dear_mun | (no subject)

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No, you know what? No. This doesn't get to happen right now, and let me tell you why. I have a whole laundry list, we could be here for hours. But I'm guessing your attention span is like mine, so I'll give you the "I cheated off of Lily Evans' notes" version.

One: You don't get to ask me to come out when you're also playing that DICK. Fine, so back home I wouldn't know who in the hell he was. But having to share space with him? Not happening. It just isn't.

Two: Still, you're playing that bastard. And considering what said bastard has done to ~~Reggie~~ ~~my family~~ everyone I know? You do realize what you're asking is akin to betrayal, or torture, or...something equally horrible?

Three: Do you even have the time for me? Let me tell you, I've both been there, and done that. And I don't have to put up with you for sixteen years by proxy, mate. I'll tell you what I told Prongs years ago: get your shit sorted, and then we'll talk. Worked out well enough for him, why can't it for you?

It just isn't happening. Let it go.

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[The exchange is enough to have Sirius abandon all pretense of pretending like this is all something it isn't. Like he doesn't care, like the detachment was as easy as he constantly tries to make it look. He's furious, and being impassioned makes it a lot harder to lie.]

YOU COULD HAVE COME WITH ME!

[He has to take a small step back at that, it's so loud. Regulus winces for a moment, his hands falling to his sides and balling into fists, before he just scowls.]

And you could have stayed.

[He practically spits it out.]

Not with that bloody yapping cow! Sitting around and pretending like we're above this? Like nothing's wrong because it doesn't touch us is just as bad, and--

Reg, I couldn't.

Fine.

[Another step back, creating more distance between them. Regulus' gaze flicker away from Sirius, down to the floor, just a split second of weakness, before he takes a deep breath.]

Then go.

[Go right now, leave and don't you dare come back, because he can't deal with this anymore. A small part of him says it hurts too much, but really, honestly, he's just angry.]

[GODDAMN IT, REGULUS, THAT ISN'T WHAT HE WANTED! Not that he meant to open up at all, mind. It does hurt too much, but it's happened, and it's out in the open now. He isn't sure what he expected. Maybe remorse was too much. And they're Blacks, forgiveness is out of the question before it's even an option. But a small part of him expected something, even if he isn't sure what. But it isn't this.

He reels back, just as angry now, and finally swings that punch in retaliation.]

JUST LISTEN, YOU PRAT, I'M TRYING TO--

[Trying to what, Sirius? Apologize? Rationalize? He stops short, not sure what he means. But he's trying! He's very trying!]

[It actually catches Regulus by surprise- he'd honestly, somehow entertained the notion that Sirius would tuck off like a dog, done with the conversation.

Instead, he gets Sirius' fist in his cheekbone, and he stumbles back and actually, embarrassingly, falls. It's more out of surprise than anything, but he can't really defend himself with that when his ass and hands hit the dirt.

He takes a deep, shuddering breath, before gingerly touching the sore spot on his cheek. Ow, you fucker.]

I've been listening! I'm a terrible person and an awful brother and I'm stupid and I make the wrong decisions because you're perfect and can do no wrong. Sound about right?

[Aiming a kick at one of Sirius' legs while he's down there. Fucker.]

[Regulus, you realize kicking someone in the shins, or trying to, isn't exactly the most effective tactic when you're falling on your own ass? The laugh MOSTLY catches in his throat, but it's there all the same. Regulus looks like an idiot, and...okay it's more satisfying than he wants to admit.]

No. Perfection requires too much effort, and I enjoy my free time. In a myriad of sordid, naughty ways that mum would have a bloody heart-attack over, and--do you think I should send a letter? As a parent, shouldn't she want to know?

I'm sure she'd love hearing about some of the things you've been up to too, and--

[Sirius, this is something you say to someone you didn't just punch in the jaw. This is something you say to someone you're not constantly fighting with or trying to bait.

~~He misses it.~~]

[Even if it wasn't effective, Regulus still felt a little better. He scrambles to get up not long after that, trying to ignore the flush that was currently rising on his cheeks, and looking away with a half-scoff.]

As if she'd believe anything, coming from you.

[But it's enough to make him want to hit him again. Sirius, you're terrible. And while they're on the subject-]

You're disgusting.

[Sirius fucking grins. Merlin, it's been too damned long, and honestly Regulus feels more like his brother right in this instant than he has in years.

Maybe he should feel worse about that than he does. C'est la vie.]

