Canon is Backstrom

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

Seriously? Your big selling point on this whole thing is that it's a great way for me to get laid?

Hate to break it to you, but I was doing just fine at that on my own. How about you try again, and maybe make it believable this time, because between you and me? Nobody even knows who the fuck I am or where I'm from.

Which, I mean, not living in Backstrom's spare room will be nice, for a while, but what is it you expect me to do? I'm no superhero, I've got some marketable skills, sure, but nobody's looking for those, and it's not like you're actually going to put me in a game, so why bother?

Comments

[dreamcrutcher]

I guess the promise of a hot girl isn't that bad of a pitch, is it? I'd totally go for it!

[ Wait. No. That's not what she meant to say— Yes, it was. But not that blunt— Shit. ]

I mean. Getting out of a spare room would be nice for a change. Right...?

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

Technically it's my room, I pay the rent on it.

And no, promise of a hot girl iiiisn't going to work as a sales pitch for me. Not unless she's got an equally hot brother.
[A beat]
Or boyfriend.

[dreamcrutcher]

Oh! Got it! Sorry! I just... assumed there were women involved. Because it sounded good to me, so—

[ Stop, Sam. Just. Stop. ]

Right. [ Ahem. ] Guys are good too. I'm into one of those... Kind of.


Still wouldn't take up that offer though? You said you had marketable skills, right?

ohhh html, who needs it anyway?

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

[She's just so adorable and flaily that he doesn't have it in him to be catty at her]

Only kind-of? I think you might need to find one you're actually definitely into.

[a wink] Just a suggestion.

[And is he going to answer that second question? Noooo he isn't.]

nobody! not me! so i threw it on the ground!

[dreamcrutcher]

It's not like I'm not— actually— definitely— into...

[ Huff. She really does like the guy! But- Words! And feelings! ]

It's way complicated. He's basically from another planet...


[ What second question? What are you talking about? ]

I'M NOT A PART OF YOUR SYSTEM!

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

Wait, wait, wait, basically from another planet or literally from another planet?

Those are two very different problems.

[He's helping! He's a helper!]

[dreamcrutcher]

—Wait. [ Panic? ] What did I say? Did I say literally? I didn't mean—

[ Yes, she did. ]

...

Boooooooth? Can I say both...?

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

You said basically I was just making sure.

Both is extra-complicated. I mean, not that I've got any real experience there, but I pay attention to things.

[dreamcrutcher]

Well. Shit. Yeah. Both.

Have you ever heard that story of the body-snatchers? It's kind of like—

No. It is that.

This alien kind of body-snatched that one ex-boyfriend I had and now I'm kind of liking this alien-ex-boyfriend-guy.


Is that weird...?

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

Depends, is the alien a better guy than the ex?

[Look, priorities are priorities.]

[dreamcrutcher]

The alien isn't trying to be my therapist. There's that.

I mean— I know I'm a little physically damaged, but this Charles isn't trying to baby me back to health like the old Charles. This one just wants to make sure I'm comfortable. I really appreciate that.


... You're takin' all this in a stride, aren't you? Most people have worried that my current interest is blue.

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

[deadpan] oh no, anything but blue.

1/2

[dreamcrutcher]

Well, he's more like a sky blue, so he's not—

2/2

[dreamcrutcher]

—Ohhhhhh!

Got it now. Sorry.

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

You are really kind of adorable. Which I think is probably offensive to say out loud.

[dreamcrutcher]

I say offensive things all the time. By accident, of course! But they just slip out sometimes—

[ siiiiigh. ]

Th- Thanks, I meant. So, we're friends now right...? I haven't even caught your name...!

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

Oh, right, introductions.

Hi, I'm Valentine.

[dreamcrutcher]

It's very, very nice to meet you Valentine.

I am Samantha Martinez, Girl on Crutches. Or whatever..

[ Scribblings on paper. ]

Here. My number, Valentine. Just in case...?

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

In case I ever need advice on an alien-boyfriend-situation?

[A small, though genuine, smile]

Thanks, though, appreciate it, takes a certain kind of person to reach out to someone they just met.

[dreamcrutcher]

I'm skilled in a few other things than just alien-boyfriends!


[ Yep. Smile. ]

It's a leap of faith that I've been learning to use a lot lately. It helps with all the— Mess that my head and heart have been causing me.

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

I'll keep that in mind.

And yeah, messy's ... well it's kind of how things work for most people. Some people are better at hiding it, that's all.

[dreamcrutcher]

I don't think you need to hide your mess as long as someone understands why it's messy. It's easier to just be you, than try not to be you.

If that makes sense...?

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

It makes sense, but not everybody's world works that way.

[He was this much of a cynic even before living with Backstrom]

[dreamcrutcher]

That's also true.

[ She used to be the same. Having an alien-boyfriend puts a new look on life. ]

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

[He rolls his eyes] And the lady behind the curtain says I need to stop being so pessimistic. I like to think of it as being a realist.

[dreamcrutcher]

No, I understand! It's hard not to be realistic when you can't really walk. Ya know?

Then again, I can walk through dreams. Which. Is the furthest thing from being realistic that I can think of? Well, that's still not entirely true. Riel is-...


Shit. Sorry. I'm rambling again?

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

Wait, like, actual astral projection? Or like Inception?

Because either way, that's ... actually pretty cool.

[dreamcrutcher]

Inception? What is— [ Pop culture reference? What's that? ] I'll say both again. Except it's a lot harder than you'd think.

And most times it's hard to remember if I'm still in someone's dream or if I'm awake. Luckily it's easy to wake up, if I realize it.

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

Unless you're walking around in there to steal shit? It's the astral projection kind.

Still cool, lucid dreaming is fascinating.

[dreamcrutcher]

Yeah, lucid dreaming is how I get there. It's really fuckin' hard to do though. Most of the time I wake up, or fall asleep too quickly do it.

Except it doesn't really feel like I'm in someone's dream when it works though. I can touch things— actually feel things. I've had conversations with people. It's... intense how real these places are.

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

That's kind of how lucid dreaming works, or so I've been told, haven't quite gotten there myself.

[dreamcrutcher]

Nah, it's not like a normal lucid dream you're thinking about. It's a little different. Maybe if I get better at it, I could show you?

But I've got some good meditation goin' on to help the process... Helps with the pain, too.

[cheekbones_and_attitude]

Figured it'd be different, but even the regular kind are pretty solid, from what I hear.

Meditation and me, kind of just turns into napping while sitting on the floor.