dear_mun | warning: contains spoilers for 3x23

Everyone is.

[ she stiffens, swallows, wets her increasingly dry lips. ]

Lydia.

[Lydia's been through a lot, but playing tough girl right now just isn't going to work. Not when it's Allison.]

Don't. Don't try and make this better, because it isn't, and it never will be.

[ lydia knows her a little too well, so much so that, right now, it's kind of a problem. time for plan b. ]

It wasn't your fault, you know.

It wasn't supposed to happen. It should never have happened

[ she's right, but — ]

But it did, and I'm okay with it.

[ lbr, she's not, but what kind of a person would she be if she admitted that? allison swallows, moves forward, conjuring up something that can just about pass for a smile. ]

It's okay, Lydia.

It's not okay. It's not, Allison.

[Lydia is trying to be strong like Allison, she really is. But how can she be strong when her best friend is gone? ]

I might pretend otherwise, but I need you. I can't be strong without you.

[ allison's expression softens, almost crumples. without another thought she throws her arms out, takes both of lydia's hands into hers. ]

You can be strong without me. You have to be.

[Lydia isn't the type to admit to this kind of thing but she just doesn't have the strength to pretend. She knows this can't even be happening, it can't be real because she failed Allison. Her best friend is gone, she's not there, she's not holding her hands, she's gone. ]

You're my best friend, Allison. You're the person I trust the most, you were the only good friend I had for a long time. I don't know how to do this without you. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't stop it.

Edited 2014-03-21 04:18 (UTC)

—no, don't. Just ... don't.

[ allison shakes her head, expressing somewhat hardening. what happened to her wasn't lydia's fault. what happened to her wasn't anyone's fault but the nogitsune's (and, to some extent, mrs. yukimura's). the sooner lydia realizes that, the better. ]

Listen to me, Lydia. What happened to me wasn't your fault.

[ firmly, eyes hard, brimming with undiluted honesty. ]

No, Allison, I knew. I got the warnings. You should have left me there with him. If he did anything, it should have been me.

[ She's holding on to Allison's hand tightly, even if she still knows she's not here. She must be sleeping, because she knows this happened. It happened and she felt it happen, she felt her best friend's life ending, and she knew right then that a part of her was dying with Allison. ]

I'll find Peter, I'll find him and fix this. He will know what to do. He will know how to bring you back.

[ it's too much, too much. allison shakes her head fiercely, watches as her hands whitened beneath lydia's tight grip. she doesn't pull away, though. no, instead she moves closer, looks lydia right in the eyes and says: ]

No. Promise me you won't get involved with Peter. He's bad news.

[ understatement of the century, but hey. ]

Lydia, you're my best friend and I love you. If anything were to happen to you, I'd never forgive myself. Please, don't go to him. Don't do this.

Allison, I'm...[Sorry, sorry, so sorry.]

[ she makes a shush sound, moves closer, thumbs his cheek. ]

Don't.

This wasn't supposed to-- [He swallows, chokes it back, reaches up to wrap his hand around hers.]

I don't want to lose you again.

[ his pain is palpable, makes her feel like she's dying all over again. it's too much, too much. but she has to be strong for his sake. allison takes a breath, a moment to steady herself, then she leans forward, lightly presses her forehead to scott's. ]

I — I know this hurts, but you have to be brave, Scott. Be brave for me, for everything I stood for.

[He closes his eyes when she leans in, brow still furrowed. He should have found a way - come up with a better plan - he doesn't know what or how, only that this isn't right. He lets go of her hand to wrap his arms around her.]

We protect those who can't protect themselves, [his voice goes tight and he has to swallow hard,] right?

[ a strained, queer sort of smile creases her lips as she eagerly steps into his embrace, arms locking around his middle. ]

Right.

[ she died a warrior, a warrior with a code, and as long as her friends remember that, she's happy — well, sort of, anyway. ]

Scott, I love you. You're the best of us, and you have to remember that. Promise me you'll never change.

[ aka promise me you won't let what happened to me change you. ]

I love you too. [If this is it, if this is his last chance, he's not waiting or hesitating. He does still love her, he's always going to love her.

He keeps his eyes shut tight, relying on his other senses to tell him she's there. He doesn't want to forget what she feels like, smells like. He doesn't want to forget anything about her.]

I promise. [Even if he doesn't think he's the best of anything, even if right now he thinks he's the worst alpha alive because he couldn't protect any of his pack.] I promise.

[ if allison knew what he was thinking she would be pissed off, furious even, because scott mccall is extraordinary, an honest to god hero. there are no other men like him. and, well, it's a damn shame he doesn't realize that. ]

I believe you.

[ she says, voice unusually soft and on the verge of breaking. ]

You can always find me here, you know that, right?

[Maybe he will, when grief isn't choking him. But he's an alpha with performance issues, and he's stumbling through like he always does. It usually works out. He wishes it worked out this time.]

Don't say that.

[He tries to smile, mostly manages it.]

I'll come looking for you all the time.

If you ever need to find me, all you have to do is close your eyes.

