...IDEK. I resisted the urge to make a journal for, like, two months.

[princeofhopeless]

you couldvve i dont knoww ignored me or somethin
youre really fuckin good at that
you dont really like me an i cant say im thrilled to be here either
so wwhy evven make the fuckin journal at all
i dont get it
an dont say you wwant to "explore my character" or wwhatever the fuck that means
you dont havve to fuckin like me
wwho needs to be liked by an asshole like you
the last thing either a us needs is your goddamn ocd out a hand
...
just because youvve only noticed me noww doesnt mean i just got here
okay
ivve been in this stupid corner a long stupid wwhile
im fuckin dead so wwatchin is like the neww thing im so fuckin great at
its not a goddamn crime noww is it
your ridiculous naggin about my awwesome cape on the other hand...

Comments

[frustration]

BUT HE COULD HELP IT.
HE COULD HAVE DONE WHAT BASICALLY EVERY OTHER TROLL ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET DID.
BUT NOOOOO, GAMZEE MAKARA CAN'T JUST BE CONTENT WITH THAT.
HE HAS TO EAT THE RADIOACTIVE-GREEN SLUDGE THAT SEEPS OUT OF HIS RECUPERACOON AND NEEDS TO BE CHANGED ON A BIWEEKLY BASIS.
HE HAS TO USE SOPOR SLIME TO OPEN THE DOOR INTO A WHOLE NEW REALM OF BAD IDEAS.
JUMP RIGHT ON THROUGH THAT DOOR AND LEAN IN THE RETINA-KILLER RED DOORFRAME, TAKING A SWIG OF FAYGO TO QUENCH HIS GODDAMN THIRST.
AND THEN, Y'KNOW, HE THOUGHT:
SHIT MOTHERFUCKER, I MOTHERFUCKER CAN MOTHERFUCKER TOTALLY MOTHERFUCKER MAKE MOTHERFUCKER THIS MOTHERFUCKER SHIT MOTHERFUCKER INTO MOTHERFUCKER A MOTHERFUCKER DELICIOUS MOTHERFUCKER BAKED MOTHERFUCKER CONFECTION MOTHERFUCKER.
SO HE DID.
COME ON, ERIDAN, YOU HAVE TO ADMIT THAT IT TAKES AN UNPRECEDENTED LEVEL OF STUPIDITY TO PULL OFF THAT THOUGHT PROCESS.

Karkat, what have you done...

[princeofhopeless]

i
wwell




...oh my god a course its fuckin pants on head fuckin retarded kar its so fuckin stupid i need a neww goddamn wword to describe it
an i bet that wword wwould be makara hes a constant barrel a idiotic nonsense an high shenanigans that its a fuckin miracle he didnt get himself killed before the game started
fuck matter a fact its a goddamn motherfuckin MIRACLE that he didnt kill himself in the game
hes the most disgustin, disgraceful excuse for a highblood troll ivve evver met an the urge to just shoot his fuckin goofy grin on sight is alwways almost ovverwwhelmin
an he always
throwws
his fuckin
faygo
into
my
coddamn
OCEAN
hes a festerin pustule a idiocy alwways remindin me wwhy i fuckin hate you all landfuckers so goddamn much an i always dreamed hed be one a the first to go hopefully





oh my god that felt so good lettin it all out

Terrible/wonderful things. Also I am so sorry, Karkat + sleep deprevation= TERRIBLE THINGS.

[frustration]

[...Wow.]

[He knew that Eridan tended to do this, but... he's still taken a bit by surprise when he starts out. Fortunately, he's back to looking pissy by the end of the little tirade.]

YEAH.
RIGHT, OK, KILL ALL LANDDWELLERS.
I HAVE TO WONDER, IS THIS DEEP-SEATED BURNING VEHEMENCE FOR ALL OF US STAMMERING DIRT-FLAPPERS JUST COMING OUT OF GAMZEE?
OR SOME OF IT, ANYWAY?
THE WORLD MAY NEVER KNOW.

>Eridan. Hey, terrible things are a given.