No more than you are, Reggie-kins~.

What? I never-

[And that flush? Totally noticeable now. Regulus blusters for a moment, shaking his head, before taking a deep breath and... wow what does he really say to that?]

-I'm nothing like you. And don't- that's ridiculous, don't call me that!

Edited 2012-07-06 10:15 (UTC)

What, you don't miss the pet-name stage? I thought the parental coddling from someone sane might be good for you.

[Yes, he's laughing at your misfortune right now, Regulus. All is once again right with the world?]

You're plenty like me, Rewggie. Someday you'll wake up and realize that.

[You know, if you ignore the fact that that won't be happening any time soon. Sirius still has 99 problems, and denial is 99% of them.]

[Except, whoops.

Kind of did.

He shoves at his brother, less violent, more sullenly annoyed.]

Someday? Hate to break it to you, but it's hard to wake up to anything when you're already dead. Sorry you missed your chance to actually get to know me.

[GOD
DAMN
IT
REGULUS.]

Merlin, did I ever tell you that you take everything too bloody siriusly? I didn't mean it like that, you poncy git.

[I.E., stop making him think about it, asshole.]

[He rolls his eyes. Dramatically. Very dramatically.]

I'm sorry, how else was I supposed to interpret that? You're impossible.

[Everyone loves that joke, Reg, don't be a buzzkill.

Sirius frowns a little, and averts his gaze for a moment: it hadn't really dawned on him just why this was a problem, and like everything else, thought he could sweep it under the rug. But Regulus wasn't letting it drop, and so he does, actually, have to face the reality.

And he really, really doesn't want to.]

You're the one who turns everything into an issue of the Daily Prophet.

[Wow, he's so sorry about the fact that he died. And it was kind of a big deal, so he's going to bring it up.

Way to be totally inconsiderate.]

I wasn't doing anything! I just said-

[He huffs loudly, before turning away.]

-just shut up. Forget it. Don't you have better things to be doing?

You brought it up.

[Because that's the mature way of handling the concept of your brother's death. Sure. Truth be told, while yes, Sirius would be put MUCH at ease if he had ever known why Regulus died (other than hearing about it through the rumour mill, which was even worse than through parents he despised), he likely wouldn't be dealing with it any better.

One: James Potter had loathed his brother, and his constant contact with his best friend had haulted the mourning process. Not just stalled it considerably, but stopped it entirely. James would hear nothing about it, because mourning a Death Eater was somehow, in some way, akin to sympathizing. (If there had ever been a point of contention between the two boys, it was this. But James had only ever grown up with mildly tolerant parents and no siblings to speak of. Even if his friend's prejudices hadn't gotten in the way, James could never have offered the sort of advice or even consolation that Sirius really needed.)

Two: Admitting it happened at all was to face facts, and with such a harsh trip back to reality, Sirius would have undoubtedly been faced with grief--yes, even over a brother he often remarked was weak and too pliant--and just a tinge of guilt. Admitting the reality often meant he would have to face reasons, and too many of them led back to him for his comfort. In not knowing Regulus' reasoning, Sirius is quick to blame himself, even if he outwardly blames his brother for the whole mess.

Sirius Black moves on. He doesn't sit and dwell. ~~Except that he does.~~]

Look, I'm so--fine, yes, plenty of things and people to do.

You really are disgusting.

[But it's quieter, without the overtone of loathing that's usually there. Somewhere, this conversation had turned from downright violence into a brotherly squabble, and now- into this.

It was quiet almost, and Regulus wasn't sure if he was justified in feeling almost eerie about it. It was just a moment, an awkward pause, but it was calmer, somehow. Now that they'd gotten the worst of one another out and across the table, there wasn't anything left to throw.

He looks away, a little uncomfortably. In times like this, he's hard pressed to remember the fights, the yelling, even though there was evidence of it reddening on his cheek right now. Instead, he remembers the hide and seek, the games, constantly hiding behind his brother's robes if there was even a hint of danger. As much as he doesn't want to, he remembers the easy laughter, the childlike logic, and the adoration that they'd had for one another- or maybe that was just on his part. Maybe he'd imprinted his own feelings on Sirius so he wouldn't feel so... dependent.

Fat lot of good that did him.]

...look, [he finally says gruffly, shoving his hands in his pockets,] for what it's worth, I'm okay with it.

[Dying, he means. Because he thinks (some small part of him hopes) that it might have unsettled Sirius, at least a little bit.]

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