[ she tells him, lightly tracing the contours of his smile with the pad of her thumb. ]

I'll always be with you, Scott. Always.

[His throat goes tight again, because it's a comfort and no comfort at all. He'd rather have the real thing.

He leans forward, kisses her forehead and stays close enough that his lips brush her skin when he speaks.]

You're crazy if you think I'd forget you.

[ she'd rather have the real thing to, but, as the saying goes, you can't always get what you want. ]

[ a huff, a smile, and something that sounds almost like a breathy laugh occurs in response to scott's words and the feel of lips brushing against her skin. ]

I would never think that.

[ because she knows now just how much she means to him. ]

It should've been me.

Isaac, no. Don't say that. Don't — Don't even think that.

I do. [ He's just a boy, and nearly everyone he's ever trusted has died. Cold, and alone.

For no reason at all. ] I do think that, I-- [ He's never been overwhelming articulate, and it chokes.

Can't look Scott in the eye. Can't go back to playing packmates, when he'd already splintered his loyalties. Climbing through her windows and heeling to her. He might never be rid of this guilt twisting in his gut. ] What do I do? [ Taking direction from the dead is never a keen option, but it's Isaac. ]

What am I supposed to do?

[ his distress is a tangible thing. it sits heavily on her shoulders, weighing her down. though, that being said, not for one second does she regret what she and isaac had. he came into her life and left an imprint, earned himself a place in her heart. stepping forward, allison swallows up the distance between them before covering isaac's face with her hands, hoping her touch will provide him with some sliver of comfort or at the very least take away some of his pain. ]

The only thing you can do: move on, stay strong.

[ It's something, if nothing else. It quiets him a bit, that frantic, breath snatching panic subsiding, if anything.

He'll bask in it for as long as he has left. ] I was never like you. [ I was never strong.

Not in the way she'd been, ferocious and brilliant, doing the right thing the right way, one woman army. Beautiful. He was a piece, she was a player. He was foolhardy, she was brave. Scott McCall was her first love. He could accept that. Given time, and grief, and a grain of bitterness. That she'd let Isaac be there, just be, on the fringes of her life. Then let him in.

She could be his unspoken first everything, and he could be whatever she resigned him to be. If anything at all. He could live with that. He can't live with her abrupt absence. It left a vacuum. ] Your dad needs you. [ Her father had been more of a comfort to him than anyone, oddly. That he didn't know how to return the favor ate at him. ]

And Scott.

[ she shakes her head, thumbs underneath his eyes, stubborn. isaac might not have faith in himself, but she has faith enough for the both of them. he's a strong character and presence, much more than just the muscle or a pawn the game of life. if only he'd realize that, allison thinks, tracing the contours of isaac's face. ]

You are like me, Isaac. You're strong and brave and loyal and good and you're ... Well, you're you.

[ she's usually better with words, but words aren't always necessary with isaac. no, with isaac, actions seem to speak louder than words. moving closer, allison drops her hands to his shoulders, presses the tips of her fingers into the material of his shirt. it's a different sort of contact. this time, her touch is meant to reassure, to add emphasis to her words and make them speak volumes. ]

[ however, the moment isaac mentions her father and scott, her mask starts to slip. emotion spills across her face and causes her mouth to twist and her brows to pinch together. she doesn't cry, though, which is something. swallowing, allison nods, the movement stiff and slow. ]

I know.

[ her voice cracks a little. ]

Promise me you'll look after them. They need you, Isaac, and you need them.

[ His shoulders shudder at the kind words, but he doesn't make a mess of it. He's cried himself dry over the course of hours.

He folds his hands over hers, an intake of breath. He's not like this with everyone, he knows. No one would call him the most empathetic out of the crew. Always out of tune, one step behind on the appropriate bandwagon. A busted childhood had seen to that. He had no walls. It felt too raw, to open himself up to everyone's pains and little things. Far too vulnerable.

Hers spoke to him. He wanted hers. It was in her eyes. She was far too generous for someone so strong. ] No, you have to be here. You have to be here. [ He loses the words again, empty air. What could pleading do them now? ]

I can't. [ The words drop to a whisper. A shameful admission. ] Your father wants me to go. With him. [ It was still inexplicable to him, the kindness and coldness of Argents. He didn't understand her dad, or what part of their grief kept them bound together through it. He hasn't told anyone. ] He can't stay. I can't stay.

[ the cracks begin to show. isaac comes undone, piece by piece, bit by bit. her heart goes out to him. his childhood was rough— no, no, "rough" doesn't even begin to cover it. it's probably best not to think about that now. he needs her here, needs her to be in the present, not tangled up in his tragic past. ]

[ allison swallows, runs the tip of her tongue across her lips. hearing about the kindness extended to isaac by her father is a little peculiar, but only for a moment. her father is not the same man he used to be. like her, he's changed. grown more tolerant and even empathetic towards certain supernatural species. he's following the code, the new code — her code. ]

[ if only she could tell her father how proud she is. ]

Go with him, Isaac.

[ please. because maybe, just maybe, together her father and isaac will be able to cope and, in time, move on. ]

warning: contains spoilers for 3x23

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