[princeofhopeless]

fuck landdwwellers
like theyvve evver done anythin for me
no offense

bluh bluh what is sleep

[frustration]

NONE TAKEN.
YEAH, UH, SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO LET THAT SHIT GO.
RIGHT INTO THE OPEN WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE IT.
AND ALSO HEAR YOU SCREAMING ABOUT YOUR. FUCKING. OCEAN LIKE A CASTRATED MOTHER BANSHEE.
IT HAPPENS.

lmao, we can go on tomorrow if you want

[princeofhopeless]

...wwhatevver
its not like it matters anymore

ffff yeah I'll probably be tucking in soon, but we can definitely continue. xD

[frustration]

HEY MAN, DON'T SWEAT IT.
SO THE ONE PLAN GOT RUINED. OK. THAT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.
BETWEEN YOU ELEVEN NOOKSTAINS, MY AMAZING PLANS HIT THE INCINERATOR ON A DAILY BASIS.
SO JUST FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO, I GUESS?
OTHER... FISH IN THE... SEA OR SOME SHIT.

sure thing!

[princeofhopeless]

oh my god that is so fuckin insensitivve
fuck you kar next time you die ill be sure to rub it in howw no one wwil care an howw youll be replaced because
fuck it
there are other fish in the sea or some shit

[frustration]

WOW, FUCK, NO.
I KNOW INSENSITIVITY IS KIND OF MY THING, BUT THAT'S NOT THE TOPIC HERE.
I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOUR LITTLE MASS GENOCIDE PLANS, DIPSHIT.
NOT MY FAULT IF YOUR LITTLE BOUT OF MELODRAMA KIND OF TURNED THE CONVERSATION ON ITS HEAD.

[princeofhopeless]

are you seriously tellin me its my owwn damn fault youre bein offensivve
is that wwhat you just did

[frustration]

BINGO. WE HAVE A WINNER, GIVE THE GIRL A PRIZE.

[princeofhopeless]

thats loww kar evven for you
id expect that kind a thin from kan maybe

...uuugh I'm sorry, Karkat is so out of form. xD

[frustration]

IF IT TAKES KANAYA TO TELL YOU THAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING COMPLETELY NON-OFFENSIVE AND YOU JUST HAVE TO MAKE IT ALL ABOUT *YOU*, THEN OK.
MORE POWER TO HER.
IN FACT, I'M GOING TO NOMINATE KANAYA OUR NEW SECOND-IN-COMMAND.
HER SHOCKING INSIGHT AND IMMACULATE HAIR WILL SURELY SERVE US WELL IN THE COMING TRIALS.
SUCK ON THAT, LOVER BOY.

haha, it's okay! <3

[princeofhopeless]

sure pile on me an givve kan a price an all
but wwhen she goes bloodsuckin crazy on all a you an starts cuttin people in half again
im gonna remind you a this convversation

[frustration]

...SUDDENLY, I UNDERSTAND WHY THE IMMENSE AQUATIC PRESSURE HASN'T CRUSHED YOUR HEAD LIKE AN OVER-RIPENED GRAPE, WITH A COLOR TO MATCH.
IT'S BECAUSE YOUR HEAD IS JUST THAT THICK.
LOOK, YOU FESTERING CARCASS OF A NEWBORN SHIT-MAGGOT.
THE ONLY PERSON SHE CUT IN HALF IS YOU.
DO YOU KNOW WHY?
DID YOU EVER CONSIDER THAT?
IT WAS BECAUSE -- GET THIS -- YOU PISSED HER OFF.
IF I COULD PUT THAT LAST PART IN CAPS FOR MORE EMPHASIS, I WOULD.
YOU PISSED HER OFF.
WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT THING WAS, NOOKSTAIN, YOU WENT INTO YOUR LITTLE RIGHTEOUS FURY MODE AND SMASHED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF IT.
NOT TO MENTION FEFERI.
GODDAMN FEFERI!
HERE, I HAVE AN EXERCISE FOR YOU, ERIDAN.
NEXT TIME, BEFORE YOU'RE ABOUT TO KILL SOMEBODY WITH YOUR FAIRY FARTS, ASK YOURSELF SOMETHING.
"IS THIS GOING TO MAKE SOMEONE MAD AT ME?"
OK?
THAT'S IT.
THEN YOU CAN KILL THEM.
JUST AS LONG AS YOU UNDERSTAND THE GODDAMN IMPLICATIONS OF THE ART.

[princeofhopeless]

wwell
maybe i wwouldnt havve had to kill anyone if someone had bothered to not bloww me off wwhen i was tryin to talk about it
besides she pissed me off first howws that evven fair

[frustration]

IT'S NOT ABOUT BEING FAIR, FUCKWAD.
IT'S ABOUT YOU PISSED HER OFF, SO SHE KILLED YOU.
COME ON, ERIDAN, YOU'RE LIKE THE EXPERT ON UNREASONABLE MURDER ETIQUETTE.
IS THIS REALLY THAT FUCKING HARD???

