shows its head most. ]
...say. You're beautiful.
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You may not be an idiot- but you certainly seem to enjoy acting like one when it suits you.
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Afterwards, daring impunity is no more than an act of routine: he picks out another cigarette carefully, brings it up for lighting - then seems to consider, freezing with it hanging limply in his mouth. Looks up. Maybe sighs in resignation. ]
You're serious about the cigarette ban?
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You're only now beginning to understand that?
[ The words are quiet in level and smooth in the place of sharp, reprimanding intonation. He knows this imposed rule is stealing something important away from the other man. Taki is selfish; that much is known well and good. He won't pretend otherwise. Neither will he balk about this. ]
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A man can hold hope.
[ His head shakes slowly, golden hairs in the way - he peels stuck threads one by one off his forehead. Haircut. He'll need to see a fellow with clippers about a bloody haircut. How damnably - domestic. ]
All right. No cigarettes. Anything else the commander would like to prohibit me, while we're on that matter?
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The cigarettes are enough.
[ So, as much as it remains a pitiably poor exchange- Taki tries to offer something else to keep Klaus' head above water. Some touch of humanity which he's so often denied. ]
You won't be able to trim it decently with your shoulder, and I imagine barbering is the last thing on anyone's mind right now.
[ Small talk. Excuses. Frivolous little reasons to permit a reason for why Taki's hand changes course and wipes away the remaining bits of Klaus' bangs still persistently clinging to his skin. ]
Still..I can cut it.
[ A peace offering; even if peculiar. He may be a particular type of nobility among his people- but getting hands dirty or completing tasks like this for siblings or himself are more than possible. ]
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Then withdraws simply. ]
Don't think it'd be wise for you to go touching the dog so much.
[ No bitterness there, no small reproaches. He makes no self-delusions about his own control, the lack thereof, the well-nigh-tragedy where last that took them. His promise. His promise that could so easily break, because damn Taki and damn his eyes and damn his hands. (And kiss all three). ]
Might be he's got fleas.
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The endless push and pull makes Taki nauseous. Hits him in the gut and roots itself there like he's a man who just can't find his footing. His hand swings away, falls without the effort of grace, as if it knew all along that it's aim was futile. ]
I've been bitten by worse things.
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He can pretend not to see arrogance, relish in Taki's anger, treasure his smiles. But he can't for the life, and likely the early death of him take a Taki who seems defeated.
He covers the distance between them in the only way gestures of mad extravagance can be executed: fast step, confident, no ado about anything. Never mind this will cost him a kick in the shin, or a slap against his face, or his liquor along with his cigarettes. He captures - there's no room in their lives for something sweet like an embrace - Taki in his arms, holds tightly. Tighter. ]
I'll tear him apart for you, if one snaps at your fingers again. How's that?
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...
[ He shouldn't let those arms go around him. He hasn't earned the right for this; stealing another piece of this man away. But Taki will, in the face of everything, still take it. Hold on. No matter that his hands remain fists, clutching not for the sake of rage but to steel himself- to remind that he can give nothing grander than the act acceptance. He can keep this moment. And breathe. ]
Alright.
[ Heaven help him if he moves. If he breathes too quickly. Because even too many words seem like a danger to disrupt whatever compels arms to encircle Taki and wrap him up in the center of their hold. One tight and close enough to the other man that he forces eyes to shut just so they don't deceive him over the reality of the precious few seconds this may last. ]
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