[princeofhopeless]

...it is wwhen im the one gettin murdered

[frustration]

...HOW.
THE FUCK.
DOES THAT CHANGE.
ANYTHING.
LEGITIMATE QUESTION.
PLEASE, EXPLAIN.

[princeofhopeless]

evver been murdered kar
because its not fuckin fun its also not fuckin fun wwhen some jadeblood landmunchin bitch takes ovver
wwhats essentially your predestined role in life

[frustration]

OK, LET'S JUST MAKE ONE THING CLEAR HERE.
EVERYONE IS DEAD.
YOUR BIRTH RIGHT TO BE A POMPOUS ASSHOLE IS ALSO DEAD.
YOU ARE NOT WORTH ANYTHING MORE THAN KANAYA. OR SOLLUX. OR ME. OR ANYONE ELSE.
AT THIS POINT IN TIME, YOU ARE WORTH ABOUT AS MUCH AS YOUR OBNOXIOUSLY-GARNISHED FIST CAN PUNCH IN ONE DAY.
OR YOUR JUST PLAIN OBNOXIOUS MAGIC, WHATEVER.
OF COURSE IT'S NOT FUN WHEN YOU DIE.
IT ALSO WON'T BE FUN FOR ALL THOSE POOR, SNIVELING LANDDWELLERS YOU'LL KILL, ASSUMING YOU'LL EVEN GET AROUND TO ACTUALLY DOING THAT, WHICH YOU CAN'T, BECAUSE OH LOOK. EVERYONE IS DEAD!
IT'S ALL FULL CIRCLE, YOU SEE. THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD IS JUST ONE BIG OUROBOROS LOOKING OUT FOR ENDLESS OPPORTUNITIES TO FUCK YOU OVER.
AND WHEN YOU SIT HERE AND GO "WWEH" ABOUT PROBLEMS YOU SERIOUSLY SHOULDN'T BE COMPLAINING ABOUT IN THE FIRST PLACE, THAT OUROBOROS LOSES TRACK OF ITS TAIL FOR A SECOND, AND WILL IN THE MEANTIME EAT YOU.

[princeofhopeless]

wwoww kar thats like the wworlds wworst analogy evver
but seriously its okay if you dont understand i didnt really expect you to

[frustration]

FUCK YOU, IT'S A DAMN GOOD ANALOGY.
BUT-- OH, WOE! WOE IS ME! I FORGET THAT POOR ERIDAN IS NOTHING BUT A POOR, LOWLY ILLITERATE.
HE WOULD UNDERSTAND NOTHING OF THE IMMACULATE ART OF WORDCRAFT.
(OR ANYTHING ELSE, FOR THAT MATTER, BUT I DIGRESS.)
EVEN TROLL WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE IS LOST ON HIM.
ALACK, ALACK, A-MOTHER-FUCKING-LACK.

I think I just went Godtier on the English Lit Geekery contained in this tag

[princeofhopeless]

so typical a landdwwellers to bring up troll shakespeare to try an appear somewwhat educated
evveryone wwhose evver read a history book can tell you that wwas just the penname a the earl a troxford an the wwhole troll shakespeare thing is just a conspiracy to keep you landmunchers happy
i mean as if a landdwweller could havve really wwritten all those plays an stuff its obvviously seadwweller skill right there
but i dont expect someone like you to knoww that i bet you cant evven afford to read the books that tell his real story
its sad kar
its sad an you dont understand



besides troll john wwebster is far superior anywway misunderstood genius that he wwas

Good, because I'm hilariously low on the echeladder for that one.

[frustration]

THAT IS SERIOUSLY THE BIGGEST, MOST IMMACULATELY-CONCEIVED PILE OF SHIT I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLEASURE OF INGESTING.
WHAT YOU JUST SAID IS A PACK OF LIES MADE BY OTHER FUCKING HIGHBLOODS BECAUSE THEY'RE STILL PISSED THAT A GREENBLOOD CAN WRITE BETTER THAN THEY CAN.
I BET YOU COULD CHECK ANY *REAL* BOOK ON THE SUBJECT AND FIND THE EXACT FUCKING OPPOSITE.
OH, AND TROLL JOHN WEBSTER? PLEASE.
THE LIFE AND DEATH OF TROLL DOCTOR FAUSTUS COULD KICK HIS ENTIRE LIBRARY IN THE BULGE ANY DAY OF THE FUCKING WEEK.

[...And yet, for some reason, the mun finds Karkat being well-versed in Alternian literature fucking hilarious, so she's sticking with